My daughter is engaged! So why is my heart under my feet......

by Bryan 40 Replies latest members private

• 

  Big Tex

  Weep and I'm weeping with you.

  I as well. Bryan, I am so very very sorry. Her letter reads similarly to one my sister once wrote me. From what you've told me about her, I agree with Six in that eventually she will leave this organization. It might be many years, but she will part ways with them. And when she does, be there for her as you should now. You have a right to be hurt and angry, but if you can find it within yourself to keep communicating with her it will do nothing but keep the love you have for her alive.

  She has let you know how you can reach out to her, so take her up on it. Write letters, keep them short and breezy but always let her know how much you care for her. Do this, and when she has reached our age nothing will mean more to her than all those letters you wrote her that were full of love.

  Bryan, you've got a lot of support here. Many of us have been through something similar. Just know there are people here who care for you, not because your butt is in a seat listening to a mind numbing talk at a Kingdom Hall, but because you are your own person and therefore unique. Hang in there my friend.

  Chris
• 

  codeblue

  I am so sorry!!!

  I haven't really disclosed my "real feelings or findings about the truth(tm)"...basically because I am scared I will receive a letter like you just have.........It would break my heart just as this letter has broken yours...(((I am so sorry)))...

  I have read all of the other responses to your thread, and they have covered a most important point: She as a JW have been trained to feel that way.........She THINKS she is doing what Jehovah wants....It does sound like a canned letter for those reasons...That's part of the "mind control"....I even use to think that way....(shaking my head as to how I "use to feel")

  Time will reveal much......I highly endorse writing to her regularly, giving her and showing her "unconditional love"(even IF she doesn't respond)....Maybe when she her "rose colored glasses" begin to fade, due to her own adult experiences or findings....she will contact you. She will always remember that you love her for "her"...

  Many hugs for you today....

  Codeblue
• 

  Nosferatu

  Bryan, sorry to read this letter. This is a very cruel letter, but what's even more sad is she doesn't know she's being cruel.

  If there's any suggestion I can make, it's give her the distance "Jehovah" wants her to have between you and her. Let her find her way back to you. She's bringing a lot of torture to her sheltered life by cutting you out. You've brought nothing upon yourself, she's bringing a lot of suffering upon herself. There's nothing you can do but let her learn her life experiences. However, if she comes back, accept her with open arms.

  In the congregation there are problems, but everywhere you go there are problems, everyone is imperfect.

  I hate that line. The congregation has problems just like the world, but the congregation is still better. The world will come and lend a hand when someone's in trouble, no matter what religion they are. JWs will help other JWs, but worldly people are not worthy because, apparently, they're thankless.
• 

  L_A_Big_Dawg

  Bryan,

  I know how you feel. I got a letter very similar from my father when he found out that I was baptized at a Pentecostal Church. It conained the most hateful words I ever saw or heard from my father. Not to mention the condescending tone in the letter.

  All I can say is that you got people here that got your back. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  LABD
• 

  cyber-sista

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bryan))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  I am so sorry. Your daughter's letter was hard to read. Much like an official Borg formletter. This is the JW persona speaking. Somewhere inside there she is human. I wrote a Borg letter to my father just a couple of years ago in regard to his negative feelings about my sister not associating with her Dfd sons. It hurt my father greatly and I wrote him a letter in defense of my sister and the Organization and in total disregard of his feelings. Looking back I can see what a Borg-like letter it was void of human compassion and warmth. Deep down it wasn't how I really felt, but somehow I was moved to write it. I apologized to him a few months ago and things are better between us now. It very much disturbs me to what lengths I went to in defending the Org. And after 20 years of being Borgified I have now separated from the collective mind. Don't give up...there is still hope. Stay strong and healthy and let your daughter know that you will always be there for her no matter what. She may need to cry on your shoulder one day. I am so glad to have the support of my Dad right now.
• 

  New Castles

  I am so sorry. As I read the letter i cant believe it....I can never imagine the pain you feel right now. I hope things do get better in a sense and that she does not sever her relationship with you forever....

  Good luck, and take care
• 

  franklin J

  Bryan,

  As a father I know how you feel. A letter like this from my daughter would literally break my heart; confidence ; resolve and determination.

  But it was crystal clear in her wording and general point of the letter that she has the full Watchtower perspective. You know that she is passionate and dedicated to a fundamentalist religion---not a drug addict or worse. Things could always be worse than being a pioneer ( been there myself).

  The bottom line is that she IS STILL your daughter and always will be. She will out grow this belief someday; just as you did.

  And you will be there; always Dad; patiently waiting.

  hang in there , Bryan,

  ( dont you just hate these people for doing this to us?)

  Frank

  ps. go out and have a drink; do something fun and exciting for yourself.
• 

  Bryan

  Thank you everyone for your loving support.

  Time I believe is the key. The first time I left I was in my mid twenties, then about 30 the last time.

  The suggestion of the loving letter I'm sure is right on. Some of the things she said seemed so outragious, like, "You brought this upon yourself". I want to right a letter in defence, though I know it probably would just close the small crack left in the door.

  cyber-sista- My wife felt the same way about it being some sort of form letter, though quite a bit of it was very specific.

  The thing is, I know just how she feels. At her age I was one devoted witness not far from being a servent. Being where I am now I know she is doing only what has been indoctrinated in her mind. I feel like such an idiot knowing I helped raise her in the soul sucking cult. I feel like I brought it upon myself.

  Ohiocowboy- You're right about the whole negative thing of the letter. What about all those times we went on vacation to Canada, New York, Paris... The times I was there for her to talk and I always told her I would never judge her... no matter what she does. And again, her signing "Respectfully", just blows me away. No matter what we are doing, we always say, "I love you". Even at the end of little phone conversations.

  Hopefully one day she will wake up and look out the bars of her confinement and realize her bondage.

  My loving wife is so mad! She wants to write a letter, telling her how she has hurt me. Not ever being a witness, she doesn't understand. I told her it would do absolutley nothing to write a letter like that.

  Thanks everyone for your support,

  Bryan
• 

  talesin

  Bryan! I'm so sorry.

  Encourage your wife to write the letter, but not mail it. Just writing it out will feel good and release a lot of anger.

  Your daughter will return to you. As desib and six said, it will happen. No daughter will reject her dad when he has been and is there for her. She is just repeating the words of her brainwashing mentors right now. You did the best you knew how, so don't live in guilt!

  Be happy and ready when she turns to you. It will happen.
• 

  Bryan

  Talesin,

  I tend to agree. Some people are P.M.ing me and there is a general thought through all this that I suspected would happen before I received the letter. I knew once she started pioneering, the elders would councel her on associating with me. She should set the example for the R&F.

  Also, her mother calls herself a bitch, and has grieved me for years. When I lived in Jersey, our daughter was 4 to 6 years old, her mother taught her to call me "Uncle Bryan". She even bragged about it to me over the phone. She said, "You live so far away, it's like you're just a visiting relative anyway". When my daughter was eight, my ex tried to get me to turn my back my our daughter. She said I'd never have to pay child support again. Needless to say, I paid my child support.

  She is surrounded by about 20 family members (several servants and elders) who are witnesses. I know she is under a lot of pressure.

  Perhaps she is giving to the pressure against what she really feels in her heart.

  Bryan