Did you always know you wanted children?
Did you think you didn't want them and had them anyways? If so how did you feel after.
If you do not want children, Why?
I am not sure if I want children and I am interested in all your opinions.
How many of you know you want children or knew you wanted children before ?
by sandy 42 Replies latest jw friends
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Elsewhere
It amazes me how many women have an overwhelming desire to have a six pound screaming larva rip its way out of their lower abdomens.
Us men have it easy... wham-bam... there ya go ma'am. [ ZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzz ]
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bittersweet
I knew I wanted children from a very young age. I was always very maternal, doting on my younger siblings and being the neighborhood babysitter. My older sister on the other hand, always said growing up that she would never have children. She changed her mind in her 20's, and now has two boys and is very happy.
I do however have an aunt and uncle in their 50's who made the decision that they didn't want children. They are very happy with this decision, as the two of them are content to have eachother.
Personally, I think it depends on the person. If you really feel you don't want children, then you probably aren't ready. But if you are just a little unsure, then you'd probably be delighted if you had a child. Whether you decide to have kids or not is completely up to you, and a decision that only you should make ( and of course your signifigant other ).
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unbeliever
For as long as I can remember I have always wanted children. I don't think so anymore. I watched my almost 4 year old nephew for 10 days while his parents went on vacation. It was hell. He did not listen to a damn thing I said. Everytime he would throw one of his fits I would just count down the days till I could give him back. If I had a child of my own I could not do that. I think I will just enjoy my neices and nephews. I'm in my early 20's so I could change my mind eventually but I doubt it.
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happyout
Most of my life, I knew I did NOT want children. I was never the maternal one, and only babysat to make money.
It wasn't until my very late 20's that I decided it might be a good idea, and then, once I met my husband I decided it would be a great idea.
Unbeliever, it may sound like a cliche, but believe me when I say it's different with your own kids. It really really is.
My son is the light of my life, and brings me so much joy it's almost pain.
Happyout (happy to be a mommy)
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Odrade
Growing up, all I wanted to be was a mom. I desperately wanted kids. When Pater and I got married, we decided to wait until we bought a house, and wait 3 years. It was so hard to wait, I wanted to start a family RIGHT NOW! We bought the house at the three year mark, then started saying "another couple of years before we have kids won't hurt." Now it's been a few more years.
Last year we were still counting on our fingers how many years I had before that clock ran out. I remember thinking really hard about why we kept postponing starting a family. For awhile, I think it was our confusion about being Witnesses. I would think to myself, I can't raise my kids as witnesses, but I can't NOT raise them as witnesses. I didn't want to have kids while still undecided about religion. Then my father started talking about grandkids. He would say things like: "I can't wait till you have kids so I can take them in service/ read them the Bible Story book/ teach them about Jehovah/ sit with them at the meetings and help them answer..." on and on ad nauseum. I remember cringing everytime he started in, thinking I didn't want to inflict that on any child of mine. Grandfathers are supposed to want to take their little grandkids to the zoo, and play ball and feed them ice cream, play monopoly, go hiking... not spend all their time indoctrinating the poor kids.
The more I thought about it, and the further away from the "truth" we got, the more I realized that I was happy without kids. We have a nice lifestyle. We go where we want, when we want. I'm old enough now that kids kind of get on my nerves. We don't have the space anymore because we use it for our interests. I have hobbies, and am starting to get a real social life for the first time ever.
I started to discover that maybe the intense desire for children was to fill a void in my heart. I was looking for that "unconditional" love. Not someone who only acted like they loved me when I was pioneering or answering or attending all the meetings. I don't have that void anymore. If I had children, it wouldn't be to complete something missing in me, it would be because we really want them. Right now we don't, and we may not ever.
Odrade
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teenyuck
Editing my post to add:
Odrade: That is more or less what happened with my husband and I....you expressed it very well. We moved around alot (all over the country) and every few years it became *we will wait another few years*. Now, like you, I know, I don't want any. Add to that, I am *approaching* middle-age...I have to think about retirement!
I wanted kids....bad. My sister had her little bundle of joy when I was 16. I immediately became the designated babysitter. She and her husband went out partying and I stayed at their place and watched Jr. He was a good baby. I wanted a baby for *attention*. My sister, initially, got lots of attention for having a kid. I figured I would get lots of attention too. Just pop out a kid. Luckily, no one was interested in fertilizing my eggs.
Cut to age 20, I was going to a community college, sis had moved away and I realized I not only did not miss changing diapers, I never wanted to do it again.
I was at a neighbors yesterday evening (Mary Kay *Party*--UGH)....Neighbor just had a kid; 12 months after popping out the first one! The Mary Kay lady had a kid 8 months ago. Another neighbor, Shea, had a kid 4 months ago, a third neighbor came...she is 5 months pregnant. The Mary Kay lady brought a person in training...she had a kid 6 months ago.....AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I almost ran screaming as they talked about C-Sections, diapers, stretch marks, midnight feedings, ceral or not, breast feed or not, side sleep or back sleep, epidural or natural, how big was it, what does a big baby mean.....
Finally, one of them looked at me, sitting quietly, and asked "How many kids do you have?" "None" I replied. Shocked silence. They turned away, not sure if it were medical (I am to be pitied) or my decision (I am to be scorned). I let them guess.
I, luckily, realized that I do not have a *Mommy* instinct. I just don't. I have my cats, my husband and that is enough. I don't need a child to light up my life.
I will never understand that sentiment. Honest. I must be made of iron.
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tinkerbell82
I've never had any desire to have children. i simply don't care for them and i don't have the patience to deal with them. i had to babysit my brothers and sister every summer since i was twelve years old untill i moved out at eighteen, and let me tell you, it was NOT fun. and i can't stand the sound of crying babies, it drives me up the wall. finally i can look at my mom and tell i dont have what it takes to be a good meother; she was a GREAT mom, sacrificed all of her wants and needs to make sure us kids got everything we wanted and never complained about it once, and we were wicked ungrateful to boot. i'm far too selfish for all of that.
i guess i just lack a certain maternal instinct
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sandy
Wow I find all of your comments very interesting. Thank you.
As I said I am not sure if I want kids. I see babies and small children with their moms and dads and it looks nice and sweet but the feeling passes. I start thinking about the responsibility.
I think it all comes down to that. I am afraid of the responsibility. When people ask me why I don't want kids I say the same thing. They are too much trouble.
Maybe I do have the maternal instinct but I am just afraid of the commitment. The past couple of years when I hear a baby cry I think it is sweet. I imagine what it would be like raising a child but the hard parts scare me. I am afraid I will turn out like my mother and my husband will turn out to be like my father.
I have some serious issues. LOLL Really thanks everyone.
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Odrade
Teeny, isn't life grand without 'em? Ha! Like you, my life is too full for children. Unlike you, I really love the little buggers. I can mom-talk with the best of them. My job revolved around toddlers for many years, and I love being around kids...for a while. As I'm walking away from the tots though, I always breathe a sigh of relief that none of them are going home with me. People who know me are horrified that I'm not going to be a mom because "you would make such a good one." Like it's any of their business.
Life is good, pets are good--you don't need to pay a babysitter. Dinner out costs the price of the dinner, not dinner + $60 for the sitter. We can stay out till midnight without guilt, we can watch loud violent movies anytime. We can decorate our house with antiques, glass art and collectibles... Yep, life is good.
Odrade