I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 > > minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking > > ticket. > > So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a > > break?" > > He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a > > pencil-necked idiot. > > He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! > > So I called him a piece of horse s**t. > > He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. > > Then he started writing a third ticket! > > This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more > > tickets he wrote. > > I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. > > I try to have a little fun each day. It's important. >
Posts by alfie
-
2Just joking officer
by alfie ini went to the store the other day, and i was in there for only about 5 > > minutes.
when i came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking > > ticket.
> > so i went up to him and said, "come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a > > break?
-
-
-
27
Ozzie's Weekend Poll #33
by ozziepost inmrs ozzie and i are enjoying a week in the blue mountains at a convention (no, not a district convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
) but we didn't want to miss out on our customary poll, so we're sending this from a very welcoming cafe in scenic katoomba.
check it out on the web.
-
-
alfie
Hello Oz et al,
Yes there was a time when I truly believed that #1 was the reason that witnesses pitched in and rendered aid, but my thinking for a long while now has prompted me to ask why just to fellow witnesses and few if any others, and why only in times of crises as opposed to regularly. I try to temper these thoughts however, by recalling many witnesses I knew personally, who would show kindness to anybody at any time and reassure myself that these folks practiced this genuine caring in spite of the policy of the WBTS.
alfie
-
-
-
alfie
Mash is and always will be my #1 choice for favourite TV shows, then I'm very partial to DaVinci's Inquest, a Canadian drama based on the professional life of a former Vancouver, B.C. coroner. After those two, I usually enjoy most sitcoms produced prior to the 1980's and just about any British comedy.
alfie
-
3
Is this a stretch?
by alfie ini was thinking today about the warnings th wbts gives publishers about not buying used articles especially from people or stores run by religious organizations.
their concern that any item purchased may be demonized made me wonder if the reverse could be true.
if a loyal witness happened to have, say a garage sale, or they donated something to a thrift store, or some similar situation, i was wondering if the purchaser of that same article might have their mind and/or heart opened, and accept a jw bible study, or maybe just have their life affected for the better.
-
-
alfie
I was thinking today about the warnings th WBTS gives publishers about not buying used articles especially from people or stores run by religious organizations. Their concern that any item purchased may be demonized made me wonder if the reverse could be true. If a loyal witness happened to have, say a garage sale, or they donated something to a thrift store, or some similar situation, I was wondering if the purchaser of that same article might have their mind and/or heart opened, and accept a JW bible study, or maybe just have their life affected for the better. I know; I'm really reaching with this one.
alfie
-
22
Ozzie's Weekend Poll #30
by ozziepost intime for #30!
but "first things first", so we gotta ask, how's your weekend going?
here in oz, it's late sunday evening, yet you guys in europe (and that includes youse poms!
-
-
alfie
OOPS!! Sorry about that. I guess I didn't read the fine print. I'll try again.
#'s 3&8. As I work in a job where there are a lot of regular clients and I get to know many of them personally, each Christmas I would get several(20 or more at least) cards along with assorted gifts. Trying to sound as grateful as I could, I accepted them. My wife would always look at them when I got home, but of course we would then discard the cards,(never the gifts though) and I'd vow to explain the next year why I couldn't accept these expressions of kindness and appreciation. That never seemed to happen though, and the gifts and cards kept right on coming.God, what a hypocrite!
Anyway, that's all behind us now,n'est ce pas? LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!!!!
alfie
-
22
Ozzie's Weekend Poll #30
by ozziepost intime for #30!
but "first things first", so we gotta ask, how's your weekend going?
here in oz, it's late sunday evening, yet you guys in europe (and that includes youse poms!
-
-
alfie
Good Morrow good sir, 'tis rather early A.M. here on Canada's West Coast. I'm about to head off to Neverland,but had to do some touchups on our Christmas display. The Mrs. and I are into miniatures and we've started what we hope will become a tradition here. We set up a Yuletide Village complete with working train and woodland creatures and snow, right in our living room. Each year we'll add another piece or pieces. I was just doing some fine tuning on this years edition and thought I'd check out your Poll question for the week. The answer is #11. As part of our overall Festive decor, we hang all the Christmas cards we receive on a red and green ribbon strung across our dining room wall. This way we can always see them and anyone visiting is welcome to browse and enjoy the greetings from others. As our families are all non-witnesses(and there are a lot of relatives) we get quite a number of cards.Needless to say there is also a huge variety and together they make quite a display.
P.S. These polls you do Oz are great fun. Keep it up!
alfie
Edited by - alfie on 15 December 2002 6:8:45
-
The Miracle of Toilet Paper
by alfie infresh from her shower, a woman stands in front.
of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts.
are too small.
-
alfie
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of telling her characteristically that it is not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you
want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds".
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches the piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?", she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years", he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again -
25
Beware! Xmas Morning ELDER attacks!
by LovesDubs infor those of you trying to sneak out the back door without being dfd or dad...and plan to do holidays, please remember that the jws are tightening their grip on detractors and those who think they can leave without consequences and they will come to your door christmas morning to try to catch you!
i have heard of this countless times since leaving in jan 97. keep everything that might incriminate you away from the front door!!
and that includes your kids whom they will ask direct questions to!edited by - lovesdubs on 12 december 2002 14:23:44.
-
-
alfie
We're not too worried about any visits on Christmas Day. We live in a secured highrise, way up near the top and by the time anybody got here, the holiday would be over. Besides that, they'd only have to see our suite door all decked out with snowmen, bells, and other festive decor and a committee would be convened right then and there. Tough luck eh?
alfie
-
19
Ozzie's Weekend Poll #29
by ozziepost inhow's your weekend going (or gone!
mrs ozzie and i have had a very pleasant sunday, joined by prisca, and looking through holiday photos from our r&r.
yes, that "exotic location", mulan!!
-
-
alfie
I knew a lot of Christmas Carols because I was not raised a witness. Not only did I want to sing them while a witness, I often did sing them, occasionally changing the words. I did this for two reasons:
1: I thought this might make fellow witnesses think I was mocking the songs.
2: I usually couldn't remember all the words without a program anyway.
alfie
-
17
Roommates from hell
by LivefromNY2003 inanybody have any crazy stories about roommates from hell?
i had one who refused to move so i finally had to.
-
-
alfie
A long time ago, in another place, I shared a place with a buddy who never did his dishes, especially pots and pans. One day I needed a frying pan(we had five in the place). I couldn't find ONE! Finally I looked in the oven, and there were all five dirty and stacked one atop another. I was a wee bit choked. The one thing that really drove me crazy was his fiance's habit of preaching to me. They were "born again" and I was just about anything but what they were. I drank, smoked, caroused, anything that brought me carnal pleasure was fair game. My buddy and I shared a one bedroom apartment and I slept in the living room.I slept in the raw(still do). Janice (my buddy's fiance) used to pick him up for church on Sunday mornings. I naturally, was usually still sleeping, or hung over or whatever. When I was conscious, Janice would lecture me on EVIL things like drinking, smoking, carousing, or whatever her SIN OF THE DAY happened to be. I finally got tired of it all one Sunday and jumped out of bed, grabbed her and gave her one monstrous, juicy kiss. Man the look on her face and the colour of her blush was SO red, that she never preached to me again. That solved one problem with my roommate. His being a slob, I think he probably still is one.
alfie