Happy Birthday!
We share the same day of birth!
Xandria
ok, so i turn 29 today.
i get a call from my mom.
i assume it is her non happy birthday call.
Happy Birthday!
We share the same day of birth!
Xandria
i was just wondering because i haven't been able to locate any ex-jws in my area.
the closest groups are a hundred or two miles away.
i'm close to myrtle beach, sc.
There are a few... actually. I know 3 (4 if you include me). I live in Charlotte and they live in Rock Hill.
X.
I said to my husband.. yep when they are in wheel chairs and walkers.. "Stttart me up" and they will need really to be started up. I agree it was boring, bland, and cardboard like. Give me a boobie any day! At least it has some spice to it.
X.
we went to our favorite beach, met up with some of our local friends.
we don't have much in the way of details - but heard some devasting news that ari (well known to seattle area exjw's and i am sure by many on the board) killed himself sometime over last weekend.
he was so excited about moving to maui, and starting a new life here.
I am shocked and extremely saddened...
X.
Ask Josphine Baker....
X.
Figs are sexual... in the 1900's it was shocking to watch someone eat a fig.. um because it represented a sexual act on a woman.
The manner in which the fig was eaten was the key. They would cut the fig in a X manner and the spreading open of the fruit was the problem, after that there is no delicate way to eat the fruit. Figs are one of the oldest cultivated fruits in the world--and also one of the oldest symbols for women's sexuality...because of their shape, texture, and seeds...because of their association with the fig leaves in the Garden of Eden.
The fig began life in Asia Minor--between Eastern Turkey and North India--and has spread to most parts of the world congenial to its growth. Its remains have been found in Neolithic excavations. On ancient Egyptian papyrus dating back to 1567-1085 BCE, it speaks itself about its origins:
"Hear the voice of the figtree:
'Compliments to my lady.
Who more noble than I?
Why not I your servant, if you have none?
They brought me from Syria
As plunder for the beloved.'"
Greeks claimed that the Goddess Demeter gave it to them--and their athletes wore them as medals in sports contests.. Buddha gained enlightenment under a wild fig tree (though another species--the Ficus religiosa "bo" tree).
TRYGAEUS (singing): You shall have a fine house, no cares and the finest of figs. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! LEADER OF THE CHORUS (singing): The bridegroom's fig is great and thick; the bride's very soft and tender.
--Aristophanes, in Peace
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.--Song of Solomon 2: 13.
Figs are one of the sexiest foods you can find on the market. For centuries, figs have been symbols of feminine sexuality, and it's not hard to see why: their delicate, curved shape, the softness of their skin and their sweet, tender insides... oh.
http://www.sexandthekitchen.com/cgi-bin/webdata_dinner.pl?cgifunction=form&fid=1037812379
Ah...
X.
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.............................so richie and i are brainstorming a meetup in the western side of nc.. -freedomlover.
jourles - your pics have inspired us!
I had lunch today with Ex-Jw and her little son. I know she and I spoke about a meet up. We are open to one and Charlotte definately would be a good area.
Xandria
i've just got back from the watchnight service, and what a crowd were there.
there must have been easily well over 400 people.
the town hall was packed upstairs and down.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! From Xandria and Family.
my parents are acting loopy.
not toward me, but toward my sister.
she's not doing anything wrong, just experiencing the normal ups and downs and unplanned surprises of marriage.
Assertiveness Training
Being assertive is about standing up for yourself. It's about expressing your thoughts, your feelings and your needs. If we look at behavior on a continuum: assertive behavior sits in between being passive and being aggressive.There are plenty of times in your daily life that assertive skills can come in handy. You'll use these skills at home, at work, with friends, with family and with your significant other. When should you not be assertive? Well, if a police officer is giving you a ticket, I'd advise you to just sit back and take it - don't practice your assertiveness skills in that situation, being passive may be called for. When should you you be aggressive? Well, possibly when you are physically threatened, but usually I think it's better to just get out of there!
