by SixofNine 71 Replies latest jw friends
I am not a hamsexual!
I ran my hand back and forth under the pigpen fence looking for a piece of paper, and I normally have a wide stance when sitting. That does not mean I was propositioning the swine. Those pigs entrapped me, I should have never pleaded guilty! I want to change my plea!
JK
lol! Shouldn't that have been "I only wanted to change my pee"?
mmmmmmm, bacon! I'm going to go make some breakfast.
I love this post! It is very funny. I would say you must choose to be hambisexual or not. One would not be born to love it. It would have been introduced to you as a child and you would either like it or not. We are no longer under the old law so you may it if you so like it.
There are certain receptors in the brain that become aroused when bacon and other pork meats are cooked. This arose when our Hamo Erectus ancestors (who were very, very hamsexual, obviously) discovered fire and developed a taste for roast swine flesh. Ever since, people have desired to pork other hamsexuals, and mate those who succeed in bringing home the bacon. So yes, we are obviously born hamsexual.
Even before Hamo Erectus was Homo Hambilis, the hammy man.
I believe I was born with the tendency to be hamsexual. My mother inadvertently contributed to my hamsexuality
by enticing me early on with her overprotective need to "put some meat on my bones" with hot sizzling bacon in
the morning. But, actually, I blame JWs for my full blown hamsexuality. I recall it well: weiner roasts with the "friends"
at Brother Likestocook's. He would sashay around the campfire holding a pork sausage or weiner (not the beef kind)
precariously balanced on the end of a sharp stick letting it slowly cook over the open fire while I hungrily watched it begin
to drip with that special greasiness that only a really good brand of bun size pork weiner can accomplish. Just when I
thought the thing would explode, he would grin at me and ask me to open my bun and he slowly slid the weiner off the
stick into the warm softness of my bread. Yep! that was when I realized pork was the only way to go!
Pickle Surprise?
Some people also say that hamsexuals are pigaphile predators. Well, this is just stupid. It may seem reasonable because how can you eat pork and not be a predator? DUH! But excuse me, hamsexuals are NOT pigaphiles. Sure, they may say they LOVE the savory taste of honey ham or the smoky flavor of think-cut bacon, but you can't love the creature you want to kill and eat! Vegans are the true pigaphiles. Look at this adorable pig:
Awww, isn't that cute? Go ahead and kiss your fellow porcine brothers, just don't eat them. Don't be a hamsexual.
Mmmmmm .... ham.
Ham is the meat of champions ..... nothing makes a better sausage.
