Posts by maxwell

37

JW friends, did you keep any?

by Victorian sky in

jw
friends

just wondering.

how many of you have kept any active jw friends?

i have a few i've known for years.

I didn't really have any close friends in the organization. But this post did get me to thinking. In the weeks before I was DF, there was one couple that called me 2 or 3 times to find out why I was missing the meetings. Of course, the calls stopped after the annoucement. At the time I didn't really feel like talking about it, and if I had told them my reasons for not coming, it may have been taken back to the elders and the process of leaving may have taken longer, but now that I think back I wonder what would have happened if I had given them a chance to talk with me.

And now that I think about it, there is one older sister who was in my wife's original congregation that specifically invited me over with my wife when we went back home to visit. There was no JW talk and she was just as sweet as she always was. Of course, I also have some family who don't shun so much. There's a few JW who don't follow the JW rule to the letter and I think that's particularly interesting when you are not even family. It kind of makes me look bad because when I was in, I shunned with the best of them and that included shunning family members. I've got some apologizing to do.

21

New Illinois Sex Law - Its a Killer

by Amazing in

jw
friends

the governor of illinois just signed into law new legislation that says that anytime during sexual intercourse, if a woman (or man) says stop, then the other person must immediately stop ... or ... they can be charged with rape ... okay ... .

so, i can see it now ... a partner is reaching orgasm and the other person says ... stop ... yeah ... okay, that's the law in illinois ... .

oh, i understand the foundation of the law ... and i suppose it has its good purpose ... but ... .

maxwell

Laws like this shouldn't have to be written. But now its here. I wouldn't be surprised if we see a grammatical argument as suggested by simwitness.

"Don't!" ........pant pant pant "Stop!" pant pant

Was that two requests to stop or one request to continue?

31

What if JWs had never been part of your life......?

by Scully in

jw
friends

prisca's topic about personal responsibility vs blaming the jws (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/56286/824979/post.ashx#824979) got me to thinking..... where do you think you'd be if the jws and the wts had never been part of your life?how would your life be different from what it is now?what do you think you might have accomplished or done differently without the encumberances of the jws in your life?what kind of relationship would you have with your family?who would you be?.

there are no right or wrong answers, but think about those what-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up ideas you had as children and whether those dreams could have become a reality.. .

love, scully

maxwell

Where do you think you'd be if the JWs and the WTS had never been part of your life?
How would your life be different from what it is now?
What do you think you might have accomplished or done differently without the encumberances of the JWs in your life?

The first three questions kind of run together for me. Of course, I'll never know, but I have interests like music that I didn't pursue seriously because I was a JW. A lot of values that I was taught I would have been taught no matter what my religion. But like others, I think I would have done a few more wild things perhaps. I'm not sure that I would have been married.

What kind of relationship would you have with your family?

If my immediate family had not been JW, I think the family bond would have been stronger. Even as JW, my father always taught that family comes first and blood comes thicker than water. But as a JW, I didn't quite buy that fully. In my logical mind, I always thought my dad was overemphasizing family over right. If family is wrong I believed then and still believe now that I wouldn't be standing behind my family. I don't automatically jump to my family's side just because they are my family. I have to believe that they are in the right, whereas my father will jump to the family's side first and ask questions later. If we had not been JW, my father would have still taught the same lesson and I think I probably would have bought into it. In general, I'd probably be a more feeling person and be better able to simply bond with my family and others.

Who would you be?

I'm sure I'd be different in many ways because of different experiences. But hopefully, my basic value structure would still be in place.

20

The Hokey Cokey.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

.

is it really what it's all about?.

englishman.

maxwell

I opened a bottle of "Honest Tea" a few weeks ago to find this thought provoking question printed on the top:

"What if the Hokey Pokey ISN'T what it's all about?"

I thought it was a bit of deep philosophy and put the text into my scrolling screensaver. I am convinced that someday I'll get it and I'll know the meaning of life.

42

How many of you know you want children or knew you wanted children before ?

by sandy in

jw
friends

did you always know you wanted children?.

if so how did you feel after.. if you do not want children, why?.

i am not sure if i want children and i am interested in all your opinions.

maxwell

I never had the desire to have children. I never will. I'm just not committed to spending 18+ years trying to help another human being become a productive member of society. I hear people coo about how cute and sweet babies are but they seem unable to think past that baby stage. The baby stage doesn't last very long and there's a lot more after that. Yes I know you good parents find joy even after the baby stage and probably for the rest of your lives. As I said on another thread, I think parents have the most important job in existence. Children are great and I have great respect for parents who try to do a good job. Suffice to say, that like others I like my freedom and I don't feel a need or desire for children.

There is one scenario where my mind would change. Failure of birth control. No birth control is 100% effective, except abstinence. So while the risk is very low, I do recognize the risk and I'm prepared to accept the responsibility of taking that risk. But hopefully, I never have demonstrate how serious I am about what I just said.

