i have depressingly frequent dreams of being back in the borg.
i am out on the work thinking why am i here i don't do this anymore.
i am in kingdom halls with my mag - underlined!
I have them frequently. I am usually surrounded by people I have known forever and they are whispering about me. When people come up to talk to me I am forced to tell them not to talk to me. All the while, I am feeling panicky & suffocated. The worst part is when my mother appears (she is deceased) and she asks me "why?". Bleh
Well, the panicky & suffocated is how I felt all the time at the thought of being with dubs...now don't have that at all
jehovahs witnesses are waiting for armageddon, .
and this is what occupies their time while they wait!
abraham waves his staff in their faces.
You should publish a book. I have been laughing hysterically...I saw my dub life flashing before my eyes as I read your stuff. Encore, encore. Maybe you should start a blog.
wow!
i came across this site and i felt a huge weight come off of my shoulders!
someone understands!
Welcome Josie! You will find it a great stress relief to be able to vent where people listen & understand.
curious as to what exwitnesses have become or believe.
i haven't joined any religous group and do not attend any services.
(have visited a church's service)
Religion makes me nauseous. I stay busy and don't think about it. I would classify myself as agnostic.
i was just wondering, how many dfed to we have on here compared to da or faders??
?
Df'd for refusing to meet the Trinity because I was suicidal...recovering from two attempts at suicide. Have not looked back...left JW hubby who is & has cheated on me--the Borg loves him! No one knows where I live and I live in a gated community. No regrets for leaving the loveless borginization.
i've been thinking of this a lot lately.
the following experience ties my first doubt in with my present life.
as a backdrop to this, you should know that i was a 5th generation "raised in the truth" jw through my mother (her great-grandfather got "the truth" from pastor russell).
Most definitely the lack of love. How is df'ing a loving thing? How does that help people who are down & out? How can mere men judge heart conditions & determine true repentance? I saw more hate in the organization than love.
are things sooooo different now??
?
I am much happier, have a feeling of peace that has long been absent. I don't feel oppressed and I am not surrounded by rude, judgemental people who hate.
I also no longer have panic attacks since going to the KH is what brought them on.
an elder is at my house right now studying with my dad in the next room.
he can probably hear me typing now .
i got two crank calls in a row (the phone is right by the computer on the desk) ...then someone called a third time and i just picked up the phone and slammed it loudly.
Grab your sister & run! At least if they think you are an evil phone slammer they will leave you alone! You are muy funny btw!
it always amazed me how jws can have almost two different personalities.
it's not quite like having a double life, but it's the hypocricy of jws themselves.. i remember going to those meetings and seeing everyone with their plastic smiles, as if they were the greatest people in the world.
but you lift the curtain of their home lives, and their true personalities come out.. my mother was an entirely different person at the meetings.
I had a roomie who was full-time pioneer (I was just the reg publisher who worked full time {gasp}!) One night I went to bed early and I woke up to voices in the living room...male voices. I got dressed and go out to see what is going on and mz spiritual has 6 worldly guys parked in our living room and they are drinking. Now I am sure it was all perfectly innocent--perhaps a bible study ? Then there were all the phone calls from men who met her at the restaurant she worked. My particular favorite would be the sexy lingerie she ordered from a porn shop to keep her "cool" in the heat of summer while she went out in service. Did I mention she did drugs or that one weekend while we were away she let her brother have a party at our house without my knowledge? I had fun cleaning up all the liquor bottles, cigarette butts, and listening to the neighbors describe calling the police.
The elders reaction? They said I needed to talk to her and really, without proof, they could do nothing. She in turn went to them and told them I was doing those things--guess who got counseled? Guess who they believed?
tonight i went to see my favorite comedian and my dub brother & sister-in-law were there from out of state.
i just ignored them, they saw me and got this sad look on their face.
i thought, you made the choice, i didn't.
Bikerchic, it was Brian Regan. He makes me laugh til I cry.
Zeroday--I am sure the bright light keeps "getting brighter" on this subject.
lisavegas420--sure, go for the gold on that one!
thanks for the love, hugs & advice. It is nice to have a place to go to be understood. I don't think I could stress that enough.
