I'm going off the thread to comment on the funeral aspect. Remember that I am not a former dub, just a former study.
Many, many unchurched christians have services conducted by strangers. This happened for my mother, because dad wasn't willing to fly in the face of convention and bury her without the words of a minister. Nevermind that she was an agnostic, or maybe an atheist. So, the funeral director suggested a local pastor, we spent ten minutes with him telling him about her and then he spoke. It was phony and uncomfortable, an honest statement and a straightforward altar call would have been less of a travesty.
I have attended other funerals and memorial services with the same pattern. The best were conducted by speakers who said, "Here is how I knew the deceased, please share your remembrances".
I went to a service for a woman who had been active in her church and who had a strong relationship with the pastor. He said something like "You are all here out of your love and respect for this woman and her family". Let me tell you what was on her mind. She knew that many who would be attending today, even some of her children, are not right with God". He then preached fire and brimstone for fifteen minutes. He was good too. I don't know if he saved anyone but he took us out of our comfort zones, which was a good thing. The good ladies of the church prepared food for us and we told our stories and sang our songs after the formal funeral was over.
