Posts by ihatescreennames

1

ATTN: Portland, Oregonians

by ihatescreennames in

hi.. i am a book scout.

i was at an auction in woodburn, oregon today and bid on three boxes of books, and one tape dispenser.. there was one individual who sold most of his stuff at the auction.

he was a jehovahs witness who moved to/is moving in the very near future to china.

ihatescreennames

Hi.

I am a book scout. I was at an auction in Woodburn, Oregon today and bid on three boxes of books, and one tape dispenser.

There was one individual who sold most of his stuff at the auction. He was a Jehovahs Witness who moved to/is moving in the very near future to China. His wife is Chinese. I have a bin of books from his son, ****. He was at one time an alcoholic (I found six AA books.) Apparently most of his children were not JW because there were some Christmas ornaments in the children's items, as well as Easter. They were also not included in his will. His wife was named sole custodian and in the event that both husband and wife would die, a non-family member was named heir. I found a diary from ****'s old girlfriend which was, as diaries go, quite the norm, but very intriguing. I would like to learn more about these people: are they still alive? Are they happy? What's their favorite color? Do they enjoy Oregon rain and how is life treating them?

I feel as though I halfway know them.

The man, ******* *******, had very nice clothes. Alot of corduroy. A Churchill wool hat. I quite liked it. There were several first editions by Russell worth a significant amount (some at least 1000, given the right buyers and a patient seller), which I didn't bother with. A friend snapped them up with my blessings. They also had a DVD burner and CD burner which went for 130, installed.

I have their full names, the father's will, and the (new?) wife's full name as well. I didn't dwell on many specifics in this post because I'm a bit afraid that some of the children might frequent this site, and my big mouth would make this an unsafe place to come to.

If you are here, please come forward. I'm a sucker for genealogy, and just stories. I love to put pieces together. If you know of these people, or think you may know, please tell me a little bit about them!

If you are here and don't like how much I may or may not know, I won't try and find you further then this post.

Thank you.

Michelle.

12

I really don't know anything.

by ihatescreennames in

last night i wallked through a suburbia neighborhood.

i sat for a time, crosslegged, on cement pebbles.

there was a teenage girl twirling her baby sister around and around and around the lawn.

ihatescreennames

Dear Sentinel:

I do want to say that while some of my experiences in the SDA church have been terrible, as I will relate when my head shuts up and aligns itself as all properly working heads eventually do, I learned more then I can say within the church. While the organization itself was cruel and wrong to me, alot of people have stood by me through it all. Some have not, granted. But I love the people in my church. They raised me in many ways. I respect them more then words can express. They were wrong to me. But I have been wrong also sometimes. We all have "wrong" in us. As well as good.

I have no intention of returning to the church. Yet I respect the people in the church. I love them and would give my life for any one of them, including the people who raped me and accused me of things I did not do.

I think, rather then religion cancelling out love, it is the fear of truth, and love. Both Jehovah's Witness's and Seventh-day Adventist's live in a carefully constructed comfort zone with a deep fear of what it is like "out there". And their fear has merit. It BLOODY HURTS OUT HERE!

I cannot judge their hearts, although I can say I believe living in a lie when faculties belong to us to know better, is wrong.

It is not what is done to us that affects so adversely in this life, but rather, how we react to what is done to us.

And in saying this I am not trying to malign the healing "process" (As C.S. Lewis in his "A Grief Observed" notes is needed in death, and change always brings death.) What we feel will not always be pretty and we will make mistakes.

I am very confused. It might be a couple days before the ending comes back to me. In the first post of this string I had it all in my head but went out to be with friends in the middle of the writing, and it never came back to me. It will come back, I just need to think on it.

12

I really don't know anything.

by ihatescreennames in

last night i wallked through a suburbia neighborhood.

i sat for a time, crosslegged, on cement pebbles.

there was a teenage girl twirling her baby sister around and around and around the lawn.

ihatescreennames

I am tired and don't want to finish tonight.

I will make some responses to Valis since, if I'm correct, he runs this site, and some response is deserving for how much time he has vested in this.

My boyfriend used to post in here. I know kes152, as well. I know of AGuest. Since it was that section of this site who invited me. a.) I deeply respect Aaron. b.) I am a very confused, unknowledgeable person and don't not believe or believe in any thing they believe in general.

