That first step towards leaving the organisation is the hardest. If you think you're a lesbian, then you've already started taking that step by admitting it to yourself, you just have to finish it. Trust me, once you're out the grey skies will finally seem clear, and you'll see a way forward in life.
Why is it so hard for me to say good bye and go on with my life?
You are reaching out. You see a new day. You see the sunshine ahead. Things will change, open up, love and listen, learn and flow. You are on a path out of the dark. My blessings go with you. Stay around, there are many great people here.
Welcome to the board. Here you are among friends. Many of us differ in beliefs, which is proof enough to me that there is not "one true path".
Not going to college is something many of us regret. You may have to work hard, but you can still do it. You may even qualify for grants. Almost certainly you can get loans.
Congratulations on understanding your own sexuality better than a bunch of men who don't have sex do. If you still feel that the Bible is inspired by God, try reading the book of Ruth with a critical eye. Were Ruth and Naomi really "just friends"? :D
I think you answered your own question. The reason you have been depressed and confused these past three years is because you suppressed the real you. For health and sanity, you have to enter pharmacy school. Do it. Here's a scripture for your JW family, Luke 19:11-26 don't hide the talents God gave you!
You need an outlet to express yourself. You know it is a waste on your JW family. So do it here. Find and join a local support group. It can be ex-JW or lesbian or pharmacy study group it doesn't matter. You need to be with like minds to keep your sanity.
Is this group still active? http://groups.msn.com/GayexJehovahsWitnesses
Welcome to the board Confused!
There are many caring and loving people here who will listen and not judge and who will help if we can!
Don't give up, keep posting, it will take time. Just take babysteps!
I'm 34 and sometimes wish I could go back and change things. Education, learn to love and live early on. I take heart from those (some of whom I've met) on here who are 60 or 70 and decided it wasn't the "truth". God bless them.
Confused and Spectre, Welcome!
Confused... your life is worth living. It sounds to me in your post that you really want to. So do. You are young. In many ways I felt the same way you do now, when I was your age. Trust me, suicide is not the solution.
Are you working? Are you in a possition to go to school and do what you really want? Or are you living at home and still pioneering?
I was pull out of school after my sophomore year in 1973 to go into the ministry because we had only 2 years left before Armageddon. Well, guess what? Another failed prophesy!
Without even a HS education I got work as a file clerk. I eventually worked my way into being a check typist, secretary, then computers came in and I actually read the DOS 2.2 manual cover to cover, and learned how to actually use that box on my desk! I eventually wormed my way into the software industry as a support tech, and worked with in and around computer industry for 15 years!
But it is all one step at a time. And it's scary. Especially without the support of your family and friends.
Many of us here have done just that.
You'll be ok.
Stick around, there's lots to learn here and many who will listen and ofter good suggestions.
When I was 18 I had been taught the same things. Armagedon was only a few years away and it was a waste of time getting an education. Like many I missed out on getting that education and that was one of the stupidest descisions I ever made. I am 53 years old, poorly educated and their 'Paradise' isn't here.
It is not wrong to leave the teachings of a religion that makes false prophesies. See Deut. 18: 20-22.
Ok, so you will lose your support group and nearly all of your friends. You are only 18. You will make new friends, lots of them. Friends who's love isn't conditional on your beliefs and obedience in an ever changing religion as it stumbles from one cockup to the next.
Your friends and family will try to make life very difficult for you. I would suggest that you get away from them and follow your life long dream. Be a pharmacist.
Don't let them control you. Don't live a double life. Life is good. Life outside the Watchtower is good. Live life to the full.
Confused - welcome to the board. You've taken the first and most important step in finding people like you. There are a good number of folks on this board who have been through the same things. I'm gay too and have been struggling with the same issues of coming out. I know it's tough. I haven't completely come out either, but being able to talk to just one person about it is liberating! You're 18 and there's a lot to live for and a lot of time to live it. You have all the time in the world to change your path!
Sometimes when you are 18 years old life can seem to have no meaning or hope. I was raised Catholic and felt that way. From the sound of your post you know yourself pretty well and have goals you want to reach. That is wonderful. You can reach your goals. It may take some time but it will happen. I know things seem really overwhelming right now but you have made a great start by coming here and reaching out for help. Also too here you will get some great advice from those who have already been through similar experiences as you. Since you are 18 you have more options than someone who isn't legally an adult. You can get a job to save money for school, you can apply for grants or loans, you can choose a school that will fit your needs, and you can make friends who will support your decisions. Also when ready you can move out and on with your life. You have so many great opportunities ahead of you and not the least of which is learning that God does love you with no strings attached.