by Gill 21 Replies latest watchtower scandals
Well, I'm not DFd or DAd so I'm not officially shunned. I am looked down on and whispered about behind my back. For most of my family, yes, I do want them free of the hold that the WTS has on them, so they can decide for themselves what to believe or not.
But to be honest, there are a couple of family members that I never care to deal with again, WTS influenced or not.
Well My mother was abusive before she became a JW. Being a JW just gave her some legitimacy for the abuse she inflicted on all her children. I keep thinking that all her children were physically abused while under her care. Her sister and all her daughters were sexually abused under her care. Her solution was to get rid of the kids. Two of those children (my sister and my aunt) have committed suicide. She still believes that I seduced her CLhusband when I was 12 years old. And she holds me responsible. We've had way too many arguments about this.
I can't see anything there for me to want to have her back in my life.
As much as my JW-ex I want no part of him either. But I think my daughters would like a different relationship with him. He has aplogized to each of them for his treatment of them when they were children. And they have accepted the apologies. They now have an odd relationship with him. It is infrequent but guarded. My daughter who has children does not leave him alone with her children. She doesn't trust him to not try to preach to them. So for their sake I would like him to leave and improve his relationship with both of them
i would love nothing more than for my family to feel they can associate with me again, i miss them all so much, but im sorry no news will ever make them leave the borg, they will just feel the society will answer it in its own time,
anyway when are we finding out what it is!
My family all still talk to me so it wouldn't make much difference. There are lots of active dubs that I really couldnt care less to ever see again, honestly. My hopes are mostly for the little kids to get a chance at a real life.
GBL
***I used to shun a relative who left the JW's while I was still active. When I became disillusioned and left, I tried to apologize & repair the relationship, but irreparable damage had already been done. We are cordial to each other at family functions, but the warmth and love is just not the same.
Yup, me too. It has caused a whole generation (my three grandchildren 23, 18 & 13, through my DFed son)to be cold and distant and in the 23 year-old's case---rude and nasty. Too much time has passed where they were brought up with hate in their hearts towards me, never even having met me.
***Hmmm, I get all of your points, but unlike them, my love is unconditional, and I would make sure to tell my father that
That's admirable...but we have seen there THEIRS isn't. Many are bitter towards OUR behavior that affected them so badly.
***i've come to realize that me and my family have nothing in common. although it would be nice to know they are free of the org for their own sake, i have a feeling i would end up not looking forward to visits and finding excuses to avoid returning their phone calls. just like a 'normal' family.
I have found this to be true. There is just too much difference to "take up" where we left off.
I only have one still left in the WTS, and she has done and said some extremely nasty and hateful things that had no bearing on the WTS----she is simply a lying, mean-spirited and vindictive person that I want NOTHING to do with---EVER. I know what she is capable of, JW pioneer-elder's-wife or not, and the further distance between us is the better.
I will be gloating over whatever the big news is, and knowing that HER world will be shaken a bit for once. She has always maneuvered and manipulated things so she always came up smelling like a rose---and she ended up married to $$$$$ the 2nd time, expensive home, a pool, cruises and trips to Europe etc....and THIS news should (hopefully) knock some sense into her. Sadly, I will NOT be part of any "revelations" she may possibly have as a result. She and her arrogant elder husband (who wouldn't allow me or her Dad to be sent an invitation to their big KH wedding) will have to live with more than one mistake this time. She has deliberatley touched MY eyeball too damn many times.
Soooo, when this news does break---I WILL be smirking and gloating....I deserve SOMETHING for all the heartbreak she AND the WTS have gleefully heaped upon me!
ALL I would do is give her tips and advise on how to maximize your google experience. Then give her a list of keywords.
Should keep her busy and off my back until I'm ready to deal with her. THAT will take building up my support system and preparing my spirit to allow her in again. It will be a slow process. And expectedly painful. Takes time to prepare for this. To be with ones self and comtemplate how to try and love again. There has simply been too much damage already done. I'm not expecting too much.
What I AM expecting is this news to bulldoze parts of the towers operation. And when THAT Fallout starts to blanket, well, I cannot predict the results.
From the new posters on this forum in recent days, I can see that the first blast {the announcement}, has caused a bit of fallout already.
Excellent!
sKally
Her solution was to get rid of the kids. Two of those children (my sister and my aunt) have committed suicide. She still believes that I seduced her CLhusband when I was 12 years old.
Lady Lee, I dont know how you have survivied this. You are wonderful and strong.
I wouldnt want a relationship with my mum if I was you, whether she was a Witless or not. She sounds like she has convinced herself so much of an imaginary history where a 12 year old girl is the baddie instead of an adult man, that she has lost touch with reality.
Im lucky my mum and dad are out, and I wouldnt really want my supercilious cousin and his wife back. Although if they werent Witlesses they might be different, likeable people.
It all depends upon the core personality of your relatives and their willingness to be honest and apologetic.
Sunspot for example has had a wonderful reunion experience, as have many others.
If you are taking a poll, then for me yes I would love to have a positive relationship with my relatives. However, it would take a lot more than the "big news" and them leaving the org for me to even begin considering having contact with them. It would require them to be honest and apologize for the horrible things they did to me (including physical and verbal abuse). It would also require them to make major personality changes, which would necessitate them getting therapy--all things that will never happen in real life.
Hi Gill,
I really feel for you and what you and your husband have been through - and I must confess I've wondered about my older daughter and the way I've been treated, especially after she's ignored me knowing I have a serious illness. However, one has to realise just how powerful the mind control of Watchtower is, so can we really say the individual is truly responsible? Cults live on fear and that's why they are so successful. If your or your husband's family is willing to admit it was wrong the way it treated you and to ask for your forgiveness then I would seriously consider doing so. I know it's not easy to contemplate, especially after having been treated like dirt, but, remember, we're better than that!
I'd be willing to forgive and see what transpires. It could turn out better than you could possibly imagine. If it doesn't, then you can always say at least you tried. I think everyone deserves at least one stab at forgiveness.
Love,
Ian
They did not quit in 1975
No, but thousands left and never came back.
