To “Kikura”: Welcome to the Board! I can identify with your situation having close family ties in the JWs and having different kinds of struggles regarding the religion (‘still holding to the teachings you were raised in’) and with your own personal identity. We are somewhat similar in age (I’m 47 years old). With me, I would love to be able to do a proper fade but I’m still physically stuck living under my folks’ roof right now. But non-physically I have left it in my heart about 15 years ago, as I have been discovering many eye-opening things about the organization that I never knew before beginning my online investigation.
It’s good that you were able to step out of the JW grind for a good while, and it’s a good, healthy sign that you are on a Web site such as this.
My advice to you would be to continue an open an honest investigation into the WT organization, including its doctrinal history and policy record. Check out different Web sites and gather information. In addition to getting the technical facts, also get a cross-section of personal perspectives of those whose lives have been affected by the WT’s teachings and policies. You will find that there are certainly many stories from many people in various levels of attachment to, and various stages of fading from, the JW religion, and that there is much understandable justification in the various ways in which profound anger, disgust, and a sense of betrayal is expressed on this site.
Be prepared to come across strong venting of emotions that have been building up inside people, some for quite a number of years, as they discover what we call “the truth about the truth,” or “TTATT.” You will find that this site is quite informative and is an excellent open forum for mutual support. Our fast-growing community of people seeking factual clarification, insight, and sometimes just a sense of closure benefits from the support and enlightenment which can only be found among those who truly and intimately know our unique common experience.