Why is it so hard for me to say good bye and go on with my life?
You might want to give us a little background info...on yourself and your sitch.
Welcome...and please stick around and glean something good for yourself....it's free here on JWD.
I'm 18 just graduated from high school and stuck. I pioneered i mean am pioneering i thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but now im stuck. I wanted to go to school to be a pharmacists my life long dream. NO! i was talked out of it by CO's elders and my mother saying that its not spiritual to go to college because you want to love a life comfortably and with money. thats not it ive been hiding my true self for about 3 years now do i ever dream of coming out and telling my peers, family, or anyone about me being a lesbian, can i ever come out i dont think so. I've been apart of the org since i was born, i know nothing else, i have no where to turn no where else to go. ive been severely depressed for about 3 years now. i cant talk to anyone even my closest peers will ostracize me for being or thinking what i do. im stuck. I wish i could be dead, i cant love my lofe, be happy, or talk openly about anything, what will i do now? i need help. i feel as though no one is there for me no one else can help me, i dont have jehovahs' blessing or backing i have no one. it wouldbe so much easier if i was dead my soul already is. i need help.
Maybe you aren't familiar with how the forum works.
Click on "reply" at the bottom of the page, then click on the white box under the "paragraph..."font"...."size" etc. and write why you asked the question of "why is it so hard for me......"
Hope this helps.
Please keep posting here. There are many people here who will listen nonjudgmentally, who will offer solid advice. You are not alone.
You are young, you can still do whatever you decide to. Talk to the serious people here they can help you ( I´m just a jacka$$). Read around the forum. The "best of" part is really good reading to start with.
Sorry, Confused, I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, in case you were thinking that. I really thought you might not know how to post, seeing you made two blank posts.
Stick around here, we are all friends, and we help everybody that asks for it. You will get a lot of support here.
Sorry you are having a bad time. Remember, you are only 18? You have a lot of time to work things out to your benefit.
Wish I could help more, but there are others here that can give you lots of good meaning to your life.
Welcome to the board.
You are NOT alone...in this regard.
You have been taught "from infancy" on how to live a truly double life...
You are who you ARE...lying and putting on a facade doesn't and won't change that.
Please, please stay here and read A LOT... you will find comfort and you will learn that what "the truth" told you is in fact A LIE!!!
There IS life after the WTS...lots of life...and new friends to be made EVERYWHERE!!!
Hang in there.
I am new here as well and even though I haven't been a witness in 11 years this place has been great in seeing that there are other people out there that have gone through or are going through similar things.
Hugs to you Confused. You've come to the right place. So many of us have gone through the pain and agony of hiding who we are while in the organization. And the "wish I were dead" feelings you described are so familiar. Many of us have prayed for death on more than one occasion while in the organization. Regardless of what you've been raised to believe in the org, Jehovah does indeed love you. So much so that he sent his son to die for you and I so we might have hope. Please remember that.
You are not alone. Please continue to post here. We're listening.