How important to a marriage or LTR is having a shared spiritual outlook?

by Open mind 31 Replies latest members private

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Looking at it a little closer, I think it's a matter of respecting each other's RIGHT to have our own spiritual view. As far as respecting the JW spiritual view, there's not a whole lot left I respect.

  Yes, make sure you respect her RIGHT. You know she has good intentions and concern for people.
  If a former JW or non-JW cannot respect their mate's desire for spirituality and good intentions, how
  can they expect the JW to respect theirs? The JW thinks their mate is spiritually dead and the former
  JW thinks the JW is spiritually blind. You have to look past those.

  There are many here who have a hard stand on JW family. I understand them, but many of us are
  in different situations with different decisions as to what to do. I offer the wife a ride to the hall or
  ask how her evening went (when she returns from the hall). Since she doesn't want to hear the
  dissenting information, I only expose it in little mini-interventions. I don't blitz her with "It's a cult, let
  me tell you why." I did try some of that, but it didn't work. That leaves the choice of respect for her
  JW feelings and intentions OR divorce. I don't choose divorce.
• 

  trevor

  Spiritual outlooks can change as they are built upon assumptions that have been accepted by us and converted into belief or faith. This is not true of the JW movement as it is a cult which indoctrinates its members and holds then in line with threats, using fear as its main influence. A change of values of beliefs is not allowed within their prison.

  To have a mate who shares our beliefs may be comforting and bolster our view that we have found truth but this should not be the purpose of having a mate, or essential to getting on together.

  What is essential is tolerance and respect of out partners right to hold views which are different to ours. In such freedom relationships can flourish, Without this room to move and grow, relationships are at risk of dying from suffocation. This applies not just to spiritual matters but to many other subjects that we may hold different opinions about.

  I have been married for 25 years and have some idea of what I am talking about and my wife had better agree with me because I won't tolerate her holding ideas different to mine. After all we are married and I am in charge!!!
• 

  Open mind

  Thank you to all who have given your perspectives so far. Now please humor me for just one little extra twist. I mentioned in my original post that I'm planning on AT MINIMUM fading to the level of flaky publisher.

  To what extent, and for how long, would you be willing to maintain some level of JWism for the sake of maintaining peace and/or a feeling of security for your loyal-dub spouse?

  Open Mind
• 

  Bumble Bee

  To what extent, and for how long, would you be willing to maintain some level of JWism for the sake of maintaining peace and/or a feeling of security for your loyal-dub spouse?

  HHmm, tough question. There was a time when my husband was feeling guilty about missing so many meetings and not wanting to go by himself. I did offer to go with him to some of them. He has never taken me up on that offer, and frankly now, I just couldn't do it if he asked. He doesn't attend any meetings anymore, but struggles with that from time to time.

  I think at this point in my life, if he wanted to start attending again, he'd have to go alone.

  BB
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  To what extent, and for how long, would you be willing to maintain some level of JWism for the sake of
  maintaining peace and/or a feeling of security for your loyal-dub spouse

  That really will differ from person to person. When I started fading and posting on here, I had some
  PM's back and forth with a long-time poster who said that if my wife really cared about me, no
  matter what the WTS taught her, she would remain loving and caring even if I left the JW's. So,
  for me, I decided to totally fade from activity. That is not the case in every fader's life.
  My opinion, which might not work for you, is to be firm about your decisions to fade and continue
  to fade to total inactivity. That status could be attained by a few years if you want to be careful.

  I wouldn't remain barely active for just a spouse, but when there are others involved (children or
  your distant family, in-law family) then it changes. Only you can decide what to do. I would probably
  leave the meetings as soon as my children showed a genuine interest in it. Without kids, it gets
  easier and easier to decide to walk away from active status.

  If there's less strife in your life, and you prefer that, you can go to meetings and you can turn in
  a field service report. The field service was the first thing to go for me, but there's always 1 or 2 hours
  per month in "informal witnessing." Its hard to pretend service with family still going. Maybe you can
  find a way to fade out of being at weekday meetings, and then you can start planning more and more
  weekend activity for the family. Don't hide your fade, just your reasons if they will turn you in. Make
  a big deal out of any stepping aside from privileges. Say why you are doing it, but give caution to your
  words- leave room for them to be clear that you never SAID it wasn't the truth.
• 

  eclipse

  Are not said beliefs the core of the soul? If the two souls are not in harmony, how can the relationship have real substance. It would just amount to killing time together. JMHO.

  Nvrgnbk, I understand your point here, being that I have never been married, or in a long term relationship, I can only bring to the table what I have learned from others.

  I would think that if they were both HAPPY with one another, and truly giving and meeting their partner's needs, despite differences in beliefs...I think the relationship can have substance.

  As long as both people put in substance, the relationship will have substance. you only get out what you put in. jmh(but inexperienced)o.

  -e
• 

  Bumble Bee

  Are not said beliefs the core of the soul? If the two souls are not in harmony, how can the relationship have real substance. It would just amount to killing time together. JMHO.

  This is not a situation that is unique to JW's only. I have a friend that in the last few years has become a Born Again Christian. He husband never has and according to him, never will, have anything to do with religion, God, Jesus etc. They definately have grown apart, and it has caused problems in their marriage over the last couple of years. It's a fine line, being able to respect the other persons beliefs when they are different than yours.

  BB
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  Open mind

  Bttt for any thoughts from the JWD Night Shift.
• 

  Open mind

  One last bump cuz it's pretty important to me.

  Thanks again to all who have responded so far.

  Open Mind
• 

  eclipse

  To what extent, and for how long, would you be willing to maintain some level of JWism for the sake of maintaining peace and/or a feeling of security for your loyal-dub spouse?

  BTT

  Take it slow and easy, you know your wife better than any of us here, OpenMind. Do you have any ideas about how long it would take?