Oh Craig Really Do you have to ask these hard questions?
How do I know?
From as early as I can remember I spent my life blending into the walls so as not to be beaten or yelled at. A few years ago I was talking to someone I was friends with when we were about 8 years old. I asked her how she would have described me back then. She told me I just sorted disappeared into the walls. So that perception of myself was confirmed.
I find it really odd that I should have enjoyed interpreting (sign language) so much. I loved it. It was the first time in my life that I had a reason to come alive. For me signing was a total body experience. My face came alive and my eyes sparkled. People say they loved to watch me (ask Mouthy). It is probably why they asked me to sign most of the important talks. I was ab,e to convey feeling in the message - something that few other interpreters we had could do. I loved it.
But once I was off the blending into the background would happen again and I would sit and wait for my turn next.
Then I left the JWs and went into therapy and back to school. I was working on myself and slowly coming out of my shell. And I found a passion for the work I do with survivors of abuse. Put me in front of a classroom and I can talk non-stop for 2-3 hours. What fascinates me is that even when the class is over people don't want to stop. They want to keep going and have a question and answer period. (I guess I must be doing something right.) Again I come alive.
But in interpreting and lecturing I am in control. Put me in a room of people and I want to disappear. I'm still working on this one