Please make sure that you are financially ready, befree. Moving out means more than paying rent. You need household items such as dishes, pots, silverware, towels, etc. You need daily toiletries such as soap, shampoo, t.p., toothpaste. A bed with sheets. Laundry soap.Do you currently have a vehicle that is yours? Do you live someplace you need one? Plan this rationally, not emotionally. You will be fine as long as you are smart about it. You don't want anyone saying you are having a hard time because you left the witnesses. All the best to you!
ruderedhead
JoinedPosts by ruderedhead
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19
Moving out, away and starting a new post JW life
by OneDayillBeFree inrecently at my last meeting, an older brother "in good standing" got disfellowshipped.. sitting only two seats away from him, i saw as he burst into tears as lifelong friends and family began their shunning and immediate gossip in the form of whispers came up from above the brothers and sisters in the kingdom hall.
i felt like giving him a hug and telling him that it was going to be okay and that whatever the reason for his disfellowshipment was, it didnt matter and that god still loved him but before i could muscle up enough courage to do so, he stood up in tears and left.. i shed a few silent tears for him.
i didn't see anyone else do the same.. it was at that moment that i realized without a doubt that living this way is just not worth it at all.. so i've thought about it long and hard and now i just want to move far away and just start new again.
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15
Letter in the door, unbelievable message
by Comatose in"there is obviously a problem.
may we talk?
do you realize that if you say no, you may be rejecting the creators help?
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ruderedhead
That is just so strange I give you a lot of credit for even responding to it.
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74
Got a angry letter from our oldest son today we are very hurt from it.
by TotallyADD inwhen i got home today from work my wife showed me a 5 page letter from our oldest son.
he basically said he does not what anything to do with us because of all the wrong things we did as parents to him and his brother.
he blames us for not being there for him and we are toxic parents.
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ruderedhead
My heart goes out to you, ADD. We do the best we can. You said you shouted at them and were hard on them. Made them do wt things. You didn't beat them mercilessly, spit on them, make them sleep in cages. You said you are sorry multiple times. How many times do you have to say it? You are going to a therapist to become the person HE wants you to become. Is he also going to therapy to work on his anger issues? He needs to. How is your relationship with your other son?
My husbands father was a drunk for some of the time my husband was growing up. He was abusive physically during that time. He didn't really support the family very well, even tho he had a good job, they lived in a bad area with my hubby's invaliid granny in her house.When he got drunk, he would trash the house, and they would all sit outside waiting for him to pass out. When he quit drinking, they stayed in bad areas because he refused to spend his money to live in a decent area. They went to poor schools. He made good money, he was UAW. But anything they wanted they had to earn their own money for it. My husband actually shined shoes as a kid downtown. Father in laws money was his, and he kept in in the bank. My mother in law worked a minimum wage job she had to walk to, and he gave her a couple small utility bills to pay. In his later years,(they had to move in their 60's, cause they could hear gunfire at night, and we all refused to visit them any more) he had a stroke, and all 3 sons took turns going to the house to help take care of him so he didn't have to go into a nursing home. That is called Christian love.
Your son obviously considers himself a Christian. Isn't he supposed to forgive? Isn't that what Jesus instructed us to do? Didn't he die so we could be forgiven? You can't take back the past. You have tried to make amends. He is being a very poor Christian example to any children he may have. What if they decide they don't want to talk to him later on because they feel he should have done things differently? Do you think his wife and/or her family may be fueling this? Her job as a good Christian. wife should be to try and heal things.
It is time for you and your poor dear wife to move forward and live the best lives you can. Perhaps it is time to turn the tables and tell him again you love him and his family, your sorry for the past you cannot change, but this discussion is over. Call you when he's ready to move forward. And continue therapy because it is what YOU want, not because he demands it. And he really does need it as well to work through his anger. There has to be some deeper cause for his behavior. Much love to you and your wife.
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A JW husband emailing his ex-girlfriend after his wife reveals her apostasy
by JimmyPage ina woman i've known for years recently confided in me.
she told me she found out her jw husband had been secretly e-mailing his jw ex-girlfriend.
he was telling his ex about how difficult it had been for him since his wife was now basically an apostate.
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ruderedhead
As always, the people on here have great insight. May I add to this?
She needs to be quiet for a while, and make sure she gets a paper trail. Print out what she can from the computer & keep it in a safe place. Forward any txt msgs to her phone(making sure to erase the forward from his phone so he doesn't know.) Anything she can get. If she decides she has had enough, she can take copies to his elders as well as the womans, mail evidence to the co and NY. They know full well what they are doing is frowned upon. He is a sneaky little bas****, and will continue this. He's playing the poor me game. Isn''t there a scripture that says you may win your husband over without a word? Doesn't that apply to wives as well? Who's the real apostate?
