My story of abuse and disappointment.

by ackack 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dedpoet

    Welcome to the board Ackack, and thanks for sharing. Just remember, whatever has gone before, you will always get support and help here.

  • stevenyc

    There is a great book called 'Stop walking on eggshells':

    It talks about how to cope / or not , with boardersline's. If anyone here doesn't know about BPD then I would recomend reading the reviews for the book to get an idea. VERY SCARY. Making the decision that you are unable to deal with living with this person is in no way derogatory to you. From your frankness I don't get the impression that you feel you failed by leaving, however, just in case, allow me to say, you didn't.

    Welcome to the board.


  • mustang

    Ouch, ackack!!! And welcome!!!

    "my father told me to go back to that relationship because "shes going to all the meetings now"."
    "I talked to my father, who is an elder, about 2 years ago. About the abuse i was suffering. He basically brushed it aside and told me to work harder on my marriage."

    There is tons of "misplaced emphasis" here. Its what they do best, I am convinced.

    I can commiserate: I pIONEERED and then left about 30 years ago. My father spent all that time "dogging me" to go back to meetings or whatever. They just don’t get it.


  • mustang
    the elders didn't really seem to see a problem with a relationship built upon fear. maybe a blind spot there?

    Wow!!! but, yes, there is a blind spot here; the eLDERS are used to this type of relationship and see it as normal.


  • ballistic

    ackack, sorry to hear about your story.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    What courage it must have taken to not only take the steps that needed taking to leave, but to write about what you went through. Such a poignant ordeal!

    Glad you're here!


  • Seeking Knowledge
    Seeking Knowledge


    I believe your story and I'm sorry that you had to go thru it. I believe my ex (a JW) is going thru the same thing. His wife left him, filed a DV restraining order, took their son & brought mine to me with a story of the evils he did, etc. Only to go back to him when the restraining order time was up (she never showed up for the court date). I'm fairly certain she went back with many conditions & currently holds what's left of his manhood in her purse. She's a very mean spirited person, I've seen it first hand. I don't believe he's being physically abused by her, but he is most certainly being verbally abused. Only now she's involving my son and her son as well. Pretty pathetic.

    It's pretty sad when even his family (all JW's) don't want her to be with him. They were VERY disappointed to hear she went back, but more so that he took her back. Of course she spun a wonderful story to me about how bad he was, what he did to her and their son..only to go back and is now acting like nothing happened.

    Only a matter of time before she does that again

    Glad to hear you are well...welcome to the board!


  • Honesty

    Welcome ackack.

    It will get better with time.

    Let me tell you, Sir, I can relate. Absolutely. I know what it's like to have an abusive wife, and I know what it's like to get looks from family and friends in the organization who look at you like it's probably your fault. When a female in the congregation leaves her husband because of abuse so many arms reach out to her, but if you're a male? Ha!

    Been there, done that. 911 calls, police reports of her abusive behavior. Nothing worked until I confronted her with evidence she was planning a permanent solution for my existence. After the split I quoted 1 Co. 7:15 and was hung up on because I'm an evil apostate.

  • Apostanator

    Hi AckAck. Welcome to the board.

    I can also relate. The Witnesses are not prepared to deal with such an issue. They tell you to study harder, pray more, go out in service more, ask if you picked up any demonized items at a yard sale etc. ect. I was married for 15 years before I divorced her. The last straw came when I almost clocked her one. My fist ready to strike her face, when I caught myself and realized that if I ever did that, I would be the one to go to jail. So at that moment I told her that I was leaving her. She told me I better not because she would take me down with her when she commits suicide. I called the cops, yadda, yadda, yadda. 3 days later, she got her friends from the congregation to clean out the apartment. Eventually she went on to live with my mother. Go figure? Good witness girl who's husband left her, got all the support she needed. No one asked me why I divorced her. The abuse had been going on for years and years. Finally I was fed up. Those myriad of friends from the organization are all but a distant memory now. I never got any support from the elders or my family. However, I can say, that it does get better when your away from the situation and away from the witnesses. Glad you had the fortitude to leave.

    Best of luck

  • avishai

    Here's a site for you and those of you who may be going through the same thing as men. It does have some points I find biased th other way, but a lot of useful info nonetheless, especially in countires such as Canada were it is very hard for instance for a man to get custody of his kids

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