Should I get Disfellowshipped? (sorry, it's excommunicated, now)

by Lilycurly 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lilycurly

  My mother and I have been baptised, and we both faded. Without a try from anyone, elder or other to get us back. The thing is, my father is still in. And even though he knows I go on apostate sites daily, read and talk apostate with my mom and did all kind of stuff worthy of Disfellowshipment, I am still in. It seems that he lives in his little world where I am only "inactive". That's what he considers my mother and I, inactives.

  After my mother and I talked about that, she asked him why we were both considered inactive JWs when we clearly werent. And also asked him if I was to get DF, would he not talk to me. (As I dont live with them, he shouldn't, right?) He closed up and said he didn't know, he'd have to research! Research!? Isn't that a common, painful fact amongst JW that you just don't communicate with DF family? I can't beleive that my dad, who obediently reads every darn article and book wouldn't know that. I am suspecting that he just couldn't face the fact that he'd have to ignore me. We have always had a connection, he wouldn't be abble.

  So my mother wondered if it would help him to see the mistake he is part of, if I got myself DF on purpose. If something truly challenging like ignoring his first born child would be the final blow for him. Something he would finally find the strenght to disagree with. Keep in mind that my father is the kinf of JW that went to see "The Exorsism of Emily Rose" a few days ago. Lets the CoC book lying on his desk where I put it without burning it and cries when he sees "The Lion King". This is the complicated kind of man we are talking about...
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  AlmostAtheist

  If you get DF'd and he sides with the Watchtower, you've lost him forever. Is that a risk you're willing to take?

  Maybe you could draw him out on it more subtly. For instance, my wife's parents have made it clear that they will no longer speak to her if she is ever DF/DA. And they don't speak to her sister that was DF'd a few months ago, even when she gave birth to their grandchild. You could ask him about that, "Is that really what the Watchtower expects of them? What scriptures do they use to back that up?"

  Sometimes it's easier to talk about a third party than to talk about yourself. Easier to ignore, too, though. Good luck!

  Dave
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  Lilycurly

  Yes...of course, I don't want to loose him. I still love him a lot. But I have a feeling that we would still talk to me, after all, like I said, he does things like watching demonic movies when most wouldn't even see Lord of the Rings! Why not talk to his own daughter. He perfectly knows that even now, I'm as good as DA or DF, but makes nothing of it...

  And anyone know why he told us the word wasn't DF anymore, but excommunicated? Is that new? I thought they wanted to be different then the other christians?
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  ColdRedRain

  So that's what the newspeak is these days! Excommunicated!
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  joelbear

  i fear your plan will not work.
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  Lilycurly

  Why not? Maybe it could make him think? Of course, I need to thin a lot too, don't want to act too fast, this is kind of a non-coming back thing.
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  anewme

  My advice is no. Why would you want to test your sweet father like that? He has enough already to deal with it sounds like. You are getting along quite well somehow, why not leave it? Disfellowshipping is no laughing matter. True, you may laugh at first, but the thrill of it wears off fast.
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  Lilycurly

  I know, but it hurts me so much to see him part of this religion, he's messing up not only his life, but his wife's, his two grown up daughter's and two young son's. If it was only affecting him, I wouldn't object....
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  Bstndance

  I have almost the same situation. I was baptized nine years ago and left two years after that. I never received any calls from elders or anything and as far as I know I'm just inactive. I do many things that are worthy of DFing that are common knowledge to my family but I hear nothing. A couple of years ago my mom tried pulling the "if you don't do something about the truth I really shouldn't be talking to you". I said "whatever makes you happy" and didn't call her or answer her calls for 2 months. Our relationship is fine now, but once in awhile I just want to write a DA letter or something to finally get totally out. But on the other hand I try to live a mostly drama free life and just let my parents do what they do as long as I can do what I do.
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  jgnat

  Excommunicated. That's news to me.

  I'd never sin just to get on the DF list. Just DA if you have to. But again, I wouldn't give an ultimatum to your dad. All that has to happen is the WT puts out an ultra-conservative article that DEMANDS that parents shun their non-JW children, and you are sunk. Read some of Elsewhere's posts to read the agony of that kind of knee-jerk thinking.

  I like AlmostAthiest's idea of giving him lots of "suppose" examples of other people to help sharpen his thinking.

  Of course he's avoiding the subject. The prospect of shunning is far too painful. It is much more comfortable to live in his delusion.