I'm so conflicted (page 4)

AlmostAtheist

>> I just feel so stupid for being so gullible and being so "proud" that I could actually explain all this 607 BCE, 2,520 years, etc. etc. stuff.

You wanna feel stupid? Go back and read the Revelation Climax book! I conducted the book study outta that little treasure! Bought every word of it, too. Yep, gullible to the core! :-)

>>I need to stop now. There's nothing I can do about the past, right?

The only past you can affect is the one you'll be looking at a year from now. Sounds like you're well on your way to making that a past to be proud of.

Dave

Joyal

Thanks, Dave. My goodness -- you conducted the study of the Revelation book?! You've got me beat.

Well, I'd better get to bed now. I am so glad I made this first step and hope to speak to all of you again soon.

Sincerely,
Joyal

Welcome to the board. I understand your feelings of directionlessness - I certainly went through the same thing. One thing that helped me understand the experience was the website http://www.beyondjw.com. It contains some really great articles about the indoctrination process, why people become and stay Witnesses, and how to move on. Perhaps you would enjoy them too.

I know it's a tough time you're going through now, but there are many bright days waiting for you ahead. I hope this board helps you on your journey.

Best wishes,

SNG

LDH

((((((((((((((((((Slugga & Joyal))))))))))))))

I might make it through the rest of the night without crying myself to sleep.

The only crying you will be doing in a year or so, is tears of joy. Hang in there. Good job registering and de-lurking, you two!

misspeaches

Welcome Joyal... I'm so pleased you introduced yourself and came out of lurking. Especially now when you are at this crossroads in your life.

I remember when I first started reading here and reading CoC.... It was like my whole belief system came crashing down around me. I was so devestated. It was all I knew my whole life. And like you I couldn't think of anything else. I kept running the most amazing and outrageous stories through my head. I had nightmares about them. I just couldn't get away from it.

But I learnt to be patient and kind to myself. Instead of forcing myself into a whole new range of beliefs I decided to take things slow and just let myself figure things out along the way. You see there is no rush here. No stress. You have so much time on your hands to really work out exactly who you are. I bet you will be surprised. Without the WTBTS dictating what you like and don't like.

If you want to try your hand at something new TRY IT. If you don't like it - no problem. At least you are working out your interests.

If you want to visit other churches then do it. You may very well be surprised at how different they are to what we as JW's believed them to be. Just because you visit a church doesn't mean you have to convert either. Look at it as a curiosity thing.

This world has so much to offer you. Embrace it all. Learn, absorb, enjoy.

Keep posting. I have found that when I feel most confused, lost, hurting, shunned, happy, excited or just plain silly - that this online community is so diverse and there will ALWAYS be someone here to share your feelings with you. AND IT WILL HELP.

Hang in there darlin.

jwfacts

Welcome Joyal, and though it is a hard step you will get through it and feel so much better for it.

What you are experiencing is normal for people leaving any cult. Leaving a cult regularly leads to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Michael Langone, Ph.D., of the American Family Foundation (AFF), lists some of the symptoms suffered by up to 80% of former members of high control groups (source - http://www.meadowhaven.org/Adobe/LangoneStudy.pdf):
• Anxiety, fear, and worry
• Feelings of anger toward the group leaders
• Mental confusion
• Vivid flashbacks to the group experience
• Low self-confidence
• Indecisiveness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Loneliness
• Compulsive need to talk about the group
• Despair, hopelessness, and helplessness
• Difficulty thinking critically
• Guilt about things done while in the group
• Troubled by thoughts that can't be gotten rid of
• "Floating" among very different states of mind
• Conflicts with loved ones & family
• A longing to restore certain aspects of group
• Sleeplessness
• Nightmares
• Difficulty finding suitable employment
• Fear of physical harm by the group
• Medical ills

I have experience virtually every one of the above over the last year and lost my job because of it. It has taken 12 months but I am just now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope you get through it quicker than i did and being on this site will help greatly. I feel great admiration for those that left before the internet. I do not know how they coped without a support group to make them feel normal.

ringo5

I feel as though I have lost my "identity" Who am I if I'm not a JW? I wish I could wake up from this dream

I can relate to that. It was very scary at first... and then there was the anger at the idea of being duped...

I was thinking it might be like a wild animal having been caught while very young and then put in a cage for 30 years. Well worn tracks along the edges of the enclosure from years of repetitious tracing of steps. Then the regular routine of feedings, sleep, etc. Physically your OK but it just feels wrong.

Then for some reason you notice the door open... or is it? Should you go try it? Will someone see you and lock it?
So you wait till you finally you get the courage to try it... And it is!

Your first steps are nervous as you go through, looking around to see if you're noticed, and then after what seems like only a few moments you're free! But with that feeling now comes others...fear of the unknown, you've never given any thought as to what to do now. Your totally out of your element and it seems like you're very alone and vulnerable. But there's something else, oh yeah I'm ANGRY too 'cause someone's had me locked up for 30 years and what's worse is that now you realize that door has never been locked, you just never noticed it open before.

So now what to do? Seems like everything else is going on around you the same as it always has, but you now have a new perspective. Oh I know, I'll go tear that friggin zoo keeper a new one! That bastard has it coming, always pretending to care about me, but never cared enough to let me go...

Then you see him tending the other animals and realize he's just a different kind of animal. He has done this job all his life and from his perspective he even seems to like and care for the other animals. Although you know it really isn't a natural state for anyone here, you decide anger is not the answer...

And that's as far as I personally have come so far. But it seems like we have some common beginnings to our journey into the great wide open. Give yourself time to go through the process as others have suggested... Just being here helps...

Good Luck (it nice to say that)

Clam

Welcome Joyal.

Well done for coming in from Lurkland. There will be so much support for you here and genuine friendship. You're at the beginning of the road to freedom and a normal life.

Golf

Joyal, greetings and welcome. You'll get plenty of encouragment being on this forum, hang loose.

My best suggestion is let 'time' do its' thing, don't rush it. The real truth sets you free, it lifts unnecessary weights off your shoulder.

Enjoy.

Golf

Legolas

Welcome to the board Joyal!

Yes like the rest said...It does take time getting over what you thought was the truth wasn't!

And you said it perfectly...That your life now feels upside down!

Trust us though..It does get better and being on here REALLY helps!

((((((Hugs))))))

I'm so conflicted