" I too would have regretted not saying anything at the time."
The decision to play the role of a "good boy" has haunted me a looong time. Getting past it slowly, I hope LOL
confusedandalone
JoinedPosts by confusedandalone
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49
A story about Reggie and Reginald... and why it makes me cringe... more vomiting
by confusedandalone inso i grew up in new jersey in a very urban part of the state.
i literally only saw white folks if they were in a police car or if i went to the assembly.
the funny thing is at the assembly there was still a level of segregation as well although it was self-imposed.
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
" The guilt you are straddled with outweighs Everything."
I remember sitting in her living room explaining with snot bubbles in my nose that I can't keep this up. I have to say something I am going crazy. I honestly at that point thought I was going to die from the stress of it. We had talked about coming forward before but it always resulted in us continuiong instead.
It wasn't until now in my life that I have learned that just because I feel a certain way about something, that I can't change my thinking or atleast try to see it through someone elses eyes.
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confusedandalone
i was as well :(
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
wisdomfrombelow - "I guess I'm the only one who looks at your story and sees you as the villian... Now I'll get off my high horse because I have no right to judge anyone. I just commented that I can see her point of view and how you really screwed her even if you didn't screw her."
I can truly respect your opinion... I can. I am not trying to be a shithead or anything but I like to hear it from another perspective. Maybe it will help me continue to grow seeing things from various angle. The reason I felt that day I had to come forward was because I felt an enormous amount of guilt for what was going on. I told her I was going to come forward because I felt I just had too in order to remain sane. Maybe I could have said I should wait till she was ready... never thought about it. I am going to though. I never told my elder brother though because he was a complete asshole. He spent his entire life trying to pull me down so I would never confide anything in him because he was not really family to me.
I do thank you though for your outlook on it
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49
A story about Reggie and Reginald... and why it makes me cringe... more vomiting
by confusedandalone inso i grew up in new jersey in a very urban part of the state.
i literally only saw white folks if they were in a police car or if i went to the assembly.
the funny thing is at the assembly there was still a level of segregation as well although it was self-imposed.
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confusedandalone
So I grew up in New Jersey in a very URBAN part of the state. I literally only saw white folks if they were in a police car or if I went to the assembly. The funny thing is at the assembly there was still a level of segregation as well although it was self-imposed. It is to be expected since we didn't mingle much. Anywho its about 2 weeks before our circuit assembly and my dad and a few other brothers recieved a call from the brothers in the upscale area of New Jersey. We were in the same circuit and they were going to go over details about our cleaning assignment, who was takling the lead etc...(This area of New Jersey was literally 95% caucasian and they had huge amounts of money)
This call was very scary to some of the brothers in our circuit. The reason why is because as most of the older black brothers who were elders would say, "Those white brothers don't play... You have to be on your P's and Q's". This type of expression was common when dealing with the "white brothers". We were also reminded of the following:
1. If giving a talk in those areas do not wear the flashy suits / don't get very animated with your delivery
2. If you go to a party out there don't take any of the rap music and don't mess with those girls!
Pathetic???? Yes, but it was what it was.
So obviously we all were on our best behavior when we went to thier lovely hall. Me and my father were the first to arrive. When we got there we were greeted by a group of young brothers, about 4 of them. One opened the door for us and before we got in one of them put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey REGGIE, hows it going?" He had a huge welcoming smile on his face! Not wanting to seem rude and correct him outright I simply said, "I'm fine! My name is CAA, what is yours?" He responded with my name is Tom(for the sake of this story) good to see you REGGIE. Hmm, he must not have heard me or this guy named REGGIE made a huge impression.
We sit down and a few brothers in their late 20's to 50's were inside. We said hi and exchanged greetings with them all. About10 -12 brothers from our area came and the hall was really electric... we were all excited. I noticedhowever that they continued to call brothers they just met either "REGINALD or REGGIE". Wow this must have been one awesome guy. One guy even told my friend who was much lighter than I was, " I am sorry - you look just like my friend REGGIE!!!" The young guys laughed and no one thought much about it.
The meeting was going as usual and then a younger brother (mid twenties) who was going to be "taking the lead" in one aspect of the cleaning asked some form of question for someone to assist with something or other and a brother from our hall volunteered by raising his hand. The brother conducted this aspect said, "So brother REGGIE JACKSON will be on such and such and so and so, who would like to..." That is when the Brother who had volunteered said , "My name is (whatever it was)... the young white brother says, "O I am sorry, its just so many new faces here and you all look alike I am getting confused"... Of course, Black folks get upset when we hear that because well, we all know why. We just kind of all sat there and figured he meant nothing by it. Its just they keep saying the same name over and over REGGIE or REGINALD.
After the meeting was concluded, we sat in the room awhile talking etc... one older brother in his 40's I am guessing came over and said so is this the REGGIE I have heard sooo much about to one of the brothers from our hall who had recently been accepted to Bethel. The black brother looked at him and said, "I am not sure what you heard about me but my name is such-and-such, nice ot meet you." Everyone chuckled and we kept talking.
We get ready to leave and we go outside and we recognize a guy who came down to play basketball with us a few times. He was a nice guy and invited us to a party in thier area once that we got in trouble for because someone brought some rap and they asked us to leave.(The reason for point number 2 above) He came over to me and 3 other guys and said sorry they are being so stupid about this. We inquired what "this" whole REGGIE and REGINALD JACKSON thing was about? Who was this guy? He told us that it was an inside joke that they use to refer to FLASHY BLACK GUYS. Well REGGIE JACKSON was Mr. October so was it that simple? No... it was their covert way of saying NIGGER without saying it he said.
