slmdf

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Posts by slmdf

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  18

  NEED ADVICE opinions wanted.

  by burningbridges in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, i need advice, i put this originally under a different thread but definitely not angled the right way.... opinions wanted!!!!!!.

  i really want to have another baby right now, but i'm going through a divorce.

  the guy i'm with right now is great (been with him eight months ok, stop, don't judge, listen to the whole story!!!

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  slmdf

  :) Ok! I hope you don't mind me getting 'psychological' on you. But I want to comment on a couple things you said. I am picking here, but I find that often, there is truth to be found in the words used - because they are heart-sprung.

  You said:

  I feel it would be best for my daughter to have a two parent family where neither one was a witness because that that is the most loving and stable arrangement and I can't imagine her not growing up without siblings because mine were all only a year apart from each other and it made us best friends, I had always wanted that for my kids.... But things change....

  You started off saying "it would be best for my daughter to have a two parent family where neither one was a witness". What this tells me (3rd party view) that what you know to be true is that you must first and foremost fight to ensure that you get your daughter. If having another child with a different man outside of wedlock will be used against you, I suppose you would have to ask yourself, "am I living in alignment with my intention of making sure my daughter is with a two-parent family who are not witnesses?"

  You then talked about how YOU can't imagine her growing up without siblings because YOURS were all a year apart and YOU wanted it for your kids. Again, I am really picking on words here (I understand that and am only trying to help you think this through so you get the answer that is most helpful to you). Your daughter doesn't know what it's like to have siblings all 1 year apart. She will not miss it. You do. However, I can read into your statement that because you found it so important (being best friends with your siblings) you want her to have the same positive experience. Understand - she will not be 1 yr apart from her next sibling, but they can still be best friends. Sometimes age distance can make siblings better friends! But, her experience can not and will not mirror yours. Even if they were one year apart - there is a likely chance that they would not be best friends.

  So... is this helpful at all? I certainly don't want to muddy the waters. I just like to get people thinking. If this isn't helpful, I will be quiet. (I need to get to bed anyway.) however, if it is helpful, I'm happy to continue the dialogue. IF you want to take this PM, that's fine too.

  Much love till tomorrow.

  :)
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  18

  NEED ADVICE opinions wanted.

  by burningbridges in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, i need advice, i put this originally under a different thread but definitely not angled the right way.... opinions wanted!!!!!!.

  i really want to have another baby right now, but i'm going through a divorce.

  the guy i'm with right now is great (been with him eight months ok, stop, don't judge, listen to the whole story!!!

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  slmdf

  awww, hun. I didn't intend to make you appear selfish. I am sure you love your daughter and you want what's best for her - that's why you don't let him around her, and you went to classes. That is very true. I am not here to judge you in any way. What you decide is totally up to you.

  However, if you were to finish this sentence - how would you do it.

  "What is best for my daughter in this situation is..." The way you finish that sentence is your answer. If needed, you can also finish this sentence, "And, I say that because...".

  So, if you finish the first sentence with, "for me to have another baby now." Then you can add, "And, I say that because whether I get custody of her or not, she will have another sibling she will always be able to develop a relationship with and I want to provide her that special gift."

  Or, you may answer with, "for me to not have a baby until the divorce is done." Then you can add, "And I say that because I know it's in her best interests to be with me, and if I have another child, it could per her best interests at risk."

  Totally up to you, but how you finish those two sentences is your answer. You can do it. I know you can. I have faith in you. Your choice will be the correct one.

  Much Love.
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  18

  NEED ADVICE opinions wanted.

  by burningbridges in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, i need advice, i put this originally under a different thread but definitely not angled the right way.... opinions wanted!!!!!!.

  i really want to have another baby right now, but i'm going through a divorce.

  the guy i'm with right now is great (been with him eight months ok, stop, don't judge, listen to the whole story!!!

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  slmdf

  Disclosure: I do not have kids.

  Background: I was married for 12 years.

