My Beautiful Momma

by Billygoat 36 Replies latest members private

• 

  LyinEyes

  Mulan I read that book too, excellent book.

  Andi, I had a strange relationship with my Mother, she was the child and I was the mother, even at a very young age. She was only 15 yrs older than me.......lol, so she was a child herself when I was born. Our years together were strained due to her drug use, the JW stuff, and my father and her relationship.

  Thru all the horrible things, I could still see what a wonderful person she was, the person she could have been if only she would have made different choices. Still, there was alot missing in those years growing up at home, times we should have talked, things I wish I would have heard her say, but she didnt. Times I wanted her to hold me more and tell me , truly looking into my eyes that she adored me, that I was precious that I was so very loved. I truly don't remember her saying that much.

  So, you bet when I had my daughter I was going to tell her everyday what a treasure she is, how precious she is and I tell her how much I love her everyday. Even when she is trying to dress in all black , gothic and acts strange,,,,,,,,lol, I tell her I love her style, her own unique ways. My daughter and I have a harder time connecting than me and my boys , but I try extra hard with her, being the middle child too.
• 

  Billygoat

  So, you bet when I had my daughter I was going to tell her everyday what a treasure she is, how precious she is and I tell her how much I love her everyday. Even when she is trying to dress in all black , gothic and acts strange,,,,,,,,lol, I tell her I love her style, her own unique ways. My daughter and I have a harder time connecting than me and my boys , but I try extra hard with her, being the middle child too.

  ((((Dede))))

  This is so cool! I love hearing this. I was "different" when I was younger. I really felt like I didn't fit in anywhere as I grew up. I felt like an alien sometimes. LOL! But seriously, I would fantasize about not actually being a part of my family. That my real family was somewhere "out there" looking for me desperately, wanting to take me home. When I realized how much like my mother I looked like, I pretended that she had an affair on my father and that I really wasn't his kid. That my real father was an adoring father, wanting to help me with homework, take me out to eat, teach me how to rollerskate, someone who made an effort to tell and show me I was loved. When I really think about it, that's how my father was before he joined the JWs. I have fabulous memories of my dad back then. After he started studying is when things got bad. Strange when I think about it...I want my old dad back.

  Andi
• 

  LyinEyes

  I know what ya mean Andi, about wishing you had a different family. For me there was no way to deny that I was my father's daughter, looked so much like him. When my Mom and Dad divorced , my Mother actually told me it was hard for her to be around me because I looked so much like my Dad. That hurt very bad, but at that time we were being very honest with each other and trying to heal old and new wounds.

  Today, Sept, 15, she has been dead 20 years. Today has been hard because 20 years is a lifetime. She has missed out on so much and I have missed out on knowing her , wondering if she could have moved on from my Dad and JW, and her addicitons. Now, I just try to keep her memory alive in me by thinking of her when I see something she loved, hear a song, I even have a dance for her with my sister when we go to a club sometimes.

  Mother's and daughters never take each other forgranted, it is too precious.
• 

  Billygoat

  Today, Sept, 15, she has been dead 20 years. Today has been hard because 20 years is a lifetime.

  (((((Dede)))))) It is a lifetime Dede...a lifetime short enough to grow up too fast, huh?
• 

  prophesariah

  
  (((((((((( Lyingeyes )))))))))

  I also look like my father and my younger sister favors my mother. Our parents divorced when we were young 3-5years old. I truly believe I was treated differently by my mother whether consciously or subconsciously. I have always considered myself the black sheep in the family . My mom and I get along strangely, but she seems to click so well with my sister. I live right here in the city with my mom and our constant contact centers mainly around my son/her grandson. My sister lives in another state and their communication is more frequent and intimate. I will continue however, to keep the bridge of communication open between us in what ever capacity.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(((((((((( Andi ))))))))))

  You really do look so much like your mom. I can only imagine what it must have felt like growing up as a child and not being able to make a connection, in a physical appearance sense, with your family members. I hope and pray for your success in the pursuit of your mother and a hoped for opportunity to connect/reconnect with her and your family on her side.

  Love/Peace/Respect ~ 2 both of U
• 

  prophesariah

  
  I have two daughters of my own and we definitely get along differently. My oldest daughter is 25yrs old. She and I have gotten along better than I have with my youngest who is 22. The oldest one favors her father. The youngest one favors me in more ways than one. We have the most difficulty probably because she is so much like me. We tend to butt heads. She is very strong willed, stubborn, and opinionated. Between her father and myself I would say she gets it honestly and has been so since infancy.

  Our relationship has been wrought with many ugly battles both verbal and physical beginning in the teen years. It has taken a toll on my marriage because several incidents have occured between her and my husband. In fact I have often felt torn between my husband and my children ( they are not his) . This is a most uncomfortable and stressful position to be in. I hope our relations will improve over time with maturity on her part.

  Quite honestly,at this juncture, it would be better if we did not interact so frequently or closely.The longer we remain in close contact, the more potential for something negative to jump off. But, I find it difficult to express this to her . Nor do I want to lose all contact with her or my grandaughter. She is currently in a state of displacement and her presence has hubby teetering on the point of "I'm mad as hell and I can't take it any more". I know I'm going to have to immediately take a stand for my husband and face the wrath of my child.
• 

  prophesariah

  Sorry folks ~ BTTT

  I guess I needed to get this out.