My mind was shut.
Cognitive dissonance.
It was like being submerged 3000 feet under water, where it is dark, and cold, with an intense pressure, I can't move very fast...
what I didn't realize was that all I had to do to relieve myself of this cold dark pressure was to swim up. I was told not to. I was told that unspeakable harm would come apon me if I didn't stay.
But I chose to listen to my instincts - and they were telling me something was WRONG.
So I started my ascent...towards the gradual light, the pressure started releasing it's hold on me...and the farther I swam up, the faster I could swim, the darkness was being replaced with more sunlight, I was feeling warm water, instead of cold, I was feeling FREE...
and then
I broke the surface to freedom!
and I saw the world for what it really was....
My eyes could see, my hears could hear, and my body could feel the warm air, the peaceful sky, and the gentle rocking of the waves....
they don't hold me anylonger, I swim freely now, as all people should.