I want to see your children, but shun you!

by free2beme 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • free2beme

    I have relatives in the Jehovah's Witness religion still, and in-laws. Because my spouse and me were never officially disfellowshipped, they have a hard time with how to shun us. Basically, they don't. Every once in a while they make a new friend in their congregation and are convinced that shunning us is the best solution. About the time my son was born, this happened with my in-laws. They actually called us and asked, "Can we pick up our grandson, and take him to dinner?" To which we said, "why don't we all go?" They paused and said, "We really should not have any social connect with former Witnesses." Well we said, "no." Time went on and we forbid them to see our son, and they missed out on three months of seeing him grow. They even came by once and asked to see him, I asked them to leave and never return. They cried and another week went by, and they called and asked us all out to dinner as a family and it was business as usual from that point on. My spouse and I do not play around, in fact, we are quite mean in our handling of family members attempting to shun. You know what though, it works. For us at least it works and no one even tries it anymore. In fact, my in-laws have even come to Thanksgiving Dinner, Birthday parties and other "no no" events, to keep on our good side. All I can say, "not on my watch!" will these type of games of "shunning" happen in family. Former friends, who cares, I don't even remember most now ... been ten years. Family, another subject all together and I feel fortunate that it has never been a huge issue.

    Anyone else ever get the, "I want to see your children, but shun you!" speech or comment?

  • mrsjones5

    Kinda, I was never baptised but my parents have never really liked my husband (who isn't a jw and will never be one) and at one time they told me that the kids and I were welcome in their house but not my husband, to which I replied then me and our kids aren't either. What kind of mother would I be to let my kids go to their grandparents' house when their father is not welcome? A very poor excuse for a mother. What I fould out is if I held my ground my parents would give in everytime just so they could see the kids. Kinda silly, huh?

    Rock on Free2beme


  • MonkeyPrincess

    Good for you!! I wish i was as strong as you were.

    I got the "shun speach" too many times to count. Yes, i did allow them to see my son and i didnt involved, because honestly i thought that my son needed a relationship with his grandparents. But after some current events, i am cutting those ties completly. It is just better that way. I will always have hope that my family will one day be like your's and put the differences aside for the sake of their grandson!


  • garybuss

    Great job free2beme,
    I'm so glad you held your ground. You're not being mean at all. That's called assertive, and healthy. The shunning and the divisions they want only work IF WE let it. You didn't let it happen.

    It happened to me a lot before I put a stop to it. My wife's relatives wanted to come into our home and visit my wife and snub me. I put a stop to it years ago.

    The Witnesses are willing to fold ONLY when they realize THEY are the ones being punished by their own behaviors. You did one awesome job doing that. Congratulations!

  • Scully

    Mr Scully was involuntarily DAd a few years ago. My JW family members later advised me that he was no longer welcome in their home, but then added that I was welcome to bring the children any time. My response to that is that I will not permit anyone to teach my children to disrespect their father, and I will not allow them to be shown that behaviour as an example of "Christianity".

    They know that if they want to see my kids, they're going to have to do it with both of the parents present. That they haven't made any effort to do that in the last 4 years says it all.

  • jwfacts

    I have two different d/f friends that were shunned for years, until they have children. Then the story changed. The grandparents could not bear to miss out on seeing the grandchildren grow up and started to associate with them again, on the justification that it is best for the grandchildren. Funny how the grandchild bond can be stronger than the WTS.

    Then again I do know other grandparents that have never seen the grandchildren because the parents are d/f. Disgusting!!!

  • Bryan

    That's great. I think you have handled it wonderfully!


    Have You Seen My Mother

  • lisavegas420

    It has been completely the opposite for me. My parents didn't want to get to know my children, and now my three beautiful grandchildren. They feel that they are just going to die anyway...so they don't want to get attached.


  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    My mother who is not a JW would die if she didn't have access to her grandchildren.

    My husbands mother who is a JW comes and goes. She doesn't have any bit of the love or bond my mother has with our children.

    It's really sad and disgusting that love is polluted and defiled with some JW's. They don't really know the true meaning of uncondtional love.

    It's funny and sad to me because my MIL's next door neighbor is a JW and she has commented to us that she doesn't understand how MIL could treat our children this way. Their own son is completely inactive, celebrates Christmas, drinks and smokes and they have his son every weekend and even give him Xmas gifts and easter baskets because they don't want to seem like the bad grandparents....

    I'm a bit jealous.


  • Ellie

    Yes, I have that problem now.

    I was never baptised but I still get shunned by my family, only my mum keeps intouch so that she can see my kids, although shes only seen my youngest daughter once and that was only for 10 minutes.

    I allow her to my house or I will go to her house, she asked if she could take my oldest daughter out once to visit family but I told her no, didn't want them to tell her any bible stories, etc.

    The thing is though, I was once at my mums house when my older brother turned up, he sat in the kitchen so as not to have to speak to me, and I could hear him complaining about my 2 (at the time) year old, he didn't like that she was running around and making a noise, which leads me to believe that I'm actually quite glad he stays away.

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