JAYK- I totally understand what you're going through and how you feel. I'm the youngest of my siblings and the ONLY one who got out of the Witnesses about 14 years ago. I wasn't DFed, but just stopped going due to not agreeing with the WT Society and their injustices. Any time that I've gotten together with my 3 older JW siblings- it's always been an " official " function like an occasional wedding or funeral. And although we hugged, there really isn't much conversation because most all they want to discuss is what's happening in Jehovah's Witness land - as they feel THAT is the only important thing to discuss. WT Society influences them to feel that family, personal relationships don't really matter - but only WT functions and JW issues matter.
So like yourself, my conversations with them get very stunted with both me and them grappling for words to say or to try to have normal conversations. Since I'm probably the best conversationalist in my family ( JW or NON -JW I got that from my mom ) I can carry a conversation but I end up doing most of the talking because my JW relatives have a " goal " or an " agenda " when talking to me - which is trying to steer or control the conversation BACK to JW speak and topics. But I just steer it back to family topics and ask how their lives are going ? And I get short, clipped answers like " fine " or " we are doing fine " . I mean it's so stunted it's ridiculous. I have much better conversations with the 50 % of my family who are Ex-JW's as at least they'll talk about anything. You'll find that our JW relatives are extremely limited in what they'll talk to us about because in their brains- they are already pre-judging you and me as " heathens " or unfit disbelievers in their organization. It is what it is. Try hanging out with any ex-JW or Non-JW relatives you have. I believe it will make you happier and brighten your day - as well as lighten your load as regards to stress. Who needs stressful relations when it comes to relatives anyway ? My 2 cents. Put yourself around people who see and appreciate YOU for being YOU. Good luck, take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper