Have you had a midlife crisis? A sort of poll....

FlyingHighNow

If you've experienced anything like a midlife crisis or middle-age-crazy please comment.

How old were you when you went through it?
How long did it take to get through it?
Did you come to embrace the new old you?
What things did or do you tell yourself to cope or accept the end of your youth?

I did go through a shake up in my early 40s. One day it dawned it me that 20 years earlier I had been 20 something. In twenty more years I would be 60 something. It really hit home that I wasn't going to be young forever and that I was going to grow old and die barring premature death.

I'll say more about how I got through it and the things I realized that help me to keep it all in perspective. Just thought I'd get some of us sharing an era of our lives.

Flyin'

Mac

I intend to live to age 130......get back to me at age 65 and I'll give you my take on middle age!

mac

FlyingHighNow

Mac, you young rascal.

bem

A bitter fact but yes.right before birthday # 41 until after I turned 42 very rough year or so. I just kept evaluating things and they were not balancing well.Other than fact that I had my children I was feeling like everything up to that point was a waste. Then I realized I needed to distance myself from people that seemed to be draining me. That worked to an extent. Then I started to get a grip on my life.Evaluating my needs. My kids are married and very independent. We stay in close contact,One at home is 15 When I realized I was about to be the last one left at "home"I figured I'd better get with it make some changes.So here I am about a month after B.day 44 and I have more confidence in myself than ever. But I have recieved some support along the way recently that is really helping me gain confidence. Thanks "Support" This forum has been a huge help.

FlyingHighNow

bem,

Mine came at 41, too.

So here I am about a month after B.day 44 and I have more confidence in myself than ever. But I have recieved some support along the way recently that is really helping me gain confidence

When I was reading your experience, it occured to me, maybe we were designed to have a major look at our lives at mid age. Maybe it's a grand designer's plan that we don't waste the rest of our lives so he/she makes us take a hard, sobering look at was, at what is and what shall ever be.

JWD is very supportive. It's so uplifting to read about how much you've been helped. Thank you for taking the time to reflect and to share.

Flyin'

iiz2cool

My midlife crisis started at 25. I like to get a head start on things.

I'm still in my midlife crisis now, and am desperately trying to hold on to it until I hit 80.

Walter

bem

Yes, Flyin. I can totally relate to your words what a relief to know someone can feel for what you have expierienced. I know it can sound corny.....I do finally feel like I can BREATHE. I find I say things differently to people about staying married or in a one sided relationship.I look at it all different. I have not lost my values just found some other valuable things to add. Another thing that prompted my inward search was really looking at other people and how they spent there life.Then some died that I reflected on,how they spent there life some made changes soon enough to leave this world happier and some never made themselves or others feel any goodness at all. Thinking I don't wanna be some cranky ol' woman no one can stand,With a hateful husband I can't stand. Funny how we can sum things up in words in a few minutes when it takes us years to come to a conclusion.LOL

Thanks for the post flyinHigh. (((((((to ya)))))))

franklin J

yes, I think I may be entering a mid life crisis now. That may be what brought me to this forum; and kept my interest....

I turn 48 next month, guess I always have been a late bloomer. I am not sure if the crisis I am experiencing is in reaction to my fathers recent passing; followed very quickly by the passing of my wifes sister due to breast cancer; or if it is just a change in lifes season. There has been an emotional rollercoaster due to these deaths in my life and my wifes. But life does go on. Life goes on its routine day to day ( the children are a tremendous anchor to keep that routine---this is a good thing); but I can sense that something in the foundation of my life has shifted.

I am fortunate enough to have some good sturdy Mediterranean genes; tough skin no wrinkles and I tend to look much younger such that people are surprised when they hear my age; so it is not a "I'm getting older" problem. I do not mind growing older, ( that is, as long as the hydraulics work!) and actually have always wanted to be one of the gracious, white haired grandfathers who plays with their grandkids ( think of the opening scene of "The Godfather".)

My life is something well ordered and routine; perfect wife; perfect kids; perfect house; right out of a "Norman Rockwell" painting. I have had incredible impluses to just drop everything; take my kids ( I would NEVER leave them) and relocate to Italy. Whether or not my wife comes is her decision. I tried to do this directly after the 9/11 incident ; and the wave of uncertainty that swept over NYC and Long Island ; she stopped me; arguing that the children would be safer in the USA; with all the anti American thinking abroad. She was right ; and I admit a bit more rationale about this than me. In hindsight it was less intrusive to the children to not uproot them.

I studied architecture in Italy and have some wonderful memories of living there. It was, after my jolt out of JWland, a place where I literally went through a "renaissance" of my life. I have returned; and it has always been with a feeling of intense belonging. ( perhaps my ancestors calling to me?) And my wife has always been a part of it, like another well fitting piece of my life.

I can't help but wonder if my experiences as one of JWs has any bearing on any of this and I think not. It is purely an insecurity born of ...boredom? predictability? A need for more...what? I have everything I could ever want or ever dreamed of wanting. I do not know. It certainly will not be calmed by a new flashy sportscar...or an affair with a younger woman.

So I continue my routine day to day; and stay committed to my responsibilites; focusing on things like rebuilding parts of the house; cultivating the gardens at the house; building a new grape pergola; taking the kids to their dance classes and soccer games, etc, etc....eventually this feeling has to pass...my wife is the centerpiece of my "world" so to speak; the children are the icing on the cake--they always come first. But my wife listens patiently to my rants, desires and general insecurities and has agreed to follow me to Italy AGAIN (she has done it before; and will most likely do it again) after the kids are grown. Perhaps a family vacation to Italy some summer when the kids are a bit older... perhaps..in the meantime there is a certain peace to the routine...and I know I should not indulge myself with these silly questions, but should just do what is expected of me and count my blessings,,,

.and this will most likely end when my 13 year old daugher discovers boys.....HAH, now that will be something to wake me up.

I take great consolation to know that I cannot be the first to go through ...whatever this is...

FlyingHighNow

BEM, you're welcome. Thank you again for sharing. I feel the same way you do about not growing old and having regrets about relationships, crabbiness, etc.

I turn 48 next month, guess I always have been a late bloomer.

That's cute, Frank. So you are Italian, very cool. My first husband was, too. I enjoyed reading your insightful post. I feel like I know you and your family better now. You almost sound like someone like the movie A Walk In The Clouds. That family was hispanic but seemed almost old world Italian. Your life sounds beautiful and rich and no wonder you have that warm smile in your avatar.

I used to get that urge to run. I'd dream of moving back to gulf coast. It finally dawned on me one day that I used to get the urge to run when I was five years old, too. We get this urge throughout our lives. The point is to recognize it as the coping mechanism that it is. And you have.

I was going to come back and joke to Mac and Walter that I'd expect you wonderful JWD guys to joke and not share your feelings and experiences. Thank you for changing all that, Frank.

Flyin'

Sassy

I may have had a midlife crisis.. but the thing is I always have life crisises happening everytime I turn around..

who is to know what is what?

Have you had a midlife crisis? A sort of poll....

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