Well it depends on wether or not you can handle there "freak out" if you choose to D'A yourself. Do you think over time they will somewhat "get over it" and get used to the fact that you aren't going to meetings anymore? (this would apply to fading also) or would it be a never-ending battle?
If it would then its basically a damned if you do damned if you don't scenario. Although in this case maybe fading would be best because it would be less extreme. Then again, its obvious your wife still has the notion you are planning on coming back. What have you told her? You had to of given her some reason as to why all your suits are collecting dust in your closet?
P.S What the hell is a conniption?