Hugs and love to you all.
People can be so insensitive.
What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving?
by 3rdgen 78 Replies latest jw friends
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fokyc
'3rdgen'
Tha t re mark was just one of the many things which convinced me that the WTBTS has nothing special about it except a book and magazine publishing company. The extraordinary level of lying was probably the final straw!
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watersprout
After I had a miscarriage I was told ''Oh never mind, you can have another one''... ''Well you didn't know you were pregnant so it's not like you were attached to it''... I didn't know I was pregnant as I was on the pill but it failed... On the day it happened I was in terrible pain and started to bleed very heavily... I ran to the toilet as my stomach was contracting and I had passed the sac completely. I could see my tiny little kidney bean shaped baby inside it. Yeah those dubbies are insensitive bastards!
Oh and a few weeks after it happened one interfering wannabe elders wife said to me ''How on earth did YOU get pregnant''... I was shocked to say the least!
Hugs to all those who have felt the pain of grief.
Peace
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Little Imp
I feel so saddened by all the tales told above and my thoughts are very much with you.
I have had a situation though not as bad as those above but nevertheless it was upsetting.
My brother died on 7 March this year and we were due to attend my brother-in-law's wedding on 20 March. When we heard the sad news of my brother's death my husband phoned his brother to say that we were not certain we would be able to attend his wedding as it was in Sheffield, we live in West Wales and the funeral would be held down South.
As my brother lived in France it took so long for all the formalities to bring him back to England that the funeral wasn't until 23 March.
We were therefore able to go to the wedding though it was quite upsetting to see families together whilst I was still very much grieving. I have always found when I have lost someone close that the time between the death and the funeral to be the worst. Somehow after the funeral I begin to heal though, of course, I still have bad days.
I was a bit shocked that when my brother and sister-in-law saw me looking tearful they just said "oh weddings are always emotional". They didn't say anything like I would have said "we appreciate you making the effort to come" or something along those lines. They didn't even send a condolence card.
Conversely a few people on this site who got to know my sad news sent me the most loving and caring messages I could ever have wished for. It meant so much and these are from people whom I have never met. (I have since met up with Cantleave and Nugget and Nugget was one who sent me a really lovely message)
Again, I am sorry for those who have had even sadder stories to tell, losing someone is never easy.
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BizzyBee
My heart goes out to all who have experienced this 'secondary loss' - the loss of one's faith in ordinary human compassion at a time when it is most needed. It adds such a burden when one is struggling just to put one foot in front of the other. It feels like betrayal to have your grief minimized - betrayal is defined as 'violation of a presumptive contract.' You presume a certain level of sensitivity in those closest to you, but until it is put to the test by tragedy it is just that - a presumption.
I lost my 24 year old son nearly 6 years ago. The things said and done I can't begin to recount, but it seems that, because people are at a loss for what to say, they are uncomfortable. And their discomfort begins to make them angry. They are conflicted because they can't very well show anger towards a grieving mother, though some do. Many just drift away and thus avoid dealing with it altogether.
Strangely, it can be those closest to you who cannot find it within themselves to sit with your grief and all its manifestations. Fortunately, there are others you might have least expected to be there for you, who come through.
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NewChapter
These stories are so sad. I can't imagine some of the loss, and you are all so strong to talk about it. Some people are arrogant enough to set the terms of another's grief. Losing loved ones through miscarrigae, accident, illness, whatever, you have a right to your grief for as long as you experience it, and to whatever degree.
Days after my mother died, my husband told me I wasn't greiving and that I never loved my mother. He didn't understand my very personal process, and also took the opportunity to try to destroy me while I was weak. He refused to let me grieve. Everytime I tried to find some quiet time to cry or think, he would storm in and start listing all the things he found wrong about me, and then he would list every argument my mother and I ever had and all of the things he found wrong about her. I felt like I was going crazy, as I could never take the time to experience my loss. It turned out that is exactly what he was hoping, that he could drive me crazy. He left within weeks of her death. It took me years to recover, not from my mother's death (which I still grieve, she was only 45) but to recover from his treatment of me.
NC
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Band on the Run
What hurt me when my mom died was that friends knew that b/c of circumstances my mom and I were unusually close. Several of them could not say "I'm sorry," not even one time. It was though my mom was a discarded daily newspaper.
I was not grieving but in agonizing facial pain. The suicide rate is greater than 95%. Everything I ever worked so hard for was crumbling down. A cousin, who could never telephone me or visit, rushed to my NY apartment. People at the law firm for which I worked, saw me trying to work with my pain. Several cried for me. I was no longer myself. Only pain existed. Her husband and she arrive the same weekend my mom is moving in to be a caretaker. She shreeked at me, so you could hear her a block away, that I had to live as though I had no pain or kill myself immediately. They could not help with a single h/hold task. I could not respond. She was evil. When I attended church she made fun of me. Guess who became a born-again Christian within a few months? If I had responded, I think I would have beat her up. It was the worst incident of a long incident.
She never apologized or acknowledged my hurt. Next, she sent me right-wing Christian pamphlets.
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NewChapter
Band, I'm having a hard time following your post, which makes me think I cannot comprehend this pain and that it still affects you deeply. I can't even grasp the wickedness.
A friend of mine lost her son in a horrific, horrific tragedy. A friend in common told her that at least he died now and not in Armegeddon. He had never taken to the "truth" and this way he had a chance at resurrection. I was stunned.
NC
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ziddina
I am so sorry to hear of the pain that others have put all of you through, when you were already grieving...
I've never been good with words, myself, and tend to blurt out the wrong thing, too... So when I'm trying to console a grieving person, I usually just hug them and say something like, "Poor, poor kitten...", over and over again...
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charlie brown jr.
Thanx for sharing these......
Deeply Disturbing Experiences......
Sad to say.... I am not shocked at all!
The things we ALL have heard from our Loving Brothers and Sisters.... Is amazing!