by damselfly 42 Replies latest jw friends
I fart in elevators just before I get out.
One time, on my way to work, I got on the elevator in the basement to go to the 11th floor. I was the only one on there, so I let one rip. Naturally, the elevator stopped at the lobby, and a lady got on and pressed the 10th floor button. I think she must have caught a whiff, because all of a sudden, she changed her mind, and almost in a panic, she pressed the lower number buttons so she could get off sooner. I was really embarrased about that one...
I used to work at an Interior Design studio in Ft. Lauderdale. There was a client that used to come in, and he would always flirt with me, even though I wasn't interested in him. One day he came in, and there were other people in the studio, and he came up to me, and asked me out again, and the next thing you know, there was a metallic thud. His C**k ring had fallen off, travelled down his trousers, and landed on the hard wood floor, and did that swirly dance kinda like the way a coin does before it stops. Other people looked to see what it was, and he bent down and picked it up, and put it in his pocket. The looks on everyones faces were priceless, and needless to say, he never came back to the shop.
One size DOES NOT fit all...
At one firm, on my very first day after hiring, I was escorted by a pretty staffer from personnel and introduced to every department in the organization.
During the introductions, I could not figure out why everyone kept staring at my trousers, and/or looking down when they greeted me in return, thus, I returned to my desk very puzzled, until I looked down and noticed my zipper had been unzipped the entire morning!
I literally met all 250 employees from about 07:30AM until about 11:00AM and never realized my zipper was open! I have also repeated that mistake several times since then at super markets, banks, post offices, etc.
Hi, I"m Brenda and I'm an alcoholic!LMAO....what should have you said?
I'm Brenda Cloutier, senior support tech and trainer for Datawrite Accounting Software....
I had been going to AA about a year when this meeting took place. So much for anonymity!
LMAO @ Brenda!!
Once 2 guys at work asked to borrow a pen. I reached in my pocket and handed them a tampon instead. I burst out laughing but they turned red and hurried away.
I was asked to give a presentation to 40 employees who were visiting from Ireland, China, and Korea.
It was a tag team presentation and my partner was the CEO of North America. Boy was I excited and I really wanted to make a good impression.
Anyway, the presentation went really well and I felt very proud of myself as I stepped down from the speaking area.
Well i really need to pee pee badly so I literally ran out of the room to go to the bathroom. On the way there I was stopped by a collegue who asked me something about work. Almost ready to bust my bladder, I answered him quickly and preceeded directly to the Men's room.
As I get ready to get out my hose, the CEO runs into the bathroom behind me and says " you are still hooked up to the microphone" . Well I give him the mike, he leaves, I finish my business and I walk back into the room
When I enter the room, all forty people stand up and gives me a standing ovation for giving them the best laugh of their 2 week visit to the US.
Of course I have never lived that moment down, and now when ever I do a speaking engagemnet at the company, the running joke is to take my mike off as soon as I finish talking.
A very nice mexican guy came in to our dental office. He spoke broken English, was leaving town very soon, and needed a tooth fixed. He lived and worked less than 1 mile from the office. I told him that Doctor was booked up. A secret to being able to get in, was to be put on a call list, in case a patient was a no show.
I walked him up to the front desk. I told the receptionist that he was going out of town. He need to be put on the "quick come list" I knew immeditally what I had said. Everybodys eyes got big. So I tried to correct myself, I said, "I meant he can "come quick"!!!!!!.
I turned and left. I could hear major laughing from the front. They said he was smiling. Even with broken English, he understood. HL
discovering a toilet was out of order.....after having used it. Remeber the scene from Dumb and Dumber? Nuff said.
After the initial shock of "OMG! it's true, you could drown in the tub!", the giggles set in
And to think I've always associated large bath tubs with more "entertaining" activities.
Ok, my turn... to start I have to say that I was basically born to work in an office environment. Most of my relatives seem to have a knack for doing construction... several literally built their own house from the ground up. After seeing my performance on construction sites everyone basically concluded that no one should be within 10 feet of me when I'm holding any power tool... nothing good ever comes of that.
Hell, even regular tools can result in disaster. Once my dad set me up to work at a chemical plant that was being constructed. I was hired as a Pipe Fitter Helper... basically I helped cut, bend, thread and install pipes. Some were very large such as this one 4" diameter iron pipe that was about 50 feet tall. At the bottom was a flange with boltholes where this long pipe and the ground pipe met. The guy I was working with went up to the top and used a 2 x 4 to lever the pipe up so down below I could insert a gasket. To his absolute shock and horror I inserted the gasket with my finger by sliding it between to two pipes. If his 2 x 4 had slipped the pipe would have come down and chopped my finger clean off.
Lets see... there was also that time I was working with the same guy as before and I dropped a 40-pound iron valve on his foot. He showed me his toes the next day and lets just say it was not pretty.
There was also the time I noticed a pesky 2 x 4 in the way of the area I was working to install a large valve. It was under a large collection of pipes and valves that went up about 50 feet to the next level. What did I do? I got a sledgehammer and started banging on the 2 x 4 to knock it out... but that thing was stuck in really tight. After I took a few more swings they guy I was working with noticed what I was doing and just about shit a brink. Turned out that 2 x 4 was the only thing holding up that entire assembly of pipes and if I had managed to knock the 2 x 4 out the whole thing would have come down on me.
Luckily these days I am now doing web development work.
Alright I will tell you mine.
I was 18 and I was a cocktail waitress/hostess. My little brother bussed at the same restaurant. I was his boss....Ha ha ha! Anyway I would go in the back and tell them what I needed. One day we were fighting at home all day. Well later that day we went to work still pissed off at each other.
I went in the back as always and he seemed still pissed at me. So I said get over it. He then took my short skirt lifted it up and pushed me out in the restaurant dining area. I was so embarrassed. Everyone started to clap. They all knew that my brother did it.
Hell I got a guy to give me a 10 dollar bill for it.
Brooke
