Posts by Xandria

21

Feeling like chopped liver.

by bebu in

jw
friends

my son's best friend's parents attend a really whacky religious group, similar in some respects to the jws.

simply replace armageddon with hell, and there ya go!

i have just shrugged at it; they've been nice enough to me, very friendly.. this evening, their son asked me if he might be able to spend the night and go with my son to the youth group at our church in the morning.

Xandria

No, if Jesus showed up at any time while they behaved in this manner~ he would say go~ for you don't know me!

X.

21

The Wedding Saga...Episode 2

by Krystal in

how cruel can these people be??.

1) my dad informs me this spring that my sister is getting married.. 2) i am of course not informed of the actual date incase i decide to show up.

3) i am sent a wedding invitation after the wedding has taken place along with a little letter from mom and dad.. 4) i get an e-mail from my mom with the link to the website of wedding photos and gushing dub comments.... "what a lovely family" blah blah blah.

Xandria

Krystal:

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this pain. This is intentional and in no way not premeditated.

I would write back and say so:

Mom & Dad,

Your head games are simply just emotional blackmail~ premeditated and even preemptive. You made the choice to shun me on the edict and policies of the Org. It wasn't my choice to have someone try to force religion on me. What ever personal relationship I have or do not have with God is just that personal (as in no one else's business). On one hand, the Org spouts out that God gives us a free will~ to chose to serve him. If it is our choice~ then why do the try to punish those who don't chose to worship the same way they do?

Your actions and the lack of consideration and caring is just so succinct.

Emotional Blackmailer:

http://www.angelfire.com/biz/BPD/blackmail.html

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, Ph.D.

COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Demand--someone wants something
(2) Resistance--the other is does not feel comfortable with the demand
(3) Pressure --used to make the resistant one give in
(4) Threat --to turn up the pressure
(5) Compliance--on the part of the resistant one
(6) Repetition--this pattern reoccurs in at least other situations (just with a different name)

TYPES OF BLACKMAILERS
(1) The Punisher--very direct about their demands, clearly state the consequences
(2) The Self-Punisher--uses threats of self harm to manipulate the resistant one through fear, obligation and guilt
(3) The Sufferer--the martyr who believes they’ve done everything for others and suffered because of it and don’t hesitate to remind them so they will feel sorry for them
(4) The Tantalizer--uses bribery, knowing they have something the other wants

EMOTIONS FELT BY VICTIMS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
They feel insecure, unimportant, unworthy and generally bad about themselves
They doubt their ideas and needs
They feel isolated
They may have consistent physical ailments as a result of the stress
They always feel as if they in a FOG unable to think clearly as a result of being manipulated to feel Fear, Obligation and Guilt

TOOLS USED TO CREATE FOG
Making demands seem reasonable
Making the victim feel selfish
Labeling with negative qualities and connotations
Pathologizing or crazy making
Making a demand that needs an immediate response
Allying themselves with someone of authority or influence i.e. parents, children, mental health professionals, religious leaders etc.
Comparing the victim to a person that the victim does not like or is in competition with
Learning the victim's "triggers"
Assess how much pressure to apply before the victim will give in

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE VICTIMConstantly seeks approval
Does their best to avoid anger and keep peace
Takes the blame for anything that happens to others
Has compassion and empathy
Tends to feel pity or obligation
Believes they need to give in because it is the “right thing to do”
Has self-doubt with no sense of their worth, intelligence or abilities

CHARACTERISTICS OF AN EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILER
Has great fear of abandonment and deprivation or of being hurt
Feels desperate
Needs to be in control of things
Experiences frequent frustration
Has thought distortions regarding the reasonableness of their demands
Has had someone emotionally blackmail them and sees that it works to get them what they want

WHAT IS NECESSARY TO STOP EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
The victim must begin to look at the situation in a new way.
They must detach from their emotions.
They must realize that they are being blackmailed and that it is not appropriate for the blackmailer to be treating them in that manner.
They must make a commitment to themselves that they will take care of themselves and no longer allow this abusive treatment.
They need to see that a demand is being made on them and that it makes them uncomfortable.
They must determine why the demand feels uncomfortable.
They must not give into the pressure for an immediate decision.
They must set boundaries to be able to take time to consider the situation and to look at all of the alternatives to make the decision.
Finally, they must consider their own needs first for a change, in this process.

17

Katrina Survivor List

by stevenyc in

jw
friends

i havn't seen this here yet so i'm posting the address.

http://wx.gulfcoastnews.com/katrina/status.aspx.

steve

Xandria

It is a good feeling knowing they are okay isn't it?

I just don't like the lack of organization that leaves people in limbo with this. There has to be a better way~especially when time is of the essence. But I am happy to know your friends are all right!

X.

13

Sending out an SOS!

by Xandria in

jw
friends

my husband's cousin mac alexander sent him an email regarding missing cousins.

boby johnson of laurel, ms. they are elderly and we have not heard from them.

the phones are out, so is cell towers.

Xandria

Woot!!!

We got news! FINALLY! Thank you Coast Guard! They are safe.

X.

13

Sending out an SOS!

by Xandria in

jw
friends

my husband's cousin mac alexander sent him an email regarding missing cousins.

boby johnson of laurel, ms. they are elderly and we have not heard from them.

the phones are out, so is cell towers.

Xandria

Let's see if the Coast Guard Lt. comes through. I will keep you posted, they are supposed to let us know something ~ sometime in the afternoon.

X.

13

Sending out an SOS!

by Xandria in

jw
friends

my husband's cousin mac alexander sent him an email regarding missing cousins.

boby johnson of laurel, ms. they are elderly and we have not heard from them.

the phones are out, so is cell towers.

Xandria

Thanks!

I have been calling and putting out the word. RED Tape is the worst!

X.

17

Katrina Survivor List

by stevenyc in

jw
friends

i havn't seen this here yet so i'm posting the address.

http://wx.gulfcoastnews.com/katrina/status.aspx.

steve

Xandria

I hear you on that one LS!

We have family in Laurel who are in need and have not heard from. It is very irritating trying to get a response to inquiry or even help. They freaking keep passing you around.

GRRRRR!

X.

13

Sending out an SOS!

by Xandria in

jw
friends

my husband's cousin mac alexander sent him an email regarding missing cousins.

boby johnson of laurel, ms. they are elderly and we have not heard from them.

the phones are out, so is cell towers.

Xandria

My husband's cousin Mac Alexander sent him an email regarding missing cousins.

Boby Johnson of Laurel, MS. They are elderly and we have not heard from them. The phones are out, so is cell towers. They live on Crepe Myrtle Lane.

Quote:
My 3 sisters and a brother in Laurel, MS, and they are locked in by downed trees. No phone, electricity, gasoline (for generators),water, etc. Generators pump tubs full of well water, and mostly run continuously to provide oxygen for my 76 yr old sister who has a respiratory problem requiring oxygen 24/7. I have reported it to FEMA, but do not hold much hope for their help since they spent 4+ days before FEMA could/would respond to New Orleans and MS gulf coast, which are in much worse condition in almost every way.
My brother-in-law is siphoning gasoline from a camper, tractor, truck and car to keep at least one generator for the oxygen running until they can find gasoline. I left Wed past returning to Houston area, and did not find gasoline until I got into TX (~400 miles). I had filled up
the day the eye reached Laurel, MS, but before full force.

We have called FEMA, we the Red Cross and the red tape is choking! Trying to get through to anyone has been a battle! The phones are literally jammed or they pawn you off.

Time is of the essence and any help will be appreciated.
X.

17