A difficult yet necessary decision

by Brother Jeramy 59 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  tim3l0rd

  Being DF'd and the hoops I had to jump through to be reinstated is one of the things that always stuck in the back of my mind and probably led to many more doubts. There were brothers who were not elders (I think they were MS's) who were so much more compassionate to me than the elders were. When I was helping my parents with their house and these brothers were there helping as well, they actually treated me like a person and took the opportunity to express encouragement for my continuing to come to meetings. In contrast, the elders who df'd me (I moved back in with my parents and to my home congregation after being df'd) wouldn't even consider first request as they felt that my returning home was like running away and not facing up to my punishment. I was reinstated on the 2nd attempt, although I think the BOE at my home congregation did some strong lobbying.

  I once heard someone say that a person who is df'd never returns to the spirituality they had before. I now understand that. I could not return to my prior level of spirituality because I couldn't reconcile how this arrangement was loving and ok. Prior to being df'd, I viewed disfellowshipping as most JWs do- a loving arrangement, a protection for the congregation and a way to shock the sinner to repentance. After experiencing it for myself, it was so harsh and cruel that it stuck with me that disfellowshipping is not a loving arrangement. I vowed that if I was ever an elder and part of a JC I would never agree to df someone.

  I still couldn't question my beliefs because of my emotional attachment to family and friends, but had this not happened I may have never woke up.
  
  
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  Finkelstein

  He felt deceived.

  And he in fact WAS deceived.

  Playing the devils advocate here ...

  Elders are under their own guiding rules to who should be reinstated and most times that I've hear is that its at least 6 months for a DFed person to pass of regular observing attendance. ?????
  

  
  
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  tim3l0rd

  BTW, it's this same policy along with some other destructive policies (higher ed, child abuse) that will eventually lead to me no longer attending as well. I'm going for now to keep up appearances and to allow me to introduce my wife to the darker side of WT. I know if I quit cold turkey that she'll no longer view me as her spiritual head and I'll lose an important advantage. If it becomes clear that I've hit an impasse, I will fade on my own.

  DA for me is not the answer as I'd forever lose any ability to inject doubt to family/friends. I don't want to play by their rules and give all my friends/family an out for not associating with me.
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  Gulf Coaster

  Yes, there seems to be a recurring theme of cruelty and hatefulness in the JW cult.

  First you have the hateful practice of shunning hanging over your head, which is bad enough and probably scares off a lot of people from leaving.

  Then to twist the knife even more, they let you know that if you come back, you'll have to suffer even more. They'll want you to "crawl back" as if you were some horrible, disgusting person, and to suffer humiliation over a long period of time. How long? You won't know, there's no set time, which is stressful but that's okay as they want this to be as stressful an experience as possible. To warn others off. During this time, you are treated with suspicion and derision. Pure emotional blackmail. What a vile and disgusting cult.

  It's been a long time since I was in but I do remember one young brother who came back. No memories of when or why he was disfellowshipped. Only thing I remember is him sitting in the back, against the wall, in a chair place several feet behind the last row. And I remember his slumped posture and look of pure misery on his face. He looked like an abused dog. It really resonated with me. And frightened me. As it was meant to. Thankfully it wasn't enough to scare me off of escaping from that cult.

  It's good that Brother Jeramy's friend had his eyes opened as to the real face of that cult. Hope he stays well away. Forever.
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  tim3l0rd

  Chapter 11 par 3 of the Flock book states:

  3. The committee should be careful to allow sufficient time, perhaps many months, a year, or even longer, for the disfellowshipped person to prove that his profession of repentance is genuine.

  It doesn't specifically say 6 months, but it's obviously implied that 6 months would be a minimum. In the last decade, I've not seen anyone reinstated in anything less than a year.

  During the time I was df'd, I did research about the time between writing of 1 Cor and 2 Cor and I had hoped that since the letters were written in the same year and that my sin couldn't be any worse than the one mentioned in 1 Cor 5 that I would be reinstated in less than a year.

  Nope, didn't happen.
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  Heaven

  Watchtower... they shoot their wounded.
  
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  Island Man

  Londo111: Please reconsider DAing...this is playing by thier rules. Fading is the best option

  I disagree. I understand the point about not DAing so as not to give legitimacy to their corrupt system. Also, if one has family still in and doesn't want to lose social contact with them, fading is good. However if one is not worried about being shunned, I think that in some circumstances there is more to be gained from DAing than just fading, and I think this is one of those circumstances.

  If Jeramy was to just fade, the elders won't know that their following Watchtower's callous policies is stumbling people away from the Truth. They may just put it down to Jeramy growing spiritually weak and falling away. But think of the powerful unwitness it would give and think of the seeds that would be planted in the hearts of the elders and any others that Jeramy speaks to if he writes a powerful DA letter giving this example of shocking, unscriptural callousness as opening his eyes to the fact that the organization in cold, pharisaic, slow to forgive unlike the father in the illustration of the prodigal son. Think of the strong impact it would have on the consciences of the elders and the potential to wake some up!

  Fade? No, no, no. This experience is an unwitnessing gold mine! JWs love to point to their fake love as evidence that they are Jesus' true followers. This experience shatters that lie and gives a justifiable reason for DAing that is virtually unassailable! Do not waste it by fading. Do not waste such a wonderful opportunity to get the body of elders to examine themselves and the organization!
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  Oubliette

  Brother Jeramy, good for you!

  
  

  The way the WTBTS, and by extension, elders and all of the R&F JWs, has nothing to do with the parable of the Prodigal Son.

  
  

  My own disfellowshipping and subsequent reinstatement absolutely convinced me of that.

  
  

  God ain't got nothin to do with this religion.

  
  

  Let's review: It's a cult!
  
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  umbertoecho

  An acquaintance of mine was re instated within months. Her father is an elder. I always wondered about that. She has been reproved time after time since then.
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  paradisebeauty

  The truth is, they (WT) do not have the truth!. They are spiritually blind and this is reflected in their behavior!

  For years I believed they have the truth, but somehow God helped me find this book that opened my eyes: The Christian's Hope: The Anchor of the Soul. There is a free audio online if you want to check it out.