What will it be like when I finally D'A MYSELF?

by stillAwitness 21 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • evergreen

    Hi stillawitness, im in exactly the same position , but i have decided to just fade as it would only give the "there i told you so witnesses" in the hall the satisfaction of shunning me. Anyway i,ll probably be moved away soon so im not that worried to be honest. But i think you,ll find that fading will be the best way forward for you . Best of luck


  • peacefulpete

    There is the need to feel empowered and in control of your life. DFing is a calculated attempt to strip a person of that. You are being judged and told you are not the 'right' kind of person. That can be psychologically devastaing or at least disarming to a person, even those who have no desire to participate in the church's functions. Whatever a person chooses to do, try to remind yourself that you are in control. Some DA themselves for that reason, THEY are the ones doing the leaving, they are not victims. Some write letters, again this puts the person in the position of managing the situation. If you attempt a fade, you do it because it is YOUR choice. If they then later want to hunt you down, your response should likewise be YOURS. Some here have played the game with the Elders, enjoying it for all it was worth. They were in control of the game and therefore don't feel victimized when the usually inevitable happens. Always remember you are the one departing from an oppressive unhealthy group, this is true even when their oppressive tactics result in labling you a liar or evil hearted apostate.

  • Ticker

    I would fade until you feel fully confident and ready to sever all ties. This way you can choose a future date if you feel the need to officially denounce your membership with the Watchtower organization. You may feel need to finalize it all or you may never feel the need to deal or contact the Witnesses ever again.


  • LittleToe

    Take it from someone who DA'ed themselves VERY publically: you probably don't need to do that!

    I hope to live in another state anyway and that will make it much easier to be independant and start living for myself.

    If this is the case then don't even fade. When you move just get on with your life. If your family ask, then you're just too busy to go to meetings. If they put the local congregation in touch with you, just make sure that you're regularly not in until they get fed up of bothering.

    The WTS will have no hold on you, and your JW family will still be able to talk. Why burn the bridge to your family if you don't have to?

    But most of all, don't live in fear - enjoy your life and live it!!!

  • daniel-p

    I've felt that I would most likely get to that point (DA) sometime in 2006 as well. I have an idea that I would not send anyone any letters trying to explain myself, or talk to anyone about the reasons. This would frustrate my family immensely, as they ask themselves the questions "what could EVER make him do that?" They will not get an answer, so they will never stop asking themself that question.

  • AuldSoul


    I wish it had worked out that way for me. My whole extended family knew the evening I turned in my letter. How? "Confidentiality" of the elder body, that's how. They were calling me and visiting all day that Thursday. Augghhh! Maybe if I had just said, "I no longer wish to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses" they wouldn't have bothered me...I don't know.


  • greendawn

    Stillawitness obviously if you disassociate you will be treated like a disfellowshipped person and your parents may or may not speak to you depending on how seriously they take the GB.

    If you just fade they will have no reason to shun you and you might as well do that, unless there are special reasons for you not to choose that course.

  • rebel8

    One of the things that could change is your name. I'm going to stop calling you "stillA" and start calling you "Stella" once you get your groove back stop being a dub.

  • stillAwitness

    Fading looks like the overall response here. And that looks like the plan.

    Ah yes, "Stella" Does have a nice ring to it

  • Mum

    Hi, stilla / Stella.

    The path to freedom is not all roses but definitely worth all that you have to go through. I moved to another state over 25 years ago and never looked back (well, maybe a little). It was really scary back then in the pre-internet days. Bit by bit, however, things came together.

    Do you have job skills? You will need a way to support yourself, of course.

    What interests do you have? You might join a few clubs or support groups with similar issues and interests.

    All the best,


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