Sorry to say this Joliette ,but you need professional help that can`t be had here .If you think as you imply that you will get support from people who will watch your back and help you,you are delusional .simply stated
You never got baptized, you were never a Jehovah`s Witness, and by your own words never will be ,so why do you think they will be there for you if you go back as a non believer ?
Not meaning at all to be mean joliette ,but you need to see a therapist who understands cults and how to deal with life without them.
I wish you all the best for the rest of your life .
Take care.
Looking back on some of your posts my friend I think you enjoy being in the situation you have made for yourself , but if you go back and get baptised pulling the wool over JW`s eyes for a time, the day will come when you will be disfellowshipped and you are going to be in a far worse position than you are now .
If you can`t cope now you certainly won`t be able to cope then.
And nobody here will be able to help you.