So of course, one of the guys with us was livid. Yet, no one said anything to them. So we got home and he told his elder dad who also was angry. He called the C.O. and told him that this was unacceptable in Jehovahs Organization. Well this C.O. (who when he came to our congregation never went out in service and always had an excuse- also in the other urban halls) told his father that they need to let it go. That these young brothers although they were in the wrong PROBABLY MEANT NO HARM. So this guys father met with us and told us that when we get to the circuit assembly to handle our assignments and JUST LET IT GO. Well, like the good little boys we were - we worked with these brothers and made no mention of it. They even tried the same antics again and my buddy literally just left his assignment because he couldn't take it anymore. Not long after the C.O. came to our hall for his visit and thanked us for not making a big deal out of the situation. We all felt like we had really done something wonderful and helped advance pure worship!!!
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This is yet another moment that I wish I would have had the balls to stand up for myself. I was very young at the time... in my teens, so I felt limited. However, as I got older in the circuit I would see these same guys and work with them at assemblies and I never spoke up about it. I hated myself for it... I still do. It kind of paved the way for this type of treatment to continue because even at Bethel it happened on a much larger scale and I never spoke up about it then. Once entering the professional world I never allowed it to happen again. I would speak out if a comment made me uncomfortable. I would set things straight. I do however still wish I could have stood up for myself back then.
Thank You for allowing me to share
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
problemaddict - He has been trying to be a substitute CO forever. He has a child... He was a bethelite missionary and then boom his wife pregnant so now he is back home. He is on RBC/HLC/ and every district copnvention and in charge of cleaning at Districts... doing too much for nothing. I look forward to your stories as well.
KiddingMe - If it wasn't for her you both may not be together and have your wonderful children. Everyday I am grateful. That woman did open my mind up to a number of issues with this org. I do hope that now she is beyond this.
jgnat - My brother is EXAAAAAAAAAAAAACTLY the same. His young daughter of 9 is supposed to be baptized next assembly. All the while she spends her time talking about the cute boys in school to my daughter... we know where that train is going to stop lol.
Finkelstein - " including myself unexpectedly one evening with a little help of alcohol." ROFL I love when people tell on themselves lol
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
" Around here we call that "house poor". "
If you saw this guy you would be amazed. He makes about 27-30k a year in New Jersey of all places. He dresses in the finest of suits while his wife runs around in the clothes of a 70 year old woman. He doesn't like her to wear makeup and dress in anyway that makes her look appealing. His daughter he treats like a princess. He buys the fanciest of phones and gadgets and appears to be well off. He just bought a FIAT and swears up and down it is some special model from italy blah blahh blah...
However he lives in the attic apartment of another elders home. The front door has a 4 inch gap that a full grown cat could crawl under... the kitchen is literally not a kitchen just kind of a room with a stove. They had some form of issue with the owner so now they don't get heat regularly. When my parents went to stay with them my mother slept in a light jacket. They sent their daughter down to the landlord to ask him to turn it up. I could go one but the story would ge tso intense that you may die of laughter
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
"He will trip over himself, at some point. - valkyrie" O yes and when it happens I think he may not be able to contain what comes next. I think I will have to give you guys a list of the fugged up stuff this guy has done but it would take too long.
"maybe its just the power that he's so allured to and willing to dismiss the lies and corruption which creates this power ???" <----- This statement is 100% correct. He gets off on telling people what to do. You are really making me want to open thjat box LOL
" Like being the sole approved son left to support his ageing parents. Too, too bad." - To ensure that he leads a good life he offered to buy a house with them in which they would go 50/50 on the mortgage. Only he came to find out that he could not afford his 50%. He is now stuck in a dead end job, since he quit working for me making about 16 dollars an hour with a wife and kids in one of the most expensive states in the U.S.
He is struggling but he refuses to let it be seen
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79
Why are there no black angels?
by snare&racket injw literature is racist as hell.
jesus looks like an american folk singer, the governing body look like a corrupt version of an enron luncheon.. the jw's literally print different magazines for africa with african pictures, black people instead of white, to make it 'more appealing' to them.... just to be clear that means they think the opposite is true too!.
....and then there is the lack of black angels..... .
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confusedandalone
Dont forget when they show black people they are generally slaves... like little baby moses in the bible story book
so atleast thgey pput some n then
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53
Experiences: CAA needs to emotionally vomit... catharsis... release ... etc.
by confusedandalone inok, so i have been on this journey for about a year or so.
i feel like i am no longer a part of this whacked out religion, however at the same time after spending so many years in it there have been a huge array of things that have happened to me that i feel i need to talk about.
not because they will help anyone who reads them, not because they are the slightest bit interesting, but because i can no longer keep them bottled up and expect to move on.. alot of things i have experienced hurt me deeply... although i was able to move forward with my life these things tend to hang around in my mind because i have never been able to tell anyone outside of my wife.
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confusedandalone
" He sounds so full of venom and vindictiveness,"
The thing is he was the middle child and was overlooked early on until his early teens when they found out he was "gifted"... You know that whole bogus thinng with extra clases etc... well my mother mad e a huge stink out of that and compared everyone to him. He could not allow anything positive for anyone else because it removes the spotlight from hi.
If I told you some of the stories about this guy...