Could You Stay Friends With Someone Who Visited Prostitutes?

by Englishman 78 Replies latest jw friends

  • Utopian Reformist
    Utopian Reformist

    During my service in the military (USMC - 1980's) and during my single life, living overseas and on both coasts in the U.S., I too have had several friends, associates or acquaintances who would occasionally or semi-regularly visit women working in the "oldest profession".

    I am glad you posted this thread because this issue has once again risen in my life. My current training partner at the gym used to own a lingerie clothing shop. His shop was frequented by numerous dancers, entertainers and strippers that work in the local blue light district (now very large and popular in the Northeast) in Providence, R.I.

    This friend developed casual acquaintances with these women and made a bi-monthly, or tri-monthly habit out of visiting these clubs and spending hundreds of dollars on personal dances, etc. Just this past weekend, I declined to attend a bachelor's party for a mutual friend/member of our gym because it was being hosted in one of these clubs.

    Again, my friend called me late last night and was lamenting having spent more than $300.00 USD on the dancers.

    My personal dilemna with strippers, dancers, adult clubs, escorts, prostitutes, is that I just can't justify or rationalize the expense. If one is married, committed or involved and has agreed to a monogamous relationship with another party, then I believe making use of these adult services without prior discussion is morally wrong.

    If one makes such a desire known, and the other party supports such usage, then that is another story. But, to waste hard earned money on individuals who are simply trying to excite and create urges which cannot be satisfied, and doing so in public in the company of other married men, perverts, business people, seems very dirty.

    I like/love sex like most people, but I also like my privacy. At the constant moaning of some of my friends, I did finally visit a few of these places, and I have to tell you it did nothing for me as far as helping me forget my personal problems, the death of my daughter, the loss of my family. Nor did it excite me in any way.

    How does one relax enough to become excited in public? How can you relax and allow the flirtations of a paid dancer/entertainer stimulate you in public when there are so many other people in the same room? I cannot enjoy intimate contact that way or in that setting.

    Believe me, back in my days in southern california, my EX and I rolled around like chicken cutlets in the sand many a night after skinny dipping, but that was different.

    Being in a room with some public officials, some blue collar workers, regular men, neighbors, friends, strangers, etc sort of takes all of the joy out of the room. Plus, I find it personally insulting and degrading when a paid entertainer pretends to flirt with me and then ask for money.

    I don't know, maybe I am wierd.

  • katiekitten
    I don't know, maybe I am wierd.

    No, UP, you are an honourable man.

    I could even have understood it if you had said 'during my national service when I was a single man' - I used these services - but you didnt.

    All respect to you.

  • minimus

    Actually, I try not to judge if someone visits prostitutes, sleeps with those of their own sex, masturbates even if they're married, flirts, overeats or gets drunk all the time. What anyone does is THEIR business, whether I approve or not. Bottom line---it really isn't my biz and if I become privy to anything that I might find "wrong", as long as it doesn't interfere with me----I won't let myself become like a judgmrntal JW.

  • trevor

    What people find it necessary to do within their relationship is not my business. This cuts both ways. I have know of wives having a bit on the side and kept out of it. I also knew a wife who encouraged her husband to visit a prostitute so he could tell her what it was like. As it happened he refused.

    Sometimes a marriage will only survive because one partner finds an outlet for their sex drive. Sometimes the other partner would rather not know. Over the years I have found it best to leave married couples to their own devices. I make no judgement and take no action.

    Marriages are complicated things and only the couple involved can know all the emotions and forces that are at work.

  • Englishman

    prig [Show phonetics]
    a person who obeys the rules of correct behaviour and considers himself or herself to be morally better than other people

    priggish [Show phonetics]
    adjective DISAPPROVING
    like a prig:
    I found him priggish and cold.


  • mrsjones5

    Good lord, that's just nasty

  • Utopian Reformist
    Utopian Reformist

    THX Katie!

    I have had many an opportunity and each time I have even considered it, when the time came to partake of such a service, I have always chickened out. I have always perferred searching/having a willing girlfriend.

  • luna2

    There is someone I work with that I thought at one time I'd like to get to know better (in a friend sort of way). He and his wife are interesting people who are involved in a lot of different recreational activities...hiking, walking for cancer, bird watching, guitar playing, Habitat for Humanity...stuff like that.

    I thought at one time that I'd like to hook up with them to do some of these things to try to broaden my horizons and make friends in the area outside of the Borg. However, before I could put my plan into action, I found out that this man considers himself a "player"...meaning he cheats on his wife regularly. I lost all desire to hang out with these folks after that. I lost a lot of respect for him, and I know I couldn't look his wife in the face knowing that he cheats on her. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part, just a natural aversion to adultery I guess.

    I know this isn't quite the same as frequenting prostitutes, but it's along the same lines in my mind.

  • katiekitten
    it really isnt my biz

    no min, I agree. But if they choose to make it your biz, by telling you when you would rather not know - and ontop of that what they tell you is a thing that you KNOW would deeply hurt another friend of yours - then that puts you in a very difficult position.

    Either you keep it secret, and are a party to decieving the other friend of yours - who when they find out, and find out that you knew for ages - will ask first "WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME"

    Or you dont keep it a secret - tell the person whom it will hurt deeply - and the person who told you then asks "WHY DID YOU TELL MY WIFE?"

    Sometimes the other partner would rather not know. Over the years I have found it best to leave married couples to their own devices. I make no judgement and take no action.

    Again - agreed. Until one of them starts telling you personal things you'd rather not know. Then it kind of forces you to make judgements, even when you dont want to. If they kept it to themselves, and you just happened to see one of them entering a strip club for instance, then its really none of your business. But when they make it your business by bragging to you, and you are then in a position where your loyalties are torn between two people you like equally, its very hard.
  • AlmostAtheist
    as long as it doesn't interfere with me----I won't let myself become like a judgmrntal JW.

    I agree with Min, I wouldn't judge the guy for his decisions. But it's not judging him to decide he's not the sort you want to carry on a friendship with.

    If you were acting like a JW, you'd face him with YOUR moral perspective, tell him he must conform to your views and admit his "sin" to the elders and also to his wife. If he refused, you'd take matters into your own hands, telling whoever your "Bible trained" conscience compelled you to tell.

    You're not stomping on him, but he's made decisions that make him an unattractive associate to you. I wouldn't hang with crack addicts, but I wouldn't necessarily call the police and turn them in, either. Live and let live, but... go live over there. ;-)


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