  Opinion: When you have kids, everything changes. What you want is almost always in second place. In your post I heard you say things like, "I want", "he wants", etc. I didn't hear you say, "What I think will be best and most constructive for my daughter is..." I think whatever you would say after that sentence is your answer. Only you know the answer. Do whatever you know that sentence should say. No one ought to judge you either way. I didn't have kids cause I wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted. So... what's best for your daughter?

  Much love.
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  30

  Ever Since I Stopped Speaking to My Parents and Sister...

  by cognac in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i haven't needed to take my ptsd meds.. i've quit drinking altogether.. i stopped drinking coffee (just decaf).

  i'm eating a lot healthier.

  i just feel a lot more calm and so much happier its not even funny.... i know that i've had to stop taking my meds a lot because i haven't had to deal with them, not sure if the other things have anything to do with it or not... i just think it's a bit sad that i feel so much happier with them out of my life... i feel like i can grow as a person so much more.

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  slmdf

  Hey there! I experienced a similar thing when I left JW's. I lost 65 pounds, was finally able to stick to a workout, started eating healthier, stopped having migraines, and stopped having any seasonal allergies. It used to be in the Spring, I would have to take Allegra and a nasal spray to help control my hayfever allergies. This year (my first Spring out of the bOrg) I have no allergies at all. It's fantastic!

  It just goes to show that when you leave, your life doesn't always turn upside down. I'm better, happier and more positive than I've ever been. Sweet relief!!!

  Congrats to all who have experienced the same!!!
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  62

  Any other gays?

  by dwtnphotog in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  hi, just wanted to see if i have any "brothers" in the great state of california or anywhere for that matter.

  it would be nice to have some support and help for each other!

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  slmdf

  Hey dwntwn - we've IM'd but I wanted to check in.... Indiana here. I don't think any other gays live here. It's awfully lonely. ; )

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to all my gay brothers! Love ya'll.
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  119

  What Its Like To Be A Gay Ex JW....

  by str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i guess its time to throw my little story out there.

  i keep reading everyones stories and thinking how brave you have all been, coming out of the organisation and facing all the repercussions of doing so.. .

  i only last august disassociated myself.

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  slmdf

  Hi Str8! Welcome to JWD.

  I have a similar experience, I came out and faced my sexuality (I too am gay) at the age of 35, after 11 years of marriage and being raised a JW. It was the best decision I've ever made. I was an elder, secretary, gave District Convention parts and on the HLC, so, like you, I was very involved. I am AMAZED at how refreshing it is NOT to be a JW anymore. I love my life and finally enjoy waking up every morning.

  Congratulations on coming out and living the wonderful life we have. Make the best of it! I'd love to read your experience.

  Take good care.
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  51

  Watchtower Comments YOUTUBE PREMIERE!

  by V in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible
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  slmdf

  Fantastic V! Way to go. A wonderfully amazing job on this. It's professional look adds to its credibility. Thank you. You are providing a wonderful service.
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  105

  What book are you reading right now?

  by Wordly Andre in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am reading buried alive: the terrifying history of our most primal fear, it's really cool

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  slmdf

  I'm currently reading and re-reading "Conversations with God" Books 1, 2 and 3 concurrently. Fabulous!
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  296

  BETHELITES - Whatever Became of?

  by Black Man in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i often times wonder what happened to certain bethelites that i ran around with during my 1990s tenure there.

  while there are still a few left there, the greater majority of them aren't there for various reasons (marriage, disillusionment, left the borg, etc).

  a couple of cats i wonder about - there was one brother who i believe was from kansas, who got his fingers cut off in a printing press.

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  slmdf

  Billy - Do you know if Joe and Jana Brown are still JW's?

  Seeker - when were you you at Bethel? I was there 91-94. Worked in the office (photography/art). We seem to know a lot of the same people. Did I know you?
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  37

  WT and Awake covers to title, have fun video to follow

  by Wasanelder Once in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  here you are.

  i will use these and the ones unused from the last thread to make a fun with covers 19. .

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  slmdf