I've been out for over three years now and a day still doesn't go by where I don't think about my life as a JW-like a very bad dream I can't wake up from. When I left, I didn't fade, I just left and no one really seemed to care even though I had been very strong in the faith having been a regular pioneer just months before I left. Since that time I have only been called on once by JW's and I believe that was due to my parents and a special KM section advising elders to seek out inactive publishers.
I told my parents that no one was to call on me or bother me ever which has been respected but I feel that my parents still don't get it. It's as if they feel that I might come to my senses one day and come back one day even though they have been told about everything from the UN to Silentlambs without them blinking an eye. Thus, I find myself free but not really. I feel as if I need to send a clear message to everyone that I have chosen to leave with specific reasons, otherwise I might not be able to mentally move on. I realize that my parents might not talk to me anymore but in a way our relationship is already fake because we don't talk about anything real-just the same generic recycled information. My parents don't want to talk about any real issues, in essence reality.
More and more even though I have pretty much done a perfect instant fade, I have been thinking about formally saying I quit. If I do, many people will get my "I quit letter" (I wouldn't call it a DA letter, just a I quit letter). I don't think I will be playing by their rules but be my own convictions and beliefs. I would send a letter to the elders, to some of my old JW friends, my parents of course, to Brooklyn, and one letter to a pioneer couple living in Grenada who essentially are responsible for my parents becoming Witnesses back in the late 70's. I'm not sure I can move on until I write my letters. Plus, it will force the issue with my parents. I would rather know now if my parents will truly respect me for being me instead of prentending that it is ok that I'm no longer a dub.
