They have started to shun my JW wife!

by jwfacts 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • willyloman
    they have been shunning me since My brain starting working.

    Somebody add this to the list of classic JWD one-liners. Brilliant.

  • luna2

    Even as a devout dub, I was never comfortable with shunning disfellowshipped people or in the grading and judging that goes on even with those in good standing, but I tried my best to conform to what I was being directed to do because, for some insane reason, I had accepted that this was really God's organization. As JWs we were constantly told to watch who we associated with, both outside and within the congregation while, at the same time, we were being told what a loving, caring, superior bunch Jehohum's people are. Sorry WTS but that doesn't make a lot of sense. You can't be both loving and encouraging while also being judgmental and afraid...or are you only supposed to be loving to those you deem sufficiently spiritual to associate with you?

    I don't even know if this is something that the WTS can correct without completely revamping their doctrine of judgment and exclusion. I guess the real problem is that the Society doesn't really care. They don't care if their double-talk confuses the rank and file, they don't care that some are driven away because their "brothers" and "sisters" don't know how to behave towards them....they don't care until the numbers start going down radically and then they quickly pump out some direction to the elders and to the congos to reach out more.

    It's a pathetic situation in a pathetic religion. We can only hope that they will continue to drive people away until the WTS withers and dies.

  • simplesally

    I was married, a pioneer and attended all the meetings even though my husband was df'd and for the most part not coming to the meetings. I was an outsider because I was married --- but no one invites you over to couple nights out and you're not single so no invites coming from that way either. The elders would just pass me by with the offhanded, "Hi, how are you?" and keep walking. How would they know how I am if they don't stop????

    I got so fed up with them and told the brother whose house held our bookstudy and he told the CO. I spilled my guts to the CO how unloving the elders were, how they never even knew what was going on with me and that at that very time, my ex was in jail!! One elder was shocked and he asked why he didn't know and I blasted him: Because you never ever stop when you ask me how I am!!! The CO told this elder and me that there would be a shepherding call arrangement for me............... and 3 weeks later, the CO called and asked if it happened. Nope. He called and then they called me. I told the elders when we met that it sure felt forced. How nice for them to call at the explicit direction/order of the CO!

  • joanne_

    Its probably better for your wife and kids to stay away from all that negativity. Just start a new life, with people who truly love you for who you are...too much negativity in that organization, from what i have seen and felt. It really is not worth the stress.


  • Woodsman


    I have been wondering if my efforts to avoid being DFed of DAed actually help keep my wife in. There has been a change in our social life since I left but she gets enough association to keep going. If I am booted I'm sure there would be less since many gatherings include the entire family.

    On the other hand I have been thinking if I were to attend meetings once in a while it might give me more freeness of speech with her. Right now she is cautious and limits me to a couple of sentences before the red flags go up.

    Freeness of speech would mean I could discuss doctrine with her but I'm not so sure that is what would bring her out.

    A lack of love seems more likely to shake her and that may be more apparent if I'm given the boot.

    Please keep posting your experience, I'm interested in its outcome.

  • jeeprube

    The same thing happened to my wife. When she would go without me, the "friends" would treat her as an outsider. Pretty soon she got depressed and stopped going. As others have said, love inside the organization is conditional. The amount of love you recieve is directly proportional to your Watchtower stats. How different that is from the love that Christ spoke of.

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    I suppose that it could be a good thing, right? Like you said, she'll see the hypocritical nature of JW's without you having to point it out and assuming the role of the bad guy.

  • Ticker

    Maybe this is just what was needed to show her the true side of the Org. Sometimes for some people it takes an event like that to open their eyes.


  • delilah
    No one went up to him to say how good it was to see him, but one brother approached him to discipline him for being so disrespectful to Jehovah. How is that for encouragement?
    Jwfacts.....I'm so sorry your family is being treated in such an UNLOVING, UNchristian manner....unfortunately, I think we've all been there. This is when their true colors start to show, and we finally see that their so-called "agape" love is really truly conditional. I hope your wife is able to make a decision now, and will join you.... they do not need to go where they will not be welcomed. Best wishes to you, and your family.
  • jwfacts

    Thanks all, it certainly sounds like it is just normal behaviour, JWs operating as they are programmed to do.
    Woodsman it is hard to know what to recommend because everyone is so different and different things affect them. I think fading is easier than being d/f. Now that I am d/f I feel so relieved and far better able to move on, but I have just started experiencing shunning first hand by close friends at it is so heartbreaking.
    My wife rang a lot of her friends yesterday to tell them she is pregnant and I was happy to notice that she rang more non Witnesses than JWs. She is getting closer to her work mates even from prior jobs than to JW's, and that will help her greatly.

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