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Disfellowshipping and different cultures
by man in black in.
my wife and i walked away from the jw religion 6 years ago.. she works at a school part-time, and several of the maintenance people are hispanic and active jw's from our area.. they go out of their way to be friendly, but always in a somewhat guarded way.. we were talking about this last night, and she thinks that different cultures do not respect or honor the df / da requirements of the jw religion the same across the board.. i don't believe that,,,, from what i've seen over the years shunning a non believer who leaves or is df'ed is a pretty standard thing.
or is it true that different areas, or cultures adapt their own way of handling this belief?.
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ruderedhead
I don't know about the da/df thing, but I do know that when I was in I would see some jw's from other cultures do things that would have gotten me in trouble, and it was ignored. When I inquired about it, cause I wasn't the only one witnessing it, I was told it was part of their culture, and a scripture would sometimes be quoted. But they were already witnesses, so I thought right is right and wrong is wrong for everyone. That's crap!
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con artist JW
by outsmartthesystem inso my good ol soon to be ex father in law told me a few years ago (before i had told him of my horrible apostate ideas) about a "client" of his.
my fil used to be involved in the insurance/finance industries.
he had a lady client that was about 20 years older than him.
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ruderedhead
Rip makes a good point. All of the things that you say he does for her, are things her family should be doing. Why haven't they? I think you need to know the answer to that before you do anything. If it is because your ex-fil insists that he wants to do it and tells her don't bother the kids, that is one thing. But why aren't they checking on Mom? If her family were told of this, would they just put her in a nursing home, take control of her assests and leave her alone as it appears they have done? I think you need more of the story.
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Biding her time to strike.
by marriedtoajw ini tell you, it truely amazes me how ignorant i allowed myself to be in regards to the teachings of this religion when my wife and i married over 20 years ago.
i still can't get over it and forgive myself believing her when she told me after we got married that the jw religion wasn't for her.
perhaps because i am now immersed in the consequences of putting myself through this willful ignorance because of a suspicion i had that finding out ttatt is a rabbit hole that would only lead to more questions than answers in the long term.
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ruderedhead
Married, you are in a rough place, but in all honesty, you are complacent in this relationship. You don't like confrontation I am assuming. Your wifes family has replaced you as the head, but they are not paying the bills. I hate to say this, but you seriously need to get a pair. You are a meal ticket to her. What do you mean none of the advice here has helped much? I think perhaps you don't want to rock the boat. ROCK IT, dear married. Exercise your headship. You have been a doormat long enough.
If you have visited jwfacts, you have information that she cannot deny reasonably. These are your children as well. You MUST save them from this false religion.That is your responibility as their parent. Please exercise your headship. I realize that you do not need an all out war with your wife, however you need to plan outings with your kids during most meeting times. Non-negotiable. You run your household, not the wt, or wifes family. I think you wife is in mostly due to her mothers influence, probably has doubts. That may work in your favor, if you proceed with respect. The ball is in your court.
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21
What kind of cigar are you smoking, alcohol are you drinking, or other pleasure enjoying tonight?
by Comatose init's a chilean wine for the spouse and a coffee and brown sugar infused cigar for me.
quite nice.
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ruderedhead
While I normally drink Pinot Grigio, tonight I am having absolut and diet citrus iced tea. After 5 hours of yard work, and another 5 staring me in the face tomorrow, I need something stronger than wine tonight! My back is getting too old for this !
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HI! im new here...
by outofthelionsden ini have been reading post on this forum for many months and i wanted to thank you all for all the great posts and comments that have really helped me get through this hard year of fading.
my husband and i where born in jdubs and almost 1 year ago we started to fade , now that we think about it has been a few years that we were suffering from cognitive dissonance without knowing it.
we feel that finally we have our life back , a life that is just starting.
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ruderedhead
Welcome! How wonderful that your husband is exiting with you. Sad that your other family members are shunning you, but it is their loss. Did the Aunts/Uncles/cousins that your family shunned become jw's? If not, could you possibly re-connect with them? All the best to you!
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Off to the Doctor.
by LouBelle inin a couple of hours i'm going to the doctor - an intervention.
i don't want to be a burdon to my mother, she has her own life to lead with her own responsibilities.
i've always been able to take care of everything for myself.
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ruderedhead
Good for you, LouBelle! I'm so happy and relieved you are getting the professional help you need. I was worried about you. Please keep us posted. (((LouBelle)))