One of our daughters in law said this:

by Mulan 30 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mulan

  Our daughter in law, Tracey, who was never a JW, is a hair stylist. I went to the place she works for a haircut the other day, and was telling her about the big party at Joy and Steve's last month. We talked about a lot of things about the party, and then she said this:

  "It seems to me, that all of you are still Jehovah's Witnesses in many ways. Why can't you just let it go and move on? So many of you are still so bitter and angry, and have lost your faith in anything."

  I thought it was a fair question. She thinks Dave (me a little bit) is the most balanced one she knows of all ex JW's (because he still believes in God), and the rest are kind of unstable (I'm sure she didn't mean you, Princess). I explained that many of us have been hurt immeasurably and it takes a long time to heal, and most of us will be "ex Jehovah's Witnesses" for the rest of our lives. She understands that concept, and seemed to accept it as an answer.

  Just sharing. (she is a Christian and has a very strong faith in God/Jesus, so that might color her thoughts too)
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  onacruse

  most of us will be "ex Jehovah's Witnesses" for the rest of our lives.

  In a way, that's nothing more than saying "I was in the VietNam war, and will be a vet for the rest of my life." I'll be an xJW for the rest of my life, and possibly on into the next life. And I'll gladly carry those scars as a real part of my existence, the same as I carry the scars from my left knee TJR. It's just an inerasable part of my life.

  But, I can change (and am changing) my fundamental viewpoint of the universe. In that sense, I'm becoming more and more non-xJW.

  Craig
• 

  SixofNine

  she is a Christian and has a very strong faith in God/Jesus, so that might color her thoughts too

  Uh, yeah.

  Frankly, we ex's have been givin a gift, in that we are often able to look critically at the mythology of all religion. We may be angry still at the religion we were damaged by, and even angry at religion for it's damage to the planet, but we have much more freedom to be happy and not carry the cognitave dissonance that comes from trying to reconcile "god" with "the crap that happens on this planet".
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  expatbrit

  She thinks Dave (me a little bit) is the most balanced one she knows of all ex JW's (because he still believes in God),

  In other words she grades other peoples balance by determining how much they agree with her religious/spiritual viewpoint. Exactly who is displaying a similar attitude to the JW's here?

  Expatbrit
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  Ravyn

  Now be fair! If you were not told she was christian would you have taken what she said like that? she said no faith in anything. I think she is right about that. But faith does not depend on reason and for most of us, reason is what saved our lives.

  people who do not have post-traumatic-stress-disorder do not know what it is or what it is like to live with. It does not go away, ever. But it can be coped with. We are all at various levels of coping and back-sliding and bitterness go right along with it. She just does not know. We should hope that people like her, never know! I have a good friend who is a fundy xtian to the max, and he seems to be getting even more of one since a serious illness, someday it may mean the end of our friendship. But, it may also mean the only childish hope he has left to comfort him as he dies from this illness way too young! I will not take that away from him. I have nothing better to offer him in its place!

  So don't be too harsh on the ones who are young and never knew what we knew. Every one travels their own path at their own speed. Including us.

  Ravyn, proud Xer and apostate
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  Ghost of Esmeralda

  I have wondered myself about being 'stuck' and not being able to let it go. I think the difference in people being able to completely move on and those of us who are always going to be 'recovering' exJw's is that those in the latter category have family still in, are dealing with being actively shunned on a daily basis.

  I don't let it run my life, most days I don't even think about it. The only time I ever think of the word 'disfellowshipped' is when I'm here, or when something happens like the family event last week. The rest of the time, I honestly don't think about it much.

  Don't know if that means anything, but I know that I have come a very long way from where I was three years ago, even if I have bad episodes, like last week...hope someday I'll be 'cured' even if the old scars are still there.

  hugs

  essie
• 

  bluesapphire

  You know what, Mulan, I have felt the same way. In fact, I told someone one day that I am tired of being an "Ex-JW." Funny choice of words isn't it.

  But really, since I was only a part of it for six years, it's just not that pre-eminent a part of my personality anymore or who I am. All of our experiences make us who we are. But I am not going to be a label. I'm just going to be me.
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  Mulan

  I agree with you, Essie and blue. For the most part, we have let it go too, but it's true most of our friends are ex JW's, for the reason I think, we have a shared past. I was a JW for 46 years, from the age of 4, so it formed me.

  There was a great line in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" that I adapted to us, as former JW's.

  "Don't let having been a JW define who you are, but let it enhance who you have become." (it was 'being Greek' in the movie)

  We all are who we are because of our experience as JW's. Maybe we can be more understanding of others who are in cultish religions or any religion, if they choose to be. And NOT critical.

  Tracey is a dear, and her becoming a Christian, changed her for the better.
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  Princess

  I am NOT unbalanced. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm sure she wasn't talking about me too.

  All my friends know about my background. Those who are christian or attend a church are really puzzled by it and cannot fathom what it was like. They think I should find a new church and move on. I moved on without a church. Mom is right when she said it forms you. I was a witness until I was 27 and it was the major influence in making me who I was at 27. The past seven years of being an XJW have changed me into who I am today.

  If you never were a JW then you simply cannot understand what it means to be an XJW.

  Two of my sister's in law are church going christians who simply don't get it. The other is an XJW, nuff said. I love them all but relate best to the X.
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  Dansk

  Frankly, we ex's have been givin a gift, in that we are often able to look critically at the mythology of all religion. We may be angry still at the religion we were damaged by, and even angry at religion for it's damage to the planet, but we have much more freedom to be happy and not carry the cognitave dissonance that comes from trying to reconcile "god" with "the crap that happens on this planet".

  Amen!

  Dansk