I confess - Please help

by Lady Lee 38 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  I can't stand it anymore. I've been suffering with a problem for the last 20 years. I don't even know what it is called. I just know that when I have an attack I can't stop myself. Like here it is 3 am and I'm still at it. Up and down. I feel like a yoyo on a rollercoaster. Yesterday it went on until 4 in the morning. This is not good for my health or my feet. (I don't really need to be doing this all night long)

  My family is fed up with me. They don't even want to be around me when I get like this. They realized years ago I lose control and they can't help. I wind up driving everyone away. And still I have no control to stop myself.

  I've done a search on the internet and can't even find one discussion about it. I find it hard to believe that this is so rare that there isn't even one web site about it. That makes me think this is so bad no one wants to even talk about it.

  I thought if I tried talking about it here maybe someone would understand.

  So please if you know anyone who has this problem please let me know I am not alone in the world.

  Here are the symptoms:

  • Once the Christmas tree is up and decorated I start with the first symptoms.
  • My fingers start to itch. I'm not sure why though. It can't be an allergy.
  • I try to sit back and just relax thinking that the itching will go away but it never does.
  • I'll even turn out the lights so I can relax better - just sitting there in the glow of the tree's lights.
  • And then my vision goes dark. I used to have a problem like this with my vision many years ago but this is a bit different.
  • I have to turn my head away from the tree but I find I can't do it. I wind up being drawn to the tree. I feel like the moth drawn to the flame (good thing it isn't decorated with candles!)
  • And then it gets too much for me. I can't just sit anymore. I have to get up.
  • And then the problem really kicks into high gear.
  • I have to rearrange the ornaments.
  • And the lights.
  • I just feel like it is never quite right. Whatever "right" is.
  • So every night (and sometimrs in the day too) I have to move this light over here and that ornament over there. And I probably had it that way before but now I have to do it again.

  So how do I control this nightmare of ornamentitis?

  These sleepless nights are killing me.

  Oh dear oh dear

  Ya got this far and are still reading.

  Hope YOUR tree is up!

  Just watch out for that ornamentitis disease.

  Maybe it's so contagious that just by reading this you will catch it too.
• 

  Spectre

  Egg-nog, lots of egg-nog.
• 

  Gregor

  That's easy, you have OCD, Obsessive Christmastree Disorder. The classic symptom is feeling like a yo-yo on a rollercoaster which is not only annoying but dangerous, especially when the coaster is going down and the yo-yo is going up, ouch! Sometimes I feel like a Scotch and soda on an airplane but that's something entirely different.

  One solution is to get your ass back in the TRUTH and quit celebrating pagan holidays (except halloween of course which is cool).

  By the way, I've often thought that the only thing I miss about JW's is NOT celebrating Xmas. Now that makes sense!
• 

  Dansk

  Hi Lee,

  I guess your post says it all. You've helped soooooooooo many people over the years with your sound counsel and advice and yet how many of us stop to think that you, too, probably need help at times? OUR help!

  As it happens, I'm not overly concerned with your symptoms as they don't sound that unusual, considering I've known people react far worse in other areas of their lives. It sounds like you've got some kind of compulsive disorder that really only kicks in around Christmas., e.g. the tree. I don't know if you were brought up in Watchtower as a child but it has undoubtedly had a profound effect on your psyche (as it does on everyone's). I believe, and it's only my thoughts, that it's something connected with the beauty and happiness surrounding Christmas and the fight your old inner conscience had with being a JW.

  You want the tree to be right now - it's never good enough - so you alter this and that. It's driving you (and your family) mad, but psychological problems run deep and that's all there is to it. I think you're one heck of a wonderful person and really I don't see any reason to worry. It keeps you awake and can keep your family at a distance, but at least you and they are familiar with the symptoms and know they'll pass.

  I play very soothing music, New Age is very good, and I meditate (but not at the same time. I like absolute quiet when I meditate). I believe such would be good for you - and everyone else - too. It'll put your mind into relaxed mode.

  Yes, our tree has been up for over a week and is looking beautiful. Santa Claus is outside the front door, too! AND we have lights up around the front of the house. This is a JW-free zone

  Love to you, Lee.

  Ian
• 

  DazedAndConfused

  The minor problem I see is OCD. It sounds like you are having panic attacks due to former beliefs. This can cause restlessness and physical symptoms.

  I know the first couple of years it was hard for me to celebrate Christmas. Now it is my favorite Holiday.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Spectre

  Egg-nog, lots of egg-nog

  Now that sounds like a good idea! Gregor

  One solution is to get your ass back in the TRUTH and quit celebrating pagan holidays (except halloween of course which is cool). .

  Ewwwww Now that would really make me crazy!!! Ian You are such a sweetie. Just make sure you don't catch this problem--- although I have to wonder if this is more a female problem - oh don't get me started DnC

  The minor problem I see is OCD. It sounds like you are having panic attacks due to former beliefs. This can cause restlessness and physical symptoms.

  I suspect this condition is related to the one where a person keeps checking to see if there are any new posts on their thread. OK OK I'm going to bed.... but first there's another light I have to move Night all
• 

  Panda

  LL: My solution is to put up several trees; one for last years decorations, one for this years new stuff (or the stuff you bought on sale after christmas last year) and one tree for the cat to climb in... well thats just a suggestion because our cats will climb them all... and forget live trees ... we have a male Great Pyrenees who treats it like ...well ...a live tree.

  I have so enjoyed decorating for the holidays. And being mezmerized by tree lights and ornaments is just one of thos manic feel good rites of the holiday.

  Enjoy your egg nog!
• 

  katiekitten

  Thank you for highlighting this important and undiagnosed disease.

  I think I have a mild version. Every year the tree doesnt look 'quite' right. I have limited myself to an annual rearrangement, but its not quite enough. First year - WAY too many ornaments. Second year - tinsel wrong but most gaudy offensive ornaments disguarded. This year - no tinsel, most gaudy ornaments disguarded - but its still not right. Somehow they are not shiny enough...

  help me....
• 

  Satanus

  Obsessive compulsion of some kind. Possibly a regression hypnotherapist could help you find the cause, finding the cause could go a long way to controling it. 'Course, the regression could open the can of worms. Booze, meditation, or medication are my suggestions.

  S
• 

  wednesday

  Lady Lee,

  just wanted to say briefly, sounds like anxiety or panic attacks, with a nice case fo seasonal OCD. So you do this at other times of the year? or is it just christmas? Might try putting the tree someplace besidess where you sleep. there are a number of herbal concations that will help you sleep and forget about that tree. OCD relates to control , having control of some aspcet of your life.

  weds