For me, it was the systematic mental and emotional cruelty that I received at the hands of the JWs when I was already in a precarious and vulnerable state of mental health that drove me to think that the only way to stop the pain would be to commit suicide.
The shaming never stops. You can never do enough! And I know what you mean when you 'fall sick' and nobody gives a damn.
One thing sticks out in my mind. When we were all out in service, one sister was suffering from 'depression', and wasn't going to meetings. We called on her door one day to check on her, and there was no response. One sister bought some flowers for her, but alas, no answer. (I wonder why? her car was there!)
On the way back to the car, I asked her what was wrong with her, and her reply was "Oh, she's just feeling sorry for herself." I will never forget that. It was a warning to me to never trust this group of people, no matter what happens.
Years later, when I finally did get help for my depression, well, I saw the 'love' and the stupid practices. The same stupid people, the same gossip, all of which I was a part of, and take responsibility for now.
When I went to my last meeting, after missing about 1 months worth of meetings, an old geezer comes up to me while I was walking in, and says to me while passing, "well, if it isn't the part-timer!".
The love in congregations is so dependant on how well you do spiritually. You can be the 'shining star' of the congregation one minute (at that very hall, I was the shining star and 'up and coming MS... passing out magazines, running the stupid CD player for the songs), then the congregational demon after missing 1 month of meetings, and not one question why, and your usual friends just ignore you. I knew before then about they're conditional love, and was not at all suprised by it. That's when I knew it could not be 'the truth'. And no, it was not just one congregation. It was all of them!
I joined the witnesses to cure my depression. It didn't. As Scully already mentioned, the constant shaming at meetings, constant calling into question motives such as missing personal study, and insinuations that you are never doing enough, despite auxillary pioneering, preparing for 5 meetings a week, helping out whenever I could, was never enough.
Oddly enough, it was a medical doctor who I seeked help from. I told him that some friends of mine had noticed that I was seeming depressed. The only ones who noticed were my family; not the witnesses. In fact, I was told constantly to just do more, do more, do more when I was depressed.
Turns out depression runs in my family. The doctor gave me some meds, and I was 100 percent better. It took some months to really think about all that I had learnt from these idiots, and that is when I decided that something was amiss. I left them for a month, went back, and never went to that congregation again. Moved to another town, went twice; once for the memorial, once when I first got there.
I haven't been back since.
So, why do witnesses seek suicide? Because nobody cares when you're sick. Nobody notices it, and if you dare go get help, you are told to 'do more, do more, do more' by the elders with no mental health training whatsoever. (usually window cleaners). The constant congregational bickering, shaming into thinking that everything is your fault, and absolute shunning if you don't keep up to congregational standards (such as your 10 hour fs per month, only assosiating with other witnesses, assosiating 1/2 hour before and after the meetings, being joyful all the time, commenting at least once every meeting despite a nervous condition, joining the ministry school, getting a 4 door car, not working too much, pioneering, reaching out and talking with people that can't stand you at meetings, wearing black polished shoes, wearing a suit that is 'modest' and completely tacky, being single and absolutley never thinking of mastrubating, never thinking of sex, not drinking too much, not drinking every day, not being negative despite being pushed down by 'loving' counsel, wearing black socks, having your hair 'modest' at all times, not going to witness 'parties', telling on people (which I still feel guilt to this day!), not finding meetings boring as that would be 'unchristian and showing disrespect for the faithful and discreet slave class', always smiling, always happy, always joyful, going to congregation get-togethers with people who gossip non-stop about everyone and smile while they chat to you like nothing is wrong, learning to forgive one another as christ forgave you,
and if you can't do all of the above, IT'S YOUR FAULT, END OF DISCUSSION.
They are among the most ridiculous rule-makers I have ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life. I recall that the Pharisees put silly rules on people in Jesus day. Then they hypocritically say that they don't place rules on they're members.
They are lying.
