Posts by scaredtospeak

12

The "overly attached witness parents" problem

by scaredtospeak in

it's so good to finally be nineteen years old.

graduated from high school, taken more seriously as an adult.

i even have a job.

scaredtospeak

It's so good to finally be nineteen years old. Graduated from high school, taken more seriously as an adult. I even have a job. With these things going for me, I've been frank with my friends and family- I'm planning to move out, hopefully in about a year.

except I'm the baby of the family, and my parents are freaking out. They think I should stay at home for a few more years, which I might consider except:

a. I hate this town

b. I'm in a long distance relationship that I no longer want to be long distance

and, c. My parents are active Jehovah's Witnesses, and I'm an active apostate.

Two years ago, when I was reproved, I didn't think I had a choice except to pretend like I was regaining spiritual health. I've restored my status in the congregation to the same it was at before. but I haven't believed in any of the watchtower doctrine in over three years.

I have the means to Move back to the state where I grew up. Two of my older brothers (that want nothing to do with the church) live there, as does my boyfriend of two years.

I don't know how to escape the crushing grasp that my parents have on my life. My biggest problem is that I genuinely love my Mom and Dad. They're good people. If they were mean and oppressive I might be able to bring myself to hate them and leave out of spite. But they treat me well. I don't want to hurt them, but I deserve my own life. Away from the church.

How do I overcome my fear of their disappointment and heartbreak so I can start my own life? Please help.

51

My first post

by thewalker in

jw
friends

hi, i just joined the board and wanted to present myself.. i'm active, in fact very active in congregation activities serving "where the need is great" in a foreign language congregation somewhere in western europe.

as a young brother, i'm seen as an example as i'm doing all a good witness should do.. i had doubts years ago but i decided just to ignore them and move to another congregation to preach more.

that worked for some years but i'm now at the exact same point.

scaredtospeak

Welcome. This is the place to express yourself. When I joined a few years back people were very receptive and you have the opportunity to share your doubts here.

40

Creepy things jw's have said to you

by purrpurr in

jw
friends

here's mine: i'm 14 years old, just baptised and a old boy married elder of about 60 odd comes up to me and says " ooooooooooh!

"purrpurr"!

your getting such a lovely figure on you!

scaredtospeak

I've had quite a few creepy things said to me. Mostly by elders and older ministerial servants. I'm a 19 year old female.

A year back or so I was reproved for smoking weed and having sex, but the elders also talked to me about the way I dress for meeting.

I would just like to say that there are many young women in my hall (and older women!) who wear THE SAME THINGS as me. but the elders have continued to pester me about it. And you know what they always say?

"We need to keep the young men in our hall looking in the right places."

or, "We don't need you driving the young men in this hall crazy."

the worst part of it is that I know they're staring at my body and it gives me the absolute creeps.

40

So I'm going through a really difficult time right now.

by scaredtospeak in

i was publicly reproved last year and the elders have taken their sweet time in reinstating my "privileges".

it's been six months and i can't answer at the meetings or participate in the theocratic ministry school.

in all honesty- i don't care about the privileges.

scaredtospeak

@ wannabefree - your message is actually really comforting, so thank you. At times, it just gets more difficult to play pretend. But you make a good point.

@Just Kidding - for several reasons. Mostly because of involvement with a guy at school and then with a young brother in another congregation. Some minor stuff, too.

40

So I'm going through a really difficult time right now.

by scaredtospeak in

i was publicly reproved last year and the elders have taken their sweet time in reinstating my "privileges".

it's been six months and i can't answer at the meetings or participate in the theocratic ministry school.

in all honesty- i don't care about the privileges.

scaredtospeak

I was publicly reproved last year and the elders have taken their sweet time in reinstating my "privileges". It's been six months and I can't answer at the meetings or participate in the Theocratic Ministry school.

In all honesty- I don't care about the privileges. I don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore. But I'm eighteen and I still live at home. Until I'm financially independent, I can't control whether or not I'm active in the congregation. Ever since my doubts started to surface my mom repeats the same hopeful attitude over and over- "keep an open mind". She went so far as to tell me to "stop taking in outside information" about the JW's.

I'm just really struggling with keeping up the facade. It's starting to make me feel depressed every time I go to the meetings. I had another meeting with the elders tonight and they still won't give me privileges back because i'm not "paying enough attention" during the meetings and my apparel is evidently distracting the hormone-ridden teenage boys. They actually said that to me- a sixty year old man told me I was dressing too provocatively, which is probably the creepiest thing in the world.