I also have had extensive experiences with JW's, mostly ex-JW's. I don't want to post exactly where I live and full name and such for privacy reasons and I haven't a clue how to send Private Messages or what avator means. I'm blog illiterate.

I own a little online book business. I spend alot of time writing and reading.

I will finish this. Maybe tonight. I am thinking.

12

I really don't know anything.

by ihatescreennames in

last night i wallked through a suburbia neighborhood.

i sat for a time, crosslegged, on cement pebbles.

there was a teenage girl twirling her baby sister around and around and around the lawn.

ihatescreennames

Last night I wallked through a suburbia neighborhood. I sat for a time, crosslegged, on cement pebbles.

There was a teenage girl twirling her baby sister around and around and around the lawn. I smiled huge. They saw me and smiled at me, huge smiles, twirly body, falling on the green winter grass. I could hear thier giggles to the end of the block.

I couldn't stop smiling all the way to Wal-Mart.

My heart is aching with contradictions. Life is so simple. A child's game multiplied by a billion. Letters instead of numbers in the equations. Variables.

I want to be honest with you. All of you.

I've said it before on this blog, but I haven't said it recently. I wasn't raised Jehovah's Witness. I was raised Seventh-day Adventist. My great-grandfather was best friends with Russell, however. He helped found the JW religion. This great-grandfather was a carpenter and in my home growing up there was an old desk, well made with a marble top, decorated with the Star of David in honor of JW's. I recently sold this desk at a pawn shop for a fraction of it's worth.

Going through old letters we found letters from Russell to my great-grandfather. They were thrown out eventually or given to Mormon genealogical centers who gulped them in one satisfied swallow.

As for the Seventh-day Adventist culture, I am a fourth generation Adventist on both sides. My father was head-elder of our church, Pathfinder leader, newspaper editor, organ player, announcer, on the church and school board, Social President, and Youth Leader. My mother was deaconness, counselor and teacher in Pathfinders, assistant newspaper editor, Potluck organizer, Social Chairman, head of the school board for 8 years, and Cradle Roll Leader.

To top it off, we were quite wealthy and likely one of two top intelligent families in the church. People came to us with thier problems and we mediated them.

I had quite a track record as well, which is to be expected. I hosted a fundraiser each month to raise money for homeless people. I was spiritual vice-president of my class for several years and knew more about Josephus, the Gnostic Gospels, and the Bible itself then most adults in the church, though not many people knew this since I was reserved about my knowledge as female children are supposed to be. I went on several mission trips and had the ultimate goal of starting an orphanage in Brazil and India. I went door to door spreading the good news, and had a high success rate due to my sincere passion and ability to not shove religion down people's throats.

Please note my shame about my residual pride in sharing this with you. This is what I was talking about. Variables can be contradictive (high success rate = pride = shame). It makes sense in a whole, but separated is meaningless, a child's scribbling. (high success rate = shame= incorrect).

For instance, last night I was frightened to sleep alone in a strange house without my boyfriend, so I stayed up all night waiting for him to come home. When asked what I was afraid of I had to respond: well, cumulatively, everything. Apart, Nothing.

He responded: Well, that is natural I suppose. Especially at night.

But I am trailing off the subject. I was going to tell you about my fall from grace in the Seventh-day Adventist church and how this has affected my entire life. Also, about how my absolutes in terms of morality and belief are sanded down by the winds of variability and simply knowing I know very little.

I drifted too far and I'm content to finish this post tonight.

Until then,

Michelle

13

Dust in the wind or (I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto.)

by ihatescreennames in

it seems in the past few months my entire life has paraded before my eyes.

i am malleable.

i go through ideas and try on personalities like elizabeth taylor tries on husbands.

ihatescreennames

Tell me more? I'm available, but I'd have to break some hearts I care about to actually pursue anything. So. Probably just friends.

63

Pictures of yourself.

by ihatescreennames in

jw
friends

a picture thread!.

time to come out of the closet.

i'm a bit of a voyeurist.

ihatescreennames

No. I was working at an orphanage in Guatemala with an agency. This is the end of a fun day with the most adorable, well-behaved children you can imagine.

13