Bullying/Harrasement-Please advise

by doodle-v 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • La Capra
    La Capra

    I was going to say the same thing, about it being an extension of the school.

    But do your homework first, before going to the school authorities. At one point you probably filled out paperwork that included the behavior policy and consequences for children who violated these policies. If there were none, well, then, the Y and the school district are grossly negligent. But I bet there are some. Point out to the Y administration how the local site is failing to observe its own policies.

    (If children are a danger to others in an optional program, then just imaging what it might be like out on the playground during the compulsory education part of the day...)

    And don't go to the principal. The principal probably has no authority over the staff of the program within this context. This is run by the Y, the Y probably pays for the facility. However, the school district probably has a liaison person (assistant superintendent) coordinating these programs between the Y and the school sites. Don't waste time on a principal who sees her job as being hostess with the mostest (my experience with dozens of elementary-type principals).

    While I never condone bullying behavior of any kind on my watch in my high school classroom and surrounding environment, I can't be evertwhere. There are two pieces of the picture here. Some kids get picked on. I can smell them from across campus. I call them "Bully Bait." Some do obvious things, with others it's very subtle. Get your girl in martial arts. A dignity of character shows up very quickly in these kids. The subtle change makes all the difference.

    Protect your baby, but realize that this is not an isolated problem-it will could show up elsewhere.

    Love on that baby-girl.


  • under74

    My sister's kids (or 2 of them) go to Y childcare. She told me that my nephew was having problems with a kid a couple months ago BUT all she had to do was talk to the director and it stopped. The director said there was a "no tolerance" rule. I would think that if these girls were saying something close to what I'm imagining them saying that those running the Y would be alarmed and not just talk to the parents but also if nothing changed call in authorities to deal with whatever problems these two sisters are having.

  • doodle-v

    Ok, here is what happened yesterday afternoon when I went to pick her up. First off the Y called saying they are calling all parents asking them to pick up their kids early (because of the snow). I didn’t want to drive (the school is only a few blocks away). I decided to walk so that way on the way back I could have a talk with her as we walked back home. When I went inside the classroom the lady in charge of the kids came up and started talking before I could say a word she said that she had kept those two mean girls and my daughter separated the whole afternoon, making sure they kept busy with different kids on separate sides of the room.

    I said I appreciated that and just so she knew, I let her know that my husband and I talked to the director that morning, notifying her of the situation that was going on. I also said that I was extremely upset over what those two girls said to my daughter yesterday which she didn’t know about. I said that I was shocked that two little girls would say something like that and my husband and I want the best for our daughter and would not allow her to be in an environment where that type of behavior was allowed.

    I said we want disciplinary action needs to be taken with the two girls and the behavior to cease. She said she completely understands and will be speaking with the director to about disciplinary action for the girls, even if it means suspension from the Y or expulsion altogether. Then she said, “I’d rather have your daughter here then them, they are making things difficult for other kids too, what they said yesterday is simply not allowed.”

    The entire time I could see out of the corner of my eye one of the bully sisters staring at me. I turned around and stared right back at her, as if to say “yes, I am talking about you.” She then looked away. I told the lady at the Y I would be coming back the next day to find out what is going to be done. She said of course and that in the mean time she will make sure they are separated. She also said she would talk to the parents of the two children that evening.

    As I walked home with my daughter I asked if the two bully girls said anything to her, she said no not really, I didn’t talk to them at all, except J---- (the younger of the two) came up to me and said “stop talking about me” and I told her I wasn’t.” I said well she probably knows she’s in trouble. Then I explained that some kids may be having problems or someone at their home is being mean to them, so sometimes when they come to school and they feel bad they try to make other kids feel bad too. She says “I know, and that’s not very nice, if they feel bad they shouldn’t give other kids a hard time, it’s not respectful”. I told her that I wanted her to know that it is not her fault, and her dad and I are making sure it won’t happen again.

    Thanks again for the advice, I’ll let you know what happens.


  • sf

    Thanks for the update. I was curious.

    Then I explained that some kids may be having problems or someone at their home is being mean to them, so sometimes when they come to school and they feel bad they try to make other kids feel bad too. She says “I know, and that’s not very nice, if they feel bad they shouldn’t give other kids a hard time, it’s not respectful”.

    At that age, it is hard for young girls to formulate how they feel, into words. So it comes out in their actions. It would appear also that no respect has ever been shown to these girls either, by their parents. I respect my daughter. Her thoughts, her feelings, her passions, her opinions, her beliefs, most of her choices. We listen to each other. This is learned behavior. There are lessons everyday when it comes to teaching them how to respect others. Yet, if no one at home is really paying attention to their thoughts, feelings, passion, opinions, beliefs and praising their choices, then what can any of us expect?

    It goes back to the parents.

    I just hope, for these girls sake, that someone hears their cries for help. The teenage years aren't far off for the 10 yr old. These days, 11 yr old are going into middle school. Those parents have a lot of work or those girls will have a rough road.


  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Hi Doodle,

    A lot of great suggestions have been made already.

