before any of you jump all over me about how I could love ANY JW's let me explain and just vent here.
some of you may have ready my hubby's post about us leaving the area. work, and wanting to fade has made this necessary. well, some of my dearest friends and family held a small party to wish us well. no one here knows about us mentally being way gone out of the org. they all still think we are good Jah loving witnesses. I was around these people and I feel hollow and kind of feel like the whole situation is surreal. I can't believe these people who I know and love, and who know and love me, can't see what a totally different person I am now.
I feel like a hypocrite.
I feel like a warrior.
I feel immense loss.
I feel immense sadness.
sadness for me, for my children, for my friends, my family, the loss of dear people. I've been with some of these people through some of the biggest moments of their lives. yet, in just a short while, there coldness for me will start to show. the impact of what reality is for me is starting to take shape and it feels like such a huge monster at times. I feel like I won't have the strength to win this one. I know I will. I always come out okay. It's the spoils of this war that I am mourning already. all the loss. so much to mourn about how much we loss in this battle.
I know this is a place to vent, and deal with anger over all we have lost. however, today, I would like to say: I love these Jehovah's Witnesses. not because they are JW's but because they are human beings who I have a connection to, and whom I have come to love. Some of them are closer to me than my own family. I think we need to remember these people as other human beings whom we love and will continue to love. I suppose I'm trying to teach myself where to place the anger and resentment, and I want to remind myself it's not directed to these people. I don't want to JW bash today. I want to love JW's today.
this is for all those I have to leave behind. you all may think I have a choice that I could have stayed in the org. I don't see that I had that choice. knowing what I know now, there was no choice for me. it was the consequence I was forced to take. please know my love is always there.
from third eye blind -" you want to know how deeply my soul goes? deeper than bones....deeper than bones....."
thanks to all of you for reading and just being around on this board....my new friends, in my new life.