I went through all this in the Summer, around the time when we were announced as being DF'd. Immediately prior to the announcement, my father called to find out what their relationship with my kids was going to be. Of course, at the time I had no idea the a DF'ing was immenant so I basically said the same it's always been, but when it got around to us not being a part of those visits it was a different story.
We will not have them seeing our kids and subtling "saving" them behind our backs (because you and I both know that's what's going to happen) and allowing our kids to think this behaviour is acceptable. No way.
Well, that was August and they haven't called our house once to speak to us or the kids. Our lives are going on, and THEY'RE the ones missing out on it.