    We belong to the Y also and I know that ours has a code of conduct for all members. I would check out if yours has the same.

    Also, if the Y fails to protect your daughter you can contact the state or county childcare licensing facilities and let them know what is happening. I can guarantee you that they will take it very seriously.

    Also, you may want to prepare your daughter in case she ends up alone in the bathroom or some other area with these 2 mean girls. Our niece was beaten up by 2 girls in the bathroom and called a n*gger because she's bi-racial at school when she was 7 or 8 years old. I wish my sister in law had told her, if you see these girls - go the opposite way. It would have saved a lot of heart ache and the police being involved.


  • Billygoat

    I was bully bait when I was in high school. As a freshman, there were three senior girls that hated me for some reason. To this day, I have no idea why. But all three of them would pick on me (and many others) and twice even tossed me around the locker room in gym class. Once, as I was walking to school in the rain, they drove by me and purposely hit a HUGE mud puddle by the sidewalk. I got drenched in spite of my umbrella. I saw them laughing in the back window as they drove on past. I sat in soaking wet clothes all day.

    I'm a firm believer that what goes around comes around. Call it divine intervention, karma, or just Life...they will get theirs someday. But I will say one thing...I think it's great advice for your daughter to get into a martial arts program. Knowing you, you'll not let her abuse the art, but it will give her a confidence that might not be attractive to bullies. I wished I'd had those skills when I was younger.

    Good luck!


  • Princess

    Aw, Doodle, so sorry to hear about this. You have such a sweet girl, it hurts to hear these girls are so awful to her.

    Sounds like you and S-B are doing a great job taking care of the situation. Tell him hi from Steve and I, and take care.


  • Gretchen956

    Doodle, sorry to hear about what you are going through, this is so hard to endure as a child, its wonderful that they have such supportive parents! I'm glad to hear they are taking this serious. Let us know how it all comes out.

    (((((huggs to you all))))))


  • LDH


    Personal opinion disclaimer. Both of these are true stories.

    I had this situation happen to my daughter at school when she was 6 and had to ride the bus home for the first time. There was a brother and sister team tripping her, pushing, etc. My daughter is not the victim type. The next day I boarded the school bus when it came to our stop, and asked the bus driver the story on these two kids. He told me they were CONSTANT troublemakers and had been suspended from the bus several times for their behavior.

    At which point I realized whatever the school administration had done---was useless. So I walked down the aisle of the bus, stood over the troublemakers and LOUDLY and AUTHORITATIVELY told them that if they caused one more problem on the bus, I was going to WHIP THEIR ASS. I also assured them that if they went home and 'ratted me out' I would WHIP THEIR MOTHER'S ASS. (This behavior is bred in the home.) The look of fear in their eyes was priceless.

    Now of course I would not have done this. However, at almost 6 feet tall and with my death look on, these kids did not know that!!! So help me God, that bus driver and I became great friends and he never had another problem. The other kids were so appreciative that these two bullies had been confronted. The bullies became model bus riders, and I oughta know cause I was out there every day checking on their behavior!!! (with my best evil eye, LOL. )

    Now my 4 year old is being badgered by a boy in his preschool class. Last week, when he couldn't take it anymore, he bit the child. I went to pick my son up and the center tells me, "We know he was provoked, but he did bite Dylan!" Instead of acting apologetic or shocked, I calmly asked if Dylan had learned not to harass my son? Later the teacher took me aside and said my son had been exemplary in not responding to Dylan. Well when I got to the classroom to pick my boy up, Dylan says, "JULIUS BIT ME!!!!!" in his best four year old whine. I responded by informing Dylan that Julius has my permission to use force if he is not left alone! Bingo, no problems.

    No I am not a fan of violence but rather, respect. When you have a child bully, many times the only thing they understand is respect via fear. My suggesstion to you is to calmly go into that environment and directly tell both children that you are AWARE of their actions, that their actions are UNACCEPTABLE and will not be TOLERATED. Use whatever words you think they will understand. Address them directly and in ear shot of your child, the other children, and the teacher.

    You must be the protector, and your child must know this.

    You can't get in trouble for verbally letting the children know that their actions will have consequences. It's best not to tell them consequences you are referring to, kids have a very active imagination!

  • doodle-v

    ((LDH)), ((Billygoat))

    Thanks for the advice and also for sharing your stories.

    ((Princess and family)) J says Hi to you and the family too!

    Just an update.

    Friday we went to pick up our daughter and talked to the lady there. She told us she spoke with the parents and "they just shrugged it off, and we were'nt getting anywhere with them", so they said that her and the director will put some discipline in place, most likely suspension. She said she'd get back to us to let us know exactly what was done. I talked to my daughter that evening and asked if anything went on that day and she said everything was fine, except the two sisters kept glaring at her when they walked by. I briefly thought about confronting the two little prissies myself but I thought better of it. If it continues even after they are suspended, then J and I will definately take matters further. We'll contact the elementary school, notify other parents and contact the authorities and our lawer. It's ON now!

    *Doodle-v transforms into Satan the Doodle*

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