stilla:
But at certain times I just have to be a little less honest than normal
Why?
Honesty is the best policy
by ballistic 25 Replies latest jw friends
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onacruse
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stillajwexelder
if I am asked an awkwar question and I do not want to hurt any feelings
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Low-Key Lysmith
I agree with stilla. If I told my gf that her butt looked big in a certain outfit, she would turn my jumblies into a cat-toy.
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onacruse
stilla:
if I am asked an awkwar question and I do not want to hurt any feelings
I'm not out to cut your throat here, but let me just ask this: You don't want to hurt someone's feelings because they ask an "awkward" question, and you tell them a mistruth (read lie) to cover that fact of life? How in God's heaven do you think that will protect them from the reality of what is? If they have a fat butt, then they have a fat butt, end of discussion. I have an over-belly, and weak legs, and a balding pate. Do you think I give one flying gooseturd that someone tells me that I have six-pack abs, a great looking butt, and a magnificent head of hair? Give me a break.
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stillajwexelder
. Do you think I give one flying gooseturd that someone tells me that I have six-pack abs, a great looking butt, and a magnificent head of hair? Give me a break. No - and nor do I give one flying gooseturd- but you and I are different than other people. Some peoples feelings are much more easily hurt than others. I do not give a shit if sonmebody insults me - the more they do it the more I insult myself. It is no big deal. But you tell something that may be the truth to somebody who is very sensitive and you can do a lot of damage. So with all due respect . YOU GIVE ME A BREAK
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onacruse
stilla:
Well, it seems to me that you that you're in a somewhat combative mood about this...so let's go at it.
But you tell something that may be the truth to somebody who is very sensitive and you can do a lot of damage.
Are you honestly saying that depriving the truth from someone, simply because they're "sensitive," is better than the damage you do to them by coddling their misconceptions about themselves?
If I may be so bold as to offer this perspective: Your reluctance about such honesty is a reflection within yourself, which is why you're still an elder (as you say), in spite of your reservations.
If I may be so much bolder as to offer this perspective: You are protecting your religion, even as did I, even in the face of the most deeply contradictory evidence of Biblical investigation and personal experience.
You've been there, I've been there, and S. has been there. Why not face it?
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OldSoul
There is a difference between honesty and cruel honesty. Honesty sometimes requires a foundation. In construction, a foundation is an example of thinking ahead and putting something in place to avoid future problems. A foundation for honesty may involve thinking ahead to avoid the impression of cruel honesty.
For example: My policy has always been to make known that I am an honest person very early on. I discuss with people that I will tell it as I see it unless they specifically ask me to do otherwise. If I couch something in softer terms, it is for the purpose of making the honest expression less acute. I don't water down the honesty though.
If my wife asks me my opinion about clothing I give it to her. I built this basis for our communication when we started dating. I told her, "If I lie to you in little things, you can't trust me in big things. If you ask me my opinion I am going to give you my opinion. Otherwise, how can you know whether to believe me when I tell you I love you?"
A foundation. It has helped us a lot, especially now that I am fading. We are able to maintain a fair degree of stability in our relationship judging from what I read here.
Respectfully,
OldSoul -
OldSoul
onacruse,
I think he is still a jw ex-elder. If I understood his name correctly.
OldSoul
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onacruse
fwiw, I would offer this ancient thread as an example of what honesty draws out of your soul, cold and hard and like a knife-blade; a discussion that will live in my mind to my dying day.
This discussion, and off-line discussions, scared the petuckey-juice outta my soul.
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Robdar
I used to think that honesty is the best policy. Unfortunately, most people that I have met cannot handle honesty even though they ask for it. Most people just want you to agree with their opinions. They don't really want your honest opinion and will badger you and verbally beat you down until you agree with them. .