I'm so sick of everything and I could really use some words of encouragement. Has anyone shared my struggle?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

13

DF=death

by doneandout in

jw
friends

our last midweek meeting was going along as planed, then after the last talk, an elder was called up to say: member x is no longer a jw, please sing.... after the song it was silent (compared to todays were people started talk right away) and the father had his head down with someones hand on his back.

i didn't catch what they were saying, but the pose said: i'm sorry for your loss.. it was a weird night thinking how leaving a religion could couse such sadnness.. jw.org.

scaredtospeak

Tonight my brother went to meet with the elders. My mom sent me a text with a frowny-face attached. Sky is going to see the elders :(

I don't know why, but it caused all this anger to well up inside of me.

Actually, I do know why. A few months ago, I was the one who had to go meet with the elders. I was publicly reproved. The anxiety and guilt I went through- I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't even desire to be a Jehovah's Witness any longer and yet- due to my pre-18 status- I didn't really have a choice. I could only promise the elders that I wouldn't shatter the laws of Jehovah any longer, and the words were like vinegar spewing from my mouth.

It's all taken so seriously in the JW cult. Every little thing contributes to a grand fate that appears to be just moments away. Armageddon is this looming presence, as you say- disfellowshipping means death. And my brother doesn't quite have the luxury of being free of WT doctrine, so I know that he's probably crying in his car, contemplating his own fiery death.

It just makes me so... angry.

64

First Post - Emotionally Torn

by scaredtospeak in

i haven't been on here long but i found this site a couple days ago and quickly realised it had a lot of posts by people going through similar experiences as me.

i read some of the answers and it helped relieve some inner anguish i've been carrying since everything i came clean to my parents about everything i've been reading about.. .

i just have been going through a rough patch right now; that might be an under or overstatement depending on your own personal experiences with this kind of stuff.

scaredtospeak

Thanks so much everybody. Already I'm feeling a lot better.

64

First Post - Emotionally Torn

by scaredtospeak in

i haven't been on here long but i found this site a couple days ago and quickly realised it had a lot of posts by people going through similar experiences as me.

i read some of the answers and it helped relieve some inner anguish i've been carrying since everything i came clean to my parents about everything i've been reading about.. .

i just have been going through a rough patch right now; that might be an under or overstatement depending on your own personal experiences with this kind of stuff.

scaredtospeak

Hello everybody. I haven't been on here long but I found this site a couple days ago and quickly realised it had a lot of posts by people going through similar experiences as me. I read some of the answers and it helped relieve some inner anguish I've been carrying since everything I came clean to my parents about everything I've been reading about.

I just have been going through a rough patch right now; that might be an under or overstatement depending on your own personal experiences with this kind of stuff. How it all started, in short - I was in biology sophomore year and started leaning more towards evolution than creation as an explanation for the origin of life.

I feel like this was really the source of my original doubts about the Jehovah's Witnesses organisation as "the truth". When I started doing personal research I stumbled upon JWFacts.com. Originally, I clicked out because it struck me as apostate material and I immediately assumed it wasn't factual.

Once I let myself read a few articles I realised something else- it seemed all very factual. Using just the resource of the vast and endless internet I double/triple checked every fact I read on jwfacts and they were all 100% valid.

I was also doing personal reserach on evolutionary biology and other fields of science that backed it up. But I felt guilty- I FEEL guilty every day. Because I was raised my whole life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and now my parents are acting like this is all a crisis. Initially, I hid everything from them. Recently, however, two of my elder brothers left "the truth" and moved away, telling my parents they weren't interested any longer. My parents pulled me aside and asked if I shared any of their doubts, and well, I was honest.

This "crisis" is now a ginormous elephant in the room every time I spend time with my parents. I feel sick at my stomach every time they want to "talk about it". I have plenty of conviction, and plenty of reasons why I don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness, but every time they look at me I feel downright criminal- like some sort of murderer. They make me feel incredibly guilty about the choices I'm making to think for myself. My mother sent me a really long email about how she feels that Satan has his grasp on me right now. That I'm on a stage for Satan and Jehovah and I have to make my choice. She also asked me to stop reading all the material I have been that "contradicts God's word", and see if I change my mind by the end of the summer.

But I don't want to do that; all the material from the WTS seems heavily propaganda-fied. Why is it SO wrong for me to seek out "secular" perspective on the matter? I'm aware of biases, but isn't that the same principle for WT material? Isn't their material even moreso biased- to convince me that Jehovah's Witnesses are the ONE TRUE organisation, despite records of doctrine change, political involvement, lies and misquotes?

If anyone replies to this, I just want to know that someone out there has been through something like this and that maybe all this anguish and depression and feeling hopeless will go away. The only reason I feel so sad is because I have this dread that I'm choosing between my life and my family's happiness. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should choose what I've learned or give in to this incredibly powerful pull from my parents to go back to mindless submission.

Please, anybody.