I feel your pain, I feel the same way. My husband has been coming on this site for quite some time but this is my first post. I really don't know what is next, where do you go and what do you do after a lifetime of feeling and believing a certain way. I can only hope that time and support can help.
I'm so conflicted
by Joyal 55 Replies latest members private
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willyloman
My wife and I left just short of our 30th year "in prison" and waded through all of the emotions you are now feeling. I was an elder for more than 20 years and spoke at circuit and district assemblies and worked upstairs in the "most holy" (administration office) at these conventions. My wife was a regular pioneer for a time and otherwise aux pio'd several times a year. All of our grown childen pio'd right after high school. We were "pillars" in that we helped form and grow two congos. And our house was the hospitality center in our old congo for many years while the kids were growing up.
We had that same nagging "If I'm not a JW, who am I?" thinking. Then we read Crisis of Conscience and the veil lifted.
Here's what we learned in the process: Knowledge is power. You studied yourself "in" to the organization, you have to study yourself out.
Everyone on this forum has an experience, and each is different depending on their circumstances. But most will agree that what happens next is directly related to how much work you are willing to do. By work, I mean:
Get some counseling if you need it.
Read Ray Franz and everything else you can get your hands on that will offset the years of brainwashing we all suffered at the hands of dub literature and meetings.
Stay active on this forum, reading the posts that speak to you. Especially spend some time on "the best of" series compiled by Lady Lee (see the main menu). Freeminds.org is another site you'll want to bookmark.
Make some new friends, develop some new interests, go places - church if you want to, self-help lectures, civic groups and organizations. Volunteer someplace. Become engaged in this wonderful, whacky world, the one we've held at bay for so long because it was demonized by the WT Society.
It's a bit of a bumpy ride at first, but believe me: The (real) truth will set you free. We have never been happier.
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Joyal
Here's what we learned in the process: Knowledge is power. You studied yourself "in" to the organization, you have to study yourself out.
This is a powerful statement. I never thought of it that way. I am about three-quarters the way through CoC and will look for other articles and publications to "study". It makes a lot of sense.
I, too, had a lot of "privileges" over my thirty years as a JW. Bethel service, Gilead Graduations, Annual Meetings, trips to International Conventions and on and on. At the time they meant so much to me but now seem like things that happened a million light years ago and totally irrelevant. Just ways to keep people in darkness from the real core of this organization and focused on the "social" aspect.
Welcome, lostlantern. We've taken a big step and I want to welcome you as others here have welcomed me. I feel their love and concern as ones who have been where we are just now going -- and lived to tell about.
Hope their comments can help you as much as they have already helped me.
Joyal
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serendipity
Hi lostlantern, welcome to the forum!
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AuldSoul
Hi, LostLantern!
Does your husband post, or just read here?
You have taken a big step toward this:
1 John 4:1 — Beloved ones, do not believe every inspired expression, but test the inspired expressions to see whether they originate with God, because many false prophets have gone forth into the world.
I look forward to reading your thoughts.
Respectfully,
AuldSoul -
lostlantern
Thanks for the welcome. My husband posts here quite a bit. He spends a lot time sharing his thoughts and I think it has helped him deal with his feelings. I am not sure that I am quite ready to share as much yet, however it does help to see that others can feel your pain.