You might find that you are pretty assertive in some situations, that there are other times when you are passive, and still others when you are aggressive. This mini lesson will help you to improve in the areas that you are weaker in. Take notice of how you act at work, with your parents, etc. You might note differences. Lots of people have a tendency to act like they are five years old when they are with their parents, or with their siblings, yet are perfectly assertive with coworkers. Take an inventory of your behavior in all your interpersonal relations and then get to work on being more assertive where appropriate.
We can all learn to be assertive. Most of us weren't born with these skills.
Let's look at where some of our passive behavior comes from. You may have learned to be somewhat passive. Maybe you were told to be seen and not heard, or that it's selfish to ask for what you want in life. Perhaps you consider it rude or disrespectful to say "no" to people when they ask you to do something or go somewhere. Maybe you don't know how to set limits. You let people make decisions for you and take advantage of you. Is this what you want to be doing?
Maybe you don’t readily express your opinions, you go along if someone asks you to go somewhere (even if you don't want to) and you most likely end up regretting that you did, but you don't know what else to do. You are definitely not in control of your life.
On the other hand if you use the aggressive style, you are able to speak up for yourself, but at the expense of others' feelings. You blame others, you make them feel guilty, etc. In the end you make others resent you and you end up losing.
An assertive person expresses his or her thoughts, feelings and needs directly, while taking into account the rights and feelings of others. You are able to say "yes" or "no" to the offers of others. You are able to accept rejection of your offers without taking them personally. You state your desires, but don't necessarily get what you want. Being assertive doesn't guarantee that you get what you ask for, but you have the satisfaction of having asked, and having made yourself clear.
Let's talk about some of your basic rights as a person:
•You have a right to say "no".
•You have the right to say "I don't know".
•You have the right to say "I don't care".
•It's ok to put your own feelings, thoughts and needs first. In other words it's not necessarily selfish to think of yourself first.
•You're allowed to make mistakes.
•You're allowed to change your mind. It's not always best to stick with a plan, a relationship, etc. Live and learn.
•Your feelings matter. In your childhood perhaps you were taught that your feelings were wrong, so now you don't trust yourself. Your feelings are telling you something. They were put there to help you. Pay attention to them.
•You're allowed to have your own opinions. You don't have to agree with others, even authority figures.
•You have a right to be alone sometimes.
•It's ok to interrupt others sometimes. You might need a question answered or something.
•It's ok to ask for change (and I don't mean nickels, dimes and quarters).
•It's ok to ask for help or support. You don't have to do it all alone. You're not necessarily bothering other people if you ask for help. It's ok to let others know that you are in pain.
•You don't have to take the advice of others.
•It's ok to want some recognition for your achievements and good work. It's not necessarily showing off.
•You don't have to justify your decisions to others.
•You have the right to make decisions which seem illogical to others.
•You are not responsible for other people's problems. You don't have to take responsibility for them.
•You don't have to read minds. You don't have to be able to know what other people want. They need to tell you.
•You don't always have to respond to other people's questions. Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Being assertive means making yourself and your opinions known. There's no pussyfooting around.
An assertive statement states your opinion on something, your feelings about it and your needs or desires or wants related to it. It does this without putting blame on someone else or making the other person feel like they have to comply or they are a jerk. It's about you and what you think and want.
If you don't know if the criticism is constructive or manipulative, or if you need more info-- Use this one: Ask "What is it about my... that bothers you?" Example: "What is it about my TV watching that bothers you?"
The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.
While you have the right to your opinion, they have a right not to take an insult or deal with a toxic shame comment. Boundaries work both ways.
In order to stop giving the toxic shame so much power, learn to detach from the reactive process enough to start being able to see a boundary between being and behavior. Learn how to observe behavior without making judgments about yourself and others. There is a huge difference between judgment in my definition and observation.
Three primary areas in relationship to learning to have a healthier relationship with self and others: boundaries, emotional honesty, and emotional responsibility. We start to naturally and normally: set boundaries with others; speak our Truth; own our right to be alive and be treated with respect and dignity. Setting personal boundaries is vital part of healthy relationships - which are not possible without communication.
What toxic shame is all about: feeling that something is wrong with our being, that we are somehow defective because we have human drives, human weaknesses, and human imperfections.