39

How Much is Personal Responsibility vs WTS' Fault?

by Prisca in

jw
friends

the current discussion of an ex-gb member has prompted me to ponder this question:.

just how much of our personal circumstances can/do we take responsibility for, and how much do we blame the wts?

you may have grown up as a jw, coerced into leaving early to pioneer, not go to university, have no kids, even stay single for the pursuit of singleness in the kingdom work to pioneer or go to bethel.

maxwell

I read a book called "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" some years ago when I was still a full believing Jehovah's Witness. Usually, I look upon self-help books with a lot of skepticism and I acknowledge those who have those feelings about this particular book. However, when I read the book and even now, I think the attitude conveyed in that book was sound. One of the seven habits was independence. A later habit was interdependence. Basically, the author was saying that a person has to be able to take responsibility for his/her own actions before being able to appreciate what they can do with others. Once you recognize the power you have over your own life, then you can choose who and how you will let others affect your life instead of just floating along letting positive and negative people affect your emotions or your direction in a random fashion. I came away from reading that book feeling that a lot more of what happened to me was within my control. It's a deeply ingrained principle with me. So when I left the JW, I was loathe to blame any missed opportunities or disadvantages I had faced on the religion or my parents. I've been a legal adult since I was 18 and even before that most of what happened to me was directly influenced by my own actions. I have made mistakes and mostly I have myself to blame for any bad things that happen to me. On the other hand, I have also caused many good things to happen to myself. With that knowledge I can go into the future making better decisions for myself and choosing to be with positive people.

18

Do you ever get them at the door?

by MrsQ in

jw
friends

ok, i have been 'out' for about 9 years, now.

in all that time i have lived in 4 different states.

i have only had two visits from jw's during that time and both times they were from spanish congregations...the first time because my boyfriend at the time was mexican-american and someone told them we spoke spanish...the second time because my next door neighbors spoke spanish and they came to my place accidentally.. at any rate, both times as soon as they found out we spoke english, they scurried away and apologized for bothering us.

maxwell

When I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I believed that at least in the free countries the majority of people had experienced some contact with JW's and had had the chance to hear the not good news. I believed that there were a few countries we had not been into and that those were some of the unrighteous who would also get a russurection (sp?) so that they would have a chance. I don't remember where that scripture is. But over the past few years I'm inclined to think that maybe we had not covered this country as well as I had thought. I think about the rural territory that I grew up in and it was rare that we found someone home and there were a number of houses behind gates sitting far back from the road that we couldn't get to. When I left home I moved to an apartment building with 10 floors. I have heard that Witnesses in this area used to enter these buildings but now it's supposed to be covered by telephone witnessing. I lived in my first apartment building for 3 years and I never heard from them. Perhaps they did call with their number blocked and that was why I never heard from them. I don't answer blocked calls. I was in an apartment that would have been assigned to a different congregation so they wouldn't have known me. There are also gated communities out there where the phone is supposed to be used. I think they tried to cover phone territory once a year, but I doubt that they were successful. I have also heard of some congregations that work their territory weekly in some cities, but it appears that is not the case in most places. Well I'll just enjoy my peace.

10

'Divisions' in the EXJW World: Thoughts, Please!

by lisaBObeesa in

jw
friends

doesnt it seem that the people who have been out of the jws for a while have, for the most part, divided into two political parties?

we have the group who is pro-trying-to-bringing-down-the-wt and the group that is anti-trying-to-bring-down-the wt.

of course we have a bunch of independents, too.

maxwell

If I had to classify myself, I suppose I'd be "independent". I don't feel any great need to work toward pulling down the watchtower. But I'm not anti-pull them down, although I really doubt that will ever happen. And I doubt there will ever be any radical reform. There will continue to be "new light" and they will change slowly but not necessarily in a positive way all the time.

And I agree about the internet community of exJW's not being particularly representative. I've met six ex-JW at meetups. None of them post on ex-JW message boards or have any aspirations to pull down or reform the Watchtower. Their lives are full with other things like work, family and friends. How many more don't use the Internet at all. I'd guess that even in thw US there are still about half that don't have Internet access. Many lack the finances and many simply have no interest in the Internet.

22

Eight Days Vacation per Year

by Satanus in

jw
friends

how much vacation do you get per yr?

according to this article, hard working americans get 8 days off.vacations are being downsized by the same forces that brought us soaring work weeks: labor cutbacks, a sense of false urgency created by tech tools, fear and, most of all, guilt.

managers use the climate of job insecurity to stall, cancel and abbreviate paid leave, while piling on guilt.

maxwell

I work for the federal government. Generally federal government pay is thought to be less than the private sector, but the vacation and holidays are pretty hard to beat. I don't remember exactly how many federal holidays, I think about 11, but who gets off President's Day or Martin Luther King's holiday except for the banks. I accrued vacation at 4 hours per bi-week when I started and after my 3 yr anniversary it is 6 per bi week so that comes to almost 20 days per year with 26 biweeks in a year. If you stay for 15 years it goes up to 8 per bi-week. I haven't felt any guilt about vacation. In fact there's several reminders a year telling you that you cannot carry over more than 240 hours of vacation per year. And each pay statement includes an estimate of the amount of vacation time you will lose if you don't take any more vacation before the end of the year. There's no limit on sick time carry-over which accrues at 4 hours per bi-week and never increases.

26

Coming Out ?

by johnathanseagull in

jw
friends

don't you sometimes feel like "coming out" on this board..... as in my name is blah blah and i was in this cong etc etc.

i know some who have done so here.............it's not that i'm embarrassed about giving my details or letting people know here........the only thing that stops me is ...............ahhh f**k it.

jgull.

maxwell

My real first name is Manuel (I'm not hispanic, just the name my black parents gave me. Mostly my father. He retained a bit of his Spanish from HS and may have been motivated by that scripture in Isaiah..."Immanuel".)

Washington DC now, but when I was in I attended

South Arlington, Arlington, VA (1999-2002),

Oakland, Oakland, TN (1986-1999) and

North, Memphis, TN (from toddler years to 1986).

There was one other congregation, but I was a baby then and I have no recollection of my time in the Fairhaven congregation in Memphis, TN. But I might know some people who went there.

Anyone who knew me while I was JW could identify me from this post.