How important to a marriage or LTR is having a shared spiritual outlook? (page 4)

OnTheWayOut, good advice.

My wife and I have been together for six years. I've been out for the past year and a half; havent been to one meeting except for the memorial. At first, we had some pretty serious arguments and falling-outs when I was first seriously doubting. I learned that if she was going to change, it was going to be from within. So right there I decided to support her every way i can and to respect her beliefs. ABout a year ago I decided to not speak about any of the reasons why I left the JWs with anybody. This is because I want to be able to fade and have my family. I don't know if this will always work, but its working splendidly well so far. For a while, my family tried very hard to get me to discuss why I was inactive, but I never gave in and told them. I just said that was"off limits" and I wouldn't accept it with anyone. I had been able to explain my reasons to my wife beforehand, and that was enough for me. She accepted it. In return, I'm not constantly on the lookout to undermine her faith. That's not a loving thing to do between a husband and wife. If both have true mutual respect for one another, that would never be an option. For me to do so would be a betrayal to her. If she needs the JW religion for whatever personal reason, I support that wholeheartedly. Like i was always admonished to do as a full-fledged "brother," I try to set a good example of respect and trust. I've placed my trust in her and I'm not holding out - she follows suit and we're a stronger couple for it. Since I've been out, we've grown together in a much stronger way - one reason being that i am truly free in my own mind and that makes me stronger, able to help her more.

My advice to anyone in a similar position is first and foremost: state your personal opinions, observations to your mate, but then leave it at that. Get on with your life and don't harp on the same old objections. Don't engage in spiritual conversations. If you know you have different beliefs, work on repsecting them, not trying to argue your way into a "winning" position. Don't discuss your reasons for leaving the JWs with anyone else. Show lots of affection... this I can't stress enough. It may seem like a small thing to a man, but its absolutely vital to a woman.

I guess there's lot of other things, but those are the ones the stick out in my mind this morning. i would just like to finally say that don't give up in working toward that mutually-respectful relationship. i went through some very rough periods, sought therapy for a few months, talked to others ("wordly" people) to look at things from another perspective, all to get a handle on my situation. I eventually did, and it's been very rewarding. Too many people put too much emphasis on finding a partner who "agrees" with you, or sees things your way religiously. This is bullshit. First of all, its never gonna happen - you'll disagree plenty. Second, it's not vital for a good marraige. Sure, it may make things easier when you're still both young and still finding your own identity, but in the long run, it's not something that holds two people together. Just remember the advice from the ol' Family Book! Love, trust, respect. That's all there is. We all know there's a lot of bullshit in that book, but these three things are ubiquitous.

-dp

How important to a marriage or LTR is having a shared spiritual outlook?

Open mind

daniel-p

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