Hi Sonnyboy & welcome, I have a feeling you & I are going to get along just fine!
When I left, I'd reached the point where I thought if Jehovah existed, he must be a sadist. Even now, just the thought of one child dying of malnutrition - so completely preventable & futile & sad - refutes the existence of God to me. It just doesn't make sense, & if it does make sense, that is not a God I would be interested in serving.