disfellowship or disassociate

by Odrade 42 Replies latest members private

• 

  Odrade

  So, let's assume you have enough time to decide which you would prefer. You know your fade is definitely not going to work, and the hell-ders are breathing down your neck. You have loyal JW family (loyal to the WTS that is,) and you really can't avoid some kind of action being taken. Other people have begun to figure out that you have done nothing scripturally "wrong" but that you just don't "believe" anymore. The term "apostate" is being bandied about.

  What do you do? Do you adhere one last time to WT rules? DA yourself? Go to the last judicial committee meeting and give it one last effort? Or do you stay out of it, say "Those are your rules, I'm not meeting with you, whatever action you take is all on your head..."

  Just thinking ahead to the inevitable... with Memorial approaching, our not attending WILL make a statement. We are well-known in the area, with much family in the Organization. We live in the territory of the last hall we attended. People have an inkling we quit for policy and doctrinal issues, not for wanting to "engage in wrongdoing."

  I'm leaning towards the last option. If they want to get us, it's their rules, their action. I will do nothing to either help or hinder whatever that action might be. If we were to be disfellowshipped, I believe it would stick in people's heads longer, people who know us might wonder why. Also by doing something like da'ing it would be as if I still recognized the WTS publishing corporation's moral authority over me. They are not a moral authority, I don't acknowledge them as such, so I'm not going to play the little game.

  But that's just me... what would you do?

  Odrade
• 

  simplesally

  If it were my choice......I would do nothing. You don't belong so why do you have to formally quit. When we were kids, when you quit playing ball, you just walked off the field. At work, if someone doesn't show up for 3 days in a row without calling, it is assumed they quit. They don't need to call. A final check is sent to their house, no bad feelings. Why can't leaving the Borg be the same way?

  I would not write a letter, I would not attend a JC.
• 

  gitasatsangha

  I always felt like I had to be looking over my shoulder until I wrote the letter. Think of it from one perspective, like it or not, you are affiliated with that group until you officially leave it, therefore like it or not, you are tied in with all the terrible things they do. Fading only works for awhile. As long as you have to worry about it, they have you, one way or another.
• 

  Scully

  The Memorial this year falls on a Sunday.

  Be out of town for the weekend. If you are asked if you attended out-of-town, you can say that you tried to attend but showed up too late. There won't be any way that the information can be verified.

  Or get sick with something nasty-contagious like shingles. How loving would it be to bring it to the KH and expose The Friends?, especially children and the elderly, to a nasty illness like that?

  Love, Scully
• 

  Odrade

  haha Scully. Actually we did something kind of like this for last year's district convention. This year for memorial we're just not going. No excuses. I really would rather they knew I chose not to go than think I'm really really flaky. Anyways, I can't be the only one for which playing the fade game is getting intolerable, nor the only one who will have fallout from skipping memorial...

  O
• 

  Elsewhere

  I believe it is best to Quit rather than be Fired.
• 

  Mulan

  Or do you stay out of it, say "Those are your rules, I'm not meeting with you, whatever action you take is all on your head..."

  My cousin did that and they disfellowhipped her in absentia. They can do that.

  Either way, disfellowshipped or disassociated, the results are the same. No one can talk to you. Families usually make their own choices in that, but many are taking a hard line these days.

  I agree that it might be good for you to be away that weekend. If necessary, lie to the family and tell them you went to one in Bermuda, or some other remote congregation.
• 

  Odrade

  Exactly Mulan, that's why I'm throwing the question out there. I know they can df in absentia, they did it to my best friend, and I know plenty of others who walked away and never looked back. Lo and behold some time later some hellder gets a bee in his bonnet and an announcement is made. I'm inclined to let things play out that way.

  Personally I think the more people who are df'ed in absentia--especially after a long time of non-participation, they more wavering Dubs may begin to see how truly controlling and ridiculous the shunning doctrine is... just some random thoughts this morning while having my coffee...

  O
• 

  Dansk

  Odrade

  I don't acknowledge them as such, so I'm not going to play the little game.

  But that's just me... what would you do?

  That's what I did - NOTHING! I, too, won't play their games. I'm not DFd (or not to my knowledge) and I'm not DAd - but I am shunned

  I've just walked off the park and left them to it. They know they're not welcome here. They know what I think of them and their poxy dogma.

  It's good not to do anything because nobody knows what you're about. And remember this, while you're not DFd or DAd others with serious doubts might be more willing to come and see you. If you are blacklisted by the congregation someone who might want to visit you might be too afraid in case they were spotted and you'd then be unable to help them exit.

  So, to reiterate, don't do anything. Just be free.

  Ian
• 

  Scully

  Odrade

  The thing you have in your favor - if the elders decide to announce that you DAd without your having sent a letter - is that you will be able to truthfully tell your family that you did not write a letter or verbally request to be DAd. You can put it back on the elders' heads that they committed a procedural error. If you are not doing something overt that is a disfellowshipping offense (smoking, committing adultery, etc) but are merely Inactive? and Spiritually Weak?, are they really behaving like Shepherds? if they make an announcement that you are DFd or DAd?

  A person who is ill has the right to decide whether or not to go to their doctor or to a hospital when they are sick, or they can decide to let their illness run its course at home. Bottom line, you are not trying to impose on the beliefs of people who do choose to go to the KH, which is - to their way of thinking - the identifying mark of an Apostate?.

  Love, Scully