There may be behavior in which we have engaged that we feel ashamed of but that does not make us shameful beings We may need to make judgments about whether our behavior is healthy and appropriate but that does not mean that we have to judge our essential self, our being, because of the behavior. Our behavior has been dictated by our disease, by our childhood wounds; it does not mean that we are bad or defective as beings. It means that we are human; it means that we are wounded and we are all learning. How about cutting people some slack.
I would seriously suggest you do go to therapy as well, as read the book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.You have some highly toxic parents, in which you and your sister need to learn to assert yourself. For if you don't respect yourself and your personal boundaries, how are you going to get them too?
i just got a major shock.
i can't believe the new levels of cruelty possible within families who are jws.. a friend on this board who i've known since i was a baby practically has managed to get me a picture of my little sister who i haven't seen for 8 years - the one who i've mentioned my dad said was working on the bethel quick build team.
the one who i've described my fears that she and my younger sister are staying single until armageddon.
Crumpet: I am so sorry you are going through this hurt. It is painful, frustrating and disheartening all at once. All I can say is we care and are here. We hope the best, I know it isn’t the “same” as family that shares a history with you, but at least you can choose which direction life will take you and not be judged.
As for Shunning:
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."--1 Tim.5:8 (NIV)
Paul counseled against abandoning those separated from the congregation: For your part, brothers, do not give up in doing right. But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter, keep this one marked; stop associating with him, that he may become ashamed. And yet do not be considering him as an enemy, but continue admonishing him as a brother.
2Thes.3:13-15 NWT
Just how are you to keep “admonishing” if you don’t even participate in someone’s life? What ever happened to love and encouragement? If the law of Christianity can be summed up in one word, it is "LOVE." Then what is shunning doing in practice?
2 Thessalonians
And I say to the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good
2 Thessalonians 3:13-15 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Brothers, do not grow weary (A) in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take note of that person; don't associate with him, so that he may be ashamed. 15 Yet don't treat him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
Those who have received the gospel are to live according to the gospel. Yes it takes work, to help others and encourage. Christianity is not to countenance slothfulness, which would consume what is meant to encourage the industrious, and to support the sick and afflicted (and encourage the struggling, for if we are imperfect we all struggle.) Industry doesn’t mean robotic sermons and door to door works, it goes beyond that as “Christians”.
Nor does it mean you put on airs or be in judgment, for we all screw up at times. But some religious ritualized people expect to be maintained in idleness, when it comes to helping the afflicted, the struggling because a group of men interpreted the bible and stand in the place of judgment. When it is not their place to be, they indulged a curious and conceited temper, to use it to destroy. They meddled with the concerns of others and do much more harm, which isn’t at all Christ-like. It is a great error and abuse of religion, to make shunning a cloak pride, because there is no good in injury and the disheartening someone. (Talk about stumbling someone) To be idle in the department of kindness, love, and caring, is a true sin. It is an excellent, but rare union, to be active in our own business, yet quiet as to other people's. If any refused to labour with quietness, they were to note him with censure, and to separate from his company, yet they were to seek his good by loving admonitions. The Lords is with you while you are with him. Hold on your way, and hold on to the end.
Tough Love is misused in this practice. Tough Love doesn’t always mean harming someone emotionally, mentally or even physically. Does not love rescue and recover, with gentle encouragement? Would Jesus shun the sheep, that strayed from the flock?
The bible also states, regarding hardening of the heart~
Quote:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart, in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Ephesians 6:4
New American Standard Bible
Compared to NWT: And YOU, fathers, do not be irritating YOUR children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.
If Jehovah wants you to worship him with free will. Why would there be a reason for mental regulation? That is man’s translation.
But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own (virgin) daughter, he will do well. 1 Corinthians (New American Standard Bible)
The matter comes down to free will. Cohersion is not productive to free will I seriously think that God/Jehovah/ The Creator wouldn’t want you to be forced to worship him because someone else wanted you to do so, no in fact that is why it is called a PERSONAL relationship. It is your choice to have one or not. In the end it is suppose to be between him and you any way.