I Am Sick Of Going To Kid's B-Days !! (page 2)

upside/down

ff...gotcha

my comment wasn't "aimed" at you...I shoulda been more clear...sorry.

u/d

rebel8

Invitations are not supposed to be subpoenas. People are not supposed to get their panties in a bundle if you say no, and you don't owe them an explanation.

We all know with family they do get upset though. Then again, some childfrees would get mad if they were excluded.

So I propose the following solution. Hosts--invite the childrees but say a disclaimer, ie, "Johnny's b'day party is Saturday. You are more than welcome to come. I know it's not very exciting for grown-ups, so please know I will understand if you decide to skip it or to just stop in briefly."

Great solution. Now it's out in the open and there's no pressure.

hillbilly

I just say my sores are open and un-invite myself................

~Hill

Finally-Free

u/d, I wasn't taking offense. Sorry if I gave that impression. You make a valid point about the trait of "true christians". Many JWs will say they don't celebrate holidays or b-days but give gifts at other times. I've never seen that happen.

Invitations are not supposed to be subpoenas.

That's pretty much what it takes to get me out of the house these days. I had no social life as a JW, and I guess I grew it like it that way.

I just say my sores are open and un-invite myself................

Now I really like this one. I can't wait for a chance to use it.

W

Billygoat

I don't mean to be a hard-ass about it, but an invitation is just that...an invitation. It's not a subpoena. If you don't want to go, don't go. If you feel guilty about it, then those are YOUR emotions, not hers. I cannot complain when I feel obligated to go to something I don't want to go to. I'm not a 6 year old being dragged to a bookstudy or meeting anymore. I'm a thirty-something adult that has a life, which does not include spending loads of money on someone I don't know. If someone else has an issue with that, then it's their issue - not mine. And if they take issue with it and/or are rude about it, then perhaps they aren't as good of friends as I thought they were.

If it's too scary to think about it that way, there are all kinds of nicey white lies you can give to not go.

"Oh, I just got your invitation to Suzy's 3rd birthday party, but...

...my executive VP is in town that week and our staff dinner is that night." Or...

...I have a wedding to attend that day." Or...

...I have a huge project I'm working on at work and that night is the deadline. I know I'll be working late." Or...

...I have family in town that weekend."

You don't even have to say the lie if you just want to say you've "got plans". Those plans may be to sit on your butt and watch As the World Turns, but they're plans.

"Oh, I just got your invitation to Suzy's 3rd birthday party, but I've already got plans that afternoon."

I just don't understand it when people complain about getting invitations to something they don't want to attend. Why be controlled by family, friends, or office workers. Give your regrets and don't go. It just seems so simple to me.

rebel8

I am like you Billygoat, and I don't feel bad when not attending events. I don't feel bad when I know some relatives are badmouthing me for not going either, because as I explain to my husband, etiquette doesn't require me to attend......and if they have a problem it's their problem, not mine.

However, there are some traditions in families that are really strong and some people get really, really hurt if you don't show up....they feel they are being snubbed. In my case, when I stopped attending I was a newlywed and felt then was the time to nip the tradition in the bud rather than abandoning it later on and possibly hurt people's feelings even more.

All etiquette requires is an rsvp and a thanks for the invitation. No explanation is required. However, most people do not realize this and feel insulted when invitations are turned down. Thus, I can understand why some would choose to attend events...to keep the peace so to speak...

Jeannine

Well, it is not the invitation that bothers me, or the spending money to get the gift. I always appreciate the invite and like I've stated, sometimes I take them up on the invitation and sometimes I don't. I like gift giving anyway, so to send a gift isn't the big deal to me. What freaks me out is that my friend never once stopped to think, "Gee, maybe I'm pushing my friends to attend 3 boring kids B-day parties a year and should chill out on it. I know they are busy people with lives and they can't be enjoying these parties. Maybe its time I stopped making it a big deal. Maybe its time I just invited my kids friends." That is the only part that freaks me out....the lack of empathy on their part. A wedding is one thing...as it is a one-time event. But, THREE b-day parties every year for three kids all the way up to their teenage years? I could understand getting invited every couple of years to an "extra special" or themed party, or a sweet 16th party. However, that is not the case with my friend. My friend has "gather around the table and sing Happy Birthday to little Jane before we pass out coloring book parties". Why in the world would you invite your adult friend to that; year after year after year? Maybe I would have to have kids myself to understand this.

Doubtfully Yours

Fringe benefits???!!!

I'm kind of glad JWs don't celebrate birthdays in this regard. Everyday is somebody's birthday! Not celebrating them is a real plus. Or is it that I'm stingy and careless of other people's feelings?!

Now I'm thoroughly confused.

DY

talesin

This thread is a blast! I am of the 'just say no' kind. If I wanna go, I say yes. Works for me.

t

AnnOMaly

Book something on some of those days. Arrange to meet a friend you rarely get to see, reserve tickets for a show, be out of town on a short vacation. Go to the next b'day. Miss the next one or whatever. And so on. Plan the ones you want to skip and the ones you want to attend. Send a gift through the mail or visit the day before with the gift and give your apologies. There have to be ways out of your misery.

I Am Sick Of Going To Kid's B-Days !!

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