I have been Dfd since I turned 19, I aux, pioneered for a short time and then selfishly went after the fruits of the flesh. i.e. smoking, sex, drinking, drugs, etc...
The thing I couldn't, or wouldn't, see at the time was that I was acting selfishly. It didn't matter what others in the cong. said about bad seed or spiritualy weak persons. Since my disfellowshiping I have imersed myself in satan's wicked system of thing, I now have a habit that is hard to get rid of, smoking, a list of past sexual partners, and many problems stemming from long term drug abuse. I finally picked up a WT and began to read, it was timely spiritual food at the time. It was an article about faith and Jehovah's love, in there it stated that we should not let outside influences affect our love for Jehovah. I have read many of the topics that are offered in this web site and all I have come across are apathy and hatred for one person from another. Some of this hatred comes from "jilted" former elders, some who served as shepards in the cong. for twenty years. they of all people should know God's will and his commands by heart. No-one should be able to shake your resolve be they CO's, Elders, Ministerial Servants, or brothers and sisters. I have spent Seven years away from the "Truth" and realize the huge mistake made by me in my youth by letting others decide if I was good enough to be a servant of God. It is a mistake that I made due to imperfection. I would love anyone to read and respond to this, especially former elders, MS's, CO's, etc... I would love to hear your stories wether you be Dfd, DAd, or trying to reinstate. Tell me why you left and, if you are, trying to get back. I will be eagerly awaiting your responses.....
Dfd and looking toward re-instatment
by GoingNuts 23 Replies latest jw experiences
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GoingNuts
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jayhawk1
I left when I was 24. I left because the all of a sudden had a problem with my beard. I did nothing wrong, but they decided my having a bead was being rebellous. So after a year of fighting with them, I gave up. Any religion can help with your problems. This religion is a cult, you are not allowed to have any personal freedom and further more my father killed himself because the religion depressed him that much. He kept waiting for the new system that will never come.
"Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford
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Nathan Natas
Sounds like you were a jerk when you were a witness, you sure are a jerk now.
Go back to them.
They need more like you.
Oh, just for the record, I'm an angel.
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think41self
Hi Goingnuts
Not sure exactly what you're looking for here, but I can answer a couple of questions for you.
I left because I saw that a bunch of men were trying to run my life, and make important decisions for my life that they had no business doing. No, I am not trying to go back...I will NEVER go back. It was a dysfunctional religion...and I was dysfunctional while I was in it.
As for leaving the organization and "going wild"...don't you think that had more to do with your age than anything? I left when I was 36 and I did not change any of my behaviors...I took up smoking about a year later, and still am. But as for the drugs and promiscuity, no I wasn't looking for something to numb me, or give me a false sense of self worth. So you do not need a religion, especially one that tries to stifle independent thinking, to get your life in order and stop self destructive habits! A good therapist might be a good place to start for you. I wish you well in your search!
think41self
"It is much more sensible to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, for if one is doomed to disappointment, why experience it in advance?"
Amelia Peabody Emerson -
Stacey
GoingNuts,
If you think that it's the "truth" and you want to go back and you think it will -solve- your external problems, then I wish you the best and hope that you have a good time trying to go back.
It's funny how two people can look at the same evidence and come to two different conclusions. I cannot ever believe again that that organization is God's chanel. Because of what I've seen and know - I know that it is a LIE and just a controling organization made up of men, not directed by God in any way. But that is just me. You will have to come to your own conlusion.
I have been "in the world" for 11 years. I am not an evil person and I have not turned my back on God by leaving the Org in any way. I agree with think41self... it's a human thing to experiment with life and figure out who you are. Not everyone that leaves the org turns into a "bad" person. There really is a bigger picture out there than the one you've seen. I wish you could see it.
Good Luck to you in whatever you choose.
Stacey -
Eyebrow
Going nuts,
when I was a teenager (before I was baptised) I decided to drift away and lived a "worldly" life. Did the drugs, sex, rock n' roll, and smoking. Ended up pregnant, and came back after I had my son and was baptized when 21. You see, I still believed the teachings, just finally got around to living the faith I believed in.
However, I became a very serious JW (I was pretty seriously into it before 14 too) and started to see that what was taught was not necessarily right. I got sick of the hypocrits in our congregation, and as "our thinking" kept getting "readjustments" (ie. what 1914 really meant and those of that generation, etc..) I concluded that many of the teachings I just could not align with my own bible reading. I finally left based on those real reasons...no longer social ones...when I was 27 years old.
It sounds like you want to be reinstated...and I would not necessarily discourage you from that. However, while you are waiting, take the time to really research the faith again and WHY you want to be a part of the religion. Never forget that the Watchtower Society is made up of sincere, but IMPERFECT people. Disobeying the Watchtower does not necessarily mean disobeying God.
Let us know how you are doing. Whether you decide to stay or leave, remember to base your decision on what you really believe and can prove...not out of guilty emotions.
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Prisca
Goingnuts
I was raised as a 3rd generation JW, my father was an elder and my sister pioneered for several years, so we were a pretty strict family and considered an "example" to the congregation.
I was baptised at the age of 19, a year after being kicked out of home by my father and step-mother, due to my step-mother's jealous insecurities.
I went out witnessing every weekend, gave #3 talks, aux pioneered a couple of times whilst working full-time. I fully believed it was the Truth and nothing but.
However, when we were studying the Greatest Man book for the 3rd time I realised how similar the elders were to the Pharisees of Jesus' day. I begun to study the Bible more, in the hope of answering the many questions I had. The more I studied, the more I realised how far removed the witnesses were from the original gospel of Jesus.
Eventually, I had to make a choice. To serve God or to serve a man-made, self-serving religion. I chose to serve God. It is the best choice I ever made. My life is not dictated by ever-changing doctrines and Talmudic rules, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my mind. And most of all, I have a personal relationship with God, rather than allowing imperfect men to intercede in that.
By the way, I am not disfellowshipped nor have I disassociated myself. The Bible says nothing about signing pieces of paper to join or leave a church.
I live in freedom, and I hope you will find that freedom too.
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Eyebrow2
Prisca,
wow...excellent point as to why DAing yourself really is not necessary. Never really thought of it in that context. I just never did it because I did not want to force my friends to shun me or cause undue hardship on my family.
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Bridgette
Dear Going Nuts,
If back in the ORG is where you need to be, then go. Seek your reinstatement. I wish you well in your journey. But keep an open line here. This will always be a place where you can speak freely. I believe think4iself gave you some excellent advice about seeking counseling. I agree with her also, that your "wildness" is probably more a product of your age, than some horrid automatic effect of leaving the ORG. What I found upon my exit was mostly just people getting on with life. You know, education, career, marriage. Just normal stuff.
BTW, the final straw for me was the utter lack of love. I began to "judge" the society with the same standards that they held up for Christendom. One point they always made was that the MAJOR culpability for Christendom lay in her claim to be God's representative on earth. hmmmmm.....
I'm learning not to judge anymore. ANYONE, ANYTHING.
As I've said, if it's where you need to be, then NOTHING and NO ONE can stop you. Not even apostates. Peace and love on your journey. Wherever it takes you. I hope you find healing and wholeness.
Love,
B.
p.s. Please do not be disheartened by a lot of the pain that is manifested here as anger. It truly is just pain and hurt. Now that it's found it's voice (sometimes after years of "stuffing it down") it can be pretty vitriolic. Allow people the processes they need to heal.
"No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding." Thich Nhat Hahn -
crossroads
Goingnuts----I wish you well, I got disfellowshiped for
celebrating the PAGAN EVIL holiday Christmas. Even
though I hadn't attended in years and so they say they
couldn't find me, upon hearing of the Evil they learned
of a great invention called the telephone. A 15 minute
meeting was held and I was out. I started going back
many years later and did get re-instated upon being
re-instated I was asked what do you want to study?
response the Greatestman book. C.O. sat in on my first study
said that was a BAD IDEA need to learn about THE organization.
It took me close to two years to get re-instated I was back
for less than a month, Like Prisca I feel no need to have
something formal done, the youngens know how I feel.
It's a CULT enjoy your stay I do not believe it will last long.Oh one more thing even though I was going through a divorce
at the time I stayed faithful to my wife and I haven't gone "nuts"on that front even after it being final. Never smoked
still don't, no drugs and drinking is limited, but all those things
don't matter, all you need is to believe HE was here HE died
and HE rose again----If you BELIEVE you WILL be SAVED
it is a GIFT.Peace